(Closed) Mummy Bees with school age kids, How do I avoid creating a shitstorm in a teacup

posted 7 years ago in Parenting
Post # 4
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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wifey2be:  I wouldnt be disturbed that child protection are involved,id be relieved frankly.If ever there was a person who’s parenting style should be monitored,then she’s it! I honestly felt sorry for this womans kids while reading this,however i would not want my child involved,especially when he is hurting your younger child and kicking/hitting things when he doesnt get his way.

I absolutely get where you are coming from given this is your childs only friend,you dont want to take that one friend away for him to be alone (been there with my autistic son) but this is not a situation that is healthy for him in the long run.Or you. The other mother is taking the piss basically,asking you to pick up her other kids?Calling you 30 times? Rude!

So. what to do? First off i would go speak to your childs teacher and have the head/deputy there also. Tell them everything,literally everything. Tell them your concerns for your child and ask them whether they could integrate other people with your son in order to help him make new friends. They used to buddy my son up with different people to do small things like take the register to the office,help put toys away together,things like that so ask them if they would do that.

It really didnt take long for other kids to start getting friendly with my son and then before i knew it he was being asked to play after school. Its really about finding ways for your son to make new friends so look into after school activities that your school provide or him joining a little club of some kind

Good luck

Post # 5
11735 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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wifey2be:  I don’t think you’re being silly I never would have let my chikd go to their house unsupervised. Child services doesn’t roll up to your door step without a good reason in the US at least.

Post # 6
760 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

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wifey2be:  You are in a bit of a tough situation and I have to say I think you are really trying to do what’s best not only for your son, but for his friend as well. It’s taxing to bring someone else’s kid to your home, but he seems to crave the stability in your home and that’s probably why your son’s friend asks so much to come over to play. He does seem to have some serious impulse control issues and that’s probably a result of his home environment. Sounds like mom is in way over her head and has issues herself that are unresolved.

I agree with a previous poster… go to a teacher or the head of the school. In the U. S. teachers are considered mandatory reporters and we must report incidents of abuse and neglect or suspected abuse and neglect to the proper authorities. Your son’s friend is young, so it would be good to get his mother the help she needs NOW so that her children don’t suffer long term effects of her current parenting style.

Good luck!

Post # 8
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Maybe spin it that, since Jack’s mom already has 4 kiddos, you don’t want to bring her up to 5 with your son, and would rather invite Jack to your home. Woman needs some boundaries though, like yesterday. You do not have to do her favors just because her life stinks right now. I’m sure she is overwhelmed, but it’s not an excuse. I can easily see where this woman, with her seeming lack of parenting skills, difficult children, and “woe is me” attitude, could warrant CPS investigation. I’m not saying she is necessarily abusive, because obviously I dont know her, but there are enough red flags that I would not allow my child into their home. I know it must be difficult, because given your son’s idiosyncarasies you of course want to foster each friendship he has, but his safety trumps that, IMO.

FTR, I am not a parent, but a nanny to school age kids.

Post # 9
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

I would definitely talk to someone at the school and let them know what is going on. There’s no reason, if it goes to her, that she needs to know it was you that said anything. Sounds like plenty of other mom’s are aware of what is going on which may be what kicked off the CPS visit in the first place. Hopefully your parenting style and your son’s behavior will rub off on his friend and he’ll learn something about how things SHOULD be.

Our son had a friend whose parents were definitely a little sketchy and we eventually had to cut that friendship off because our son was not behaving in a way we consider approriate when he was with this other child and because we didn’t approve of what we saw going on in and around their home. It’s unfortunate, we always worry about the other boy and pray that things work out ok. The authorities are involved in their situation so there’s little else we can do.

Good luck to you, this whole situation just breaks my heart.

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