(Closed) Mum being difficult

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee

Aw, that sucks!  I’m sorry you’re dealing with all of this.  From what I read, it sounds like she isn’t in a state of mind to be reasoned with right now, so try to focus and what you and your Fiance want for your wedding.  At the end of the day, all that will matter is if you and your Fiance are happy. You should get to have the wedding you want!  I hope that you are able to work things out with her.  Maybe you could compromise with her on some of the the little details that aren’t as important to you, so she’ll feel like her “advice” is being listened to? 

Post # 4
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@BeeBabe27:  Wow, I completely feel for you because I am in a similar situation…My fiance and I are splitting the costs of the wedding with my parents, and my mother, who is normally cheerful and kind, is constantly expressing her distaste for my choices and throwing fits when I don’t want to do things her way. I also think its for a reason that is similar to yours – my mother did not have the wedding she wanted, and it was shadowed by family drama.  It hurts when moms judge when all you want is support. And it’s tricky because you are both contributing to the wedding, which may make the power for making decisions not very clear (at least not to your mum).

I am having a hard time with it too, somedays I am just so hurt and confused and angry that my Fiance and I fight the urge to run to Las Vegas and elope. So you are not alone! To cope, here’s what I do: Whenever I am my sharing my wedding plans with my mom (which I do as little as possible), I try to remember that she is reliving all the pain, judgement, regret, or whatever it is that’s bothering her from her wedding day. So when she protests my plans or shoots down my ideas, I imagine it’s because she is trying to spare me whatever she is feeling at that moment. It softens the blow a little bit. It turns the anger to pity. And its a lot more productive than thinking the worst of my mother, which, I admit, I still do from time to time.

It is your day, and it should be however you want it to be. Don’t change it for anyone!!! But when you are at your wit’s end, try to remember that your mum may see this as her chance to prove to her family and to herself that she could plan the “right” wedding, except this time she’s doing it to spare her daughter the things that went wrong with hers. Oh, and always have a bottle of champagne in the fridge. That helps a lot 🙂

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