(Closed) Mum wants to be present during First Look

posted 9 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

The thing is, if you are having a photographer it is not a private moment. It’s you, your man and a stranger with a camera. Do you see how your mom could feel weird about being excluded.

I think the best way around this is to have a first look and make it just the two of you, no photog. That way it will be truly intimate, and you can legitimately exclude everyone else. After all the point is really to have alone time, the photo shoot isn’t important right?

Post # 33
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I agree with PP’s, this is a moment for the two of you. She can see pictures later.

Post # 34
Member
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

View original reply
@Magdalena: A good photographer is able to fade into the background so you don’t notice them. Friends and family members will always be more conspicuous, and the first look moment doesn’t have anything to do with them anyway. They don’t exactly have the right to feel left out.

Post # 35
Member
2583 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

View original reply
@Magdalena: If the photographer is good they’ll actually make the process even smoother. The point of the first look (to me at least) is to have that excited moment without the pressure of anyone else watching. Parents = pressure on the wedding day. The photog just snap away, they don’t say anything, and you can’t tell me that parents wouldn’t say a single word or make any noise- the more people you have, the louder it will get.

If you wanted everyone to see it you wouldn’t be doing a first look. You mom will see the pics later, and the look on your faces as you go up the aisle will be just as special and excited.

Post # 36
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I say stand your ground.  She’ll see the pictures later.  Your FL should be between you and future hubby.  No one else has a “right” to be there regardless of how they may act about it.

Post # 37
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
@galloway111:

View original reply
@linguo42: I get what you all are saying. However to me at least it would be harder to feel natural and relaxed knowing in the back of my mind somebody was taking pictures of me being mushy with Fiance. I mean is it a private moment just between the two of us or is it something we want documented by a third party so we can share it with everyone later? Sort of like, no, you can’t witness this moment live, it’s too personal, but by the way here it is in our album for you to look at. These are two mutually exclusive goals to me anyway. But to each her own!!!

You gotta draw the line with parents. Especially moms. If you stand your ground she’ll see her daughter’s grown up to be a woman with a spine! She’ll get over it and just feel proud 🙂

Post # 38
Member
1941 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Stand your ground! I really don’t have anything else to add that other ladies haven’t already said, just wanted to give you another vote to tell mom it’s a moment between you and your FH, and that’s it.

Post # 39
Member
5117 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with the above posters. Stand your ground politely but firmly. I know that in the wedding I was just in, the Future Father-In-Law, some siblings, and all of us bridesmaids were in to watch the first look…but I guess it turns out the bride had wanted some alone time :-/ They did it in the sanctuary where people were already camping out, so I felt really bad after she’d mentioned it later.

I can see my mom being like yours. I’ll just reiterate to her that it is a private moment between the two of us, and that she can get all sorts of great, happy photos ten minutes later once the formal/group photos start. And, if you’re a bit of a goofball/sassypants like me, I’d remind my mother that this is just one of many things that Fiance and I wll be doing ALONE that parents are NOT invited to. She can’t cut the cake with us, she will not be in our first dance, and she’s not coming to our room that night. She’ll get the point. 🙂

Post # 40
Member
7368 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Hell. No. Respectfully.

Post # 41
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My assumption from your description is that your mother is already being disrespectful towards you, being controling and using guilt trips to get her way. If I am correct in this assumption you should say NO in no uncertain terms. She’s not only asking you for an intrustion on a private moment but using you to control your Fiance as well. And you don’t want to start a pattern of– “I’d rather fight with my Fiance than my mother”. You know? Your Fiance has to be number 1 and you need boundries with your parents to have a healthy marriage.

Post # 42
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel this is a private moment and you and future husband need to do what is right for the two of you and if privacy is what you want, then stick to your guns.  

Good luck

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