(Closed) Mum wants to be present during First Look

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would tell her the First Look was in a certain area & then plan it for another area. Make sure someone like a wedding coordinator or bridesmaid goes with her to distract her and say, ‘Oh, they’re coming along soon…’

If you don’t want her there, then don’t have her there. Depending on where you have it, no one will see it.

Another option is to arrange a separate special First Look for the parents & you two, so she feels included.

Post # 18
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

Stand your ground and do not let others share in this special moment between you and your soon-to-be hubby! The purpose of a first look is to give the bride and groom some much-needed alone time, and that alone time will be very scarce once all the wedding festivities take off. 

I agree with PPs: have your Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man run interference and keep anyone from interrupting your first look. Also, don’t tell anyone where you’re doing your first look. That way no one can sneak and surprise you. After your photographers snap some pictures, I’m sure even they will ask you if you want true alone time. This is your moment with just the two of you–cherish it and keep it to yourselves!

Post # 19
Member
520 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@CherryWaves:  She replied that if we weren’t doing the first look that EVERYONE would see it anyway, she really wants to see our reactions and she’s sure Future Mother-In-Law would too

This is such a ridiculous reason for her to give you!  Yes, if you weren’t doing a first look, everyone would see your reaction…that’s exactly why you ARE doing a first look (I assume)!!!  To have a few intimate moments with your SO!

You really just need to put your foot down and tell her hell no.  I also think it would be a good idea to have it in a different place than she thinks it’s going to be, as PP’s have said.

I think it’s pretty rude for her to even make you worry about this.

Post # 20
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Bent Creek Winery (Livermore, California); Reception: Family Residence (San Ramon, California)

View original reply
@Miss Sorbet: Amen! I was just going to add this. The whole point of a first look is that you do not share that moment when you see each other for the first time with everyone else. 

Post # 21
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think it should just be you two.  My fiance doesn’t want a first look, but if we were doing one, I would definitely want to keep it private.  Yes, a photographer is there, but I just wouldn’t feel right with everyone staring.  Because isn’t that the main point of the first look?  An opportunity for the bride and groom to get together before the chaos of the wedding day.  

 

Post # 22
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

i really don’t want to jump on this thread but will some one explain this first look thing to me, i’ve read all the replies but i’m still not sure… 🙁

Post # 23
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A first look is when the bride and groom see each other for the first time before the wedding. It’s very intimate and special and the photographer/videographer are there to capture it.

Search old posts for more information. I couldn’t imagine not doing one- especially after seeing all the amazing pictures.

Post # 24
Member
1136 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
@PinkMagnolia: that seems like a lovely thing to do i wont see my fi until i meet him at the alter. i kind of like the first look idea, never seen it done before 

Post # 25
Member
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I guess I don’t see the big deal. DH and I did the first look with the bridal party there. IT DID NOT RUIN the special moment at all. We both were lost in our own little world as the photographer took the pictures and everyone else watched.

Post # 26
Member
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

We ran into this same reacion initially. My mother mentioned that she “couldn’t wait to see the looks on our faces during the FL!” I told her, politely but firmly, that this moment is between me, my soon-to-be-spouse, and our photogs. She will still get to see us, grinning like fools and happily awaiting the appointed hour, a mere 10 minutes after the FL when we all do pictures.

I emphasized the privacy we wanted, and asked if she wanted to risk “ruining” the moment by distracting us. She took the time to think it over, and is now the one who will be preventing any unwanted guests from seeing our FL. 

I strongly suggest standing your ground on this one. If you’re trying to choose your battles wisely I understand, but this is a very personal choice that she needs to respect.

One other thought: could she watch from behind a window? Obviously you’d still be aware that someone is watching, but it would be less intrusive than having her standing in the room.

Post # 27
Member
13094 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I guess I don’t see the big deal.  I promise – having them nearby to see your expressions WILL NOT ruin the moment AT ALL.  In that moment, you are in your own little bubble and, in your mind, no one else in the world is there or matters.

Post # 28
Member
6391 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

For our first look, my parents and part of the bridal party stood inside behind glass doors while DH and I met outside. I completely forgot all about them as soon as I stepped outside and saw DH. If someone would have told me they would have been there when I was still planning, though, I probably would have had the same reaction as you. 

 

Do what you’re comfortable with, but if you do let her see, have her stand far away and preferably behind doors, lol :). 

Post # 29
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Our FL was supposed to be just us.  It was in the foyer of the hotel I was getting ready in.  But in the confusion and the rush, it turns out the entire wedding party and DH’s family was there.  And I never saw them! 

Our moment was still the most private of the day.  When I came walking down the stairs, all I saw was him.  (making me tear up just thinking about it)  But the pictures and video of our family there some of my favorites.  I’m so glad they were able to witness our FL.

I think you should consider it.  Not necessarily do it but consider it.  And they don’t have to be next to you.  Our witnesses weren’t even close enough to be in my peripheral vision.

Post # 30
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I guess it all depends on your mom, if she is going to make it all about her…then absolutely NO, but if she will be quiet and just an observer then I would say go ahead, but if you’re adamant about your first look then I say just make it between the 2 of you.

We all have some pushy people in our lives, I am sorry yours happens to be your mom…good luck in whatever you decide!

Post # 31
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh man this reminds me of our “First Look”…which just occurred on Saturday. I explained it to my bridesmaids who hadn’t heard of it…I thought they understood…

I sent one in ahead of me to make sure he was ready and going to be facing the other direction when I walked in. But then she stayed to watch. We were in our “moment” doing our first look and I turned and EVERY one of my bridesmaids was RIGHT there, and like 4 of his groomsmen…

I jokingly yelled at them “THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE!” but really I didn’t care that much. What do ya do?

The topic ‘Mum wants to be present during First Look’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors