(Closed) Multiple Weddings – Juggling Responsibilities and Costs

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2874 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@yaena:  oh heck. while yes, its totally understandable for you not to go, people arent always logical and are sometimes offended.

i think your fi will just have to sit him down and explain that you have no vacation time and you simply cant afford it. this friend may discover that combining your wedding with his honeymoon isnt possible so he might be in the same situation

Post # 4
6123 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“I don’t know how we will have the ability to be there, and know he will be offended if we aren’t”

This wedding you’re talking about is in Japan?  I don’t think anyone has the right to be offended if a couple cannot make it to the other’s wedding in Japan (esp. after paying to go to China and for your own wedding already).  That’s just insane!  Japan is like a once in a lifetime trip for most people.  So, yes it’s understandable if you cannot attend another wedding in a different country so soon.


“in fact, my Fiance just used most of his savings to go to another of the friends’ weddings – in China – this month”

Just because he went to one wedding in China doesn’t mean he now has the means to fly all over the globe now!  Normal poeple understand that foriegn trips are costly and usually one per X years is only doable.

If this friend is highly offended after knowing all the reasons, then I would reevaluate the friendship. 

Maybe the four of you can just get together at a different date, open a bunch of bottles of champagne and do your own private celebration at a nice restaurant.


If he’s asked to be a groomsman, you’ve already stated that you cannot fly to Japan this year.  So the answer is he gracefully declines, but offer to do something as two couples at a later date.

Post # 5
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@yaena:  Don’t (either of you) attend the Japan wedding. You can’t afford it, simple. If the guy gets offended, then bad luck, it means he’s not a very good friend if he can’t understand the travelling to Japan to a wedding is a major expense. And if Fiance is asked to be a groomsman, he declines, simple.

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