(Closed) Mum wants to be present during First Look

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011


This is YOUR first look!!! It’s a special moment shared just by you and Fiance. If my mom and Future Mother-In-Law were there, it wouldn’t be special. We wouldn’t feel comfortable kissing/crying/hugging in front of each other.

Post # 4
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

That’s a tough one, b/c even if they’re hidden, you’ll still know they’re watching… she should have kept quiet and snuck over day of!  You could stand your ground and show her the pics later…

Post # 5
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

DH and I had our first look in a foyer where I came down a stairwell. We didn’t know it at the time but most of our bridal party was watching us from above. It didn’t spoil the moment at all for us, but they were really quiet. Perhaps, not knowing they were there was better for us though. 

Post # 6
11163 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I agree with

View original reply
PinkMagnolia on this one, I would say no and stand my ground.

While I understand her want to be involved it is such an intimate moment for you and your husband that really isn’t for everyone else to see. If she absolutely insists than I guess she can lurk in the bushes and you really can’t stop her, however her presence really shouldn’t be known.

Post # 7
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Our wedding party and families were present for ours, and it didn’t make a difference to me. But, if you don’t want it, then tell her sorry, not happening.  Trust me, you will still have that look when he sees you walking down the aisle, so she won’t miss anything!!! Oh, and don’t tell her where you are doing the first look, dont’ tell anyone unless you want her showing up

Post # 8
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Hell to the no! Ask someone else (maybe your Future Mother-In-Law and FFIL?) to keep them occupied during your first look, and show them the pics later.

Honestly, you’d think married people would know better, having been through it all themselves, but the second it’s someone else’s wedding they completely forget what it’s like and become “those people”.

Post # 9
5842 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

We did our first look with the bridal party/family hanging around. It did not stop us from crying/kissing/hugging. It was sort of like the ceremony in that I was in my own little happy bubble. It only happened this way because I never came up with a game plan. Seing everyones reactions in the background of the pics was actually kind of adorable.

If you want it to be just the two of you (and the photog) put your foot down, I just wanted to share that there being onlookers doesn’t necessarily ruin it.

Post # 10
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

NO NO NO!!! That’s rude to even ask hun. Stand your ground!

Post # 11
1560 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

The VERY first moment we saw each other was just between the two of us. My best friend was around the corner, but nobody came upstairs until it was time to do the bridal party portraits. Honestly, we’re not the kind of mushy-gushy people who needed that time to snuggle, but it was nice to have an uninterrupted conversation. That was one of the two times all day (our first dance being the other).

Maybe ask her if you can have just the two of you for the first few pictures, then she can come in?

Post # 12
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

She will get to see the pictures later, your photographer will certainly capture all that magic when you two first see each other.  Isn’t that enough?

Can I ask your motivation for a first look?

Post # 13
30 posts
  • Wedding: November 2011

If you want it to be super private tell your mom and your fmil you want it to be just the two of you and thats it…  They can see the pictures afterward

Post # 14
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

I think this has to do with your relationship with your mother (and potentially with your dad and fmil as well).  You are not alone at your first look – you are surrounded by strangers snapping pictures.  My mom happened to be there when we had our first look, along with the photogs and videographer who I met that morning, and believe me, the moment I saw Mr. HC approaching, everyone else disappeared.  If you don’t want your mother there, I think that is totally totally up to you, and should be your decision, but if you generally have a good relationship, and you don’t think they will be intrusive (like, jumping in to be the third on your first hug), I don’t know that it is such a big deal.  BUT I do want to say again that it is YOUR decision, and you should be comfortable with whatever the outcome ends up being.

Post # 15
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I would have your best man and Maid/Matron of Honor run interference.  Have them both waiting in the place you will have your first look with your mom.  Then just meet somewhere else, and take your photos.  (Wouldn’t go over well but if you really think she will ruin your moment, then simply don’t let her.)

Post # 16
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

If you don’t want everyone there, then tell her she will have to wait away from where you are taking pictures.  For my Bridals, I did have a small party but they stayed far enought away so my picture session would not be disturbed.  I was already a bundle of nerves and we were running an hour behind.

We had our 1st look @ a local beach so there were a ton of ppl around but my photographer made sure we were off the beaten path for my bridals as well as our First Look.  My photographer had me look @ the ocean and DH tapped me on the shoulder.  When I turned around, it was just the 2 of us.  I forgot about everthing and everyone. It was magical and then back to reality.LOL

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