(Closed) Multiple wedding family drama! Sorry it’s Long.

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It doesn’t sound like they really care about anyone else, but themselves. I would just leave it alone and attend your fiance’s brother’s wedding.

Post # 4
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am with noritake22 on this- they sound self-centered and selfish. There has got to be another date open between May and September. What they should have done was consider a Friday wedding or a Sunday wedding if Every Single Venue in the Whole Surrounding 50 miles of where they want to get married was truly fully booked for Saturday. Seriously folks! How rude! I wouldn’t help them (since they apparently can’t help themselves nor listen to simple requests) and I’d not attend their wedding unless they change it to another date (and not your date either!!). But, I get all bitchy like that.

Post # 5
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I agree – they’re the ones being assy.  I would say, sorry, I have a prior commitment which you were made aware of from the get-go. And if they get pissy, thow their own words back at them – “sorry you can’t please everyone.” and leave it at that. 

I wouldn’t lend a hand unless you find yourself with a lot of spare time.  They should’ve brooched that subject before setting a date.  could it be that they did this in order to “guilt” you into helping them plan their wedding? 

Post # 6
26 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would maybe let your stepbro know that you will be attending your FBIL’s wedding, as that was set first. And that you won’t be planning their wedding, thank youverymuch ;P

But really – your step-brother has no obligation to change his date because of your future-BIL. He has no relationship with him, aside from your connection with that family. 

I mean, how would you feel being told to change your date because of your step-bro’s sister in law was getting married that day? Random.

Maybe it’s just a time to be thankful that your brother has found a woman he loves and is getting married? That’s exciting news.

Post # 7
25 posts

I’m somewhat with Tenille on this one.

Step back, and imagine if your brother or his fiance were typing up a post here.  It would probably describe the somewhat distant way this other couple is related to them, and their struggle to find a suitable wedding date.  Just because it seemed to you that the date was no big deal, does not mean that they didn’t have some idea of what they wanted. 

No, it is not your job to “plan” their wedding for them.  But, given the situation as it is, you will either have to miss their wedding or your FBIL’s wedding, and clearly your family will be missing your FBIL’s wedding.  So if you want to prevent it, you may have to do something.  While it understanably seems annoying to you, I would guess that they didn’t make the suggestion just because they were looking for a way to snag a free wedding planner to hunt down a venue for them.  They likely were just as annoyed with you as you are with them, and responded with the expected “if you think you can do a better job, go ahead.”  Frankly, if you actually call around, you may find that they were telling the truth – that it is very hard to find an open venue on a different week during that time of year.

Given that your whole family seems to be involved in this, I would instead suggest that they all, as opposed to just you, start calling around and trying to find an acceptable alternative.  Instead of encouraging a family rift, encourage the family to come together to work this out.  Reagrdless of how it turns out, I would personally choose to not fall out with a brother, step or otherwise, over this.

Post # 8
1020 posts
Bumble bee

very very inconsiderate!! how could they have FORGOTTEN a close relative’s wedding date??

Post # 9
1955 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

This is such a tough call…On the one hand, yes, you can’t tell your step-brother when to get married but on the other hand, these are two very important occasions that you probably want to be at! Plus, you mentioned that a lot of your family will be invited to your fiance’s brother’s wedding…Sucky situation! I think it was kind of inconsiderate of your step-bro to not consult immediate family before choosing a date (especially if said family is contributing financially to the wedding)…Personally, I would want to be at both weddings bad enough that it would be worth it to me to try and help them find another venue for a different date…

Post # 10
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would go to your FBIL’s wedding. You let your family and your step brother know in advance that your hubby was in his bro’s wedding and you would be attending. You agreed to that first so that is where you should go. I also wouldn’t call around for venues for their wedding, that is work they can do themselves…you aren’t their wedding coordinator and you have your own wedding to plan.

Post # 12
14183 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hmmm. Well, I can’t say I’d want to plan my wedding around a brother’s sister or brother in law’s wedding, despite how close we all are.

It’s too far removed for me to really care that much when theirs is to the point that I’d move mine. Especially if it WAS down to slim-pickings for venues.

Their comment about “well if you find us one we’ll switch it” tells me that they are being inconsiderate and not caring though. They sound inconsiderate.

It does sound like something the stepmom will have to handle. There’s not a lot you can do as you are kind of removed from the sitaution I guess

Post # 13
350 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry but if I knew my family was all going to be attending someone else’s wedding on a particular day then OF COURSE I would not schedule a wedding on that day!  That is just ridiculous!  I’m sorry MissGaby.  I’d probably stick with your original plans and tell your step bro that is too bad for him, he had notice of your plans for that date and chose it anyway!

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