(Closed) Mumzilla!! My mother thinks my wedding day is all about her!! HELP!!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
11 posts
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh my god we may be related. 

My mother is just like this. She and I have had the worst relationship since i was 17 and left home. She hated everything about me planning my wedding, and we dont even talk anymore so shes not even invited. Shes done a lot of bad things though. It sounds like your mum has to make this day about her, not you. i completely feel you cause this is what my mum tried to do. I would stand strong on the dress thing, tell her that if she cant get a more simple dress, youll get one for her. Shes making herself look like an idiot. I completely understand. My mum wouldnt even talk to me about my wedding and hated everything i did, and in dec 2012, she and i stopped talking and havent since. Shes not invited, and im fine with it to be honest. I have more family around me that loves and supports me, and they all agree with me. Good luck, *hugs* sometimes you just need to put a foot down. your not being selfish. πŸ™‚

Post # 4
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@stacey4u: Your mom sounds kinda loopy. But I don’t think there’s much you can do about the dress. Let her show up and look like a tool. The invites – you need to reign that in and not let her edit them. And definitely stop including her πŸ™‚

Post # 5
3774 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@stacey4u: Sorry your mom seems to be, ahem, completely bat-shit crazy. I don’t have much advice other than just putting your foot down.


If it were me, I’d just say, “Look, mom. This is MY wedding. MYYYY wedding. You had your turn about 25 years ago. This time it’s MYYYY turn. You’re not going to wear a dress that looks like mine. You’re not going to wear the same color as the bridal party. You’re not going to change the wording on MY invitations. You’re not going to be the star of the show. That’s ME and FH. You can either act like a normal person or you can not come. Those are the only options. Make your choice.”


I hope she gets her shit together so you can enjoy your day πŸ™‚

Post # 6
352 posts
Helper bee

Sorry you’re going through this… Some “day of” advice… do you have any friends or relatives that she gets along with particularly well with? My best friend has a mom that is totally crazy, and on her wedding day (I was MOH) part of my responsability was to kind of nicely DISTRACT her mom, whenever she was about to go on a rampage… it actually worked out really well.

In this case it was all about the Bride’s mom because her ex-husband (the bride’s father) was gonig to be there (and it was all “HOW DARE YOU INVITE MY EX????? DON’T YOU SEE HOW HARD THIS IS GOING TO BE FOR ME?” and the Bride was like “uhhhh, that’s my dad.”) with his new wife, and the mom tried to make the WHOLE WEDDING about showing him up. Basically, whenever anything important was happening, it was my job to intercept the mom and just be like “omg, I know!” and that would calm her down/keep her away from the bride… 

Post # 7
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@s2bmrscook:  If it were me, I’d just say, “Look, mom. This is MY wedding. MYYYY wedding. You had your turn about 25 years ago. This time it’s MYYYY turn. You’re not going to wear a dress that looks like mine. You’re not going to wear the same color as the bridal party. You’re not going to change the wording on MY invitations. You’re not going to be the star of the show. That’s ME and FH. You can either act like a normal person or you can not come. Those are the only options. Make your choice.”


Post # 8
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@stacey4u:  I am dealing with a very similar situation with my mom.  My father and I have both had heart to heart talks with her explaining that this is not her day. It is mine and my future husbands. It got to the pint that I stopped involving her. When she asked why I had cut her out, I told her that I love her and know that I can not change her. But that she was not listening to how she was making me feel and that I had to do what was best for me. Recently she asked if she could take the day off of work to go wedding (decoration) shopping with me. I told her of coarse. I plan on going into the day with no expectations but I have to give her a chance to be kind and supportive. If she’s not I will be kind but clear with her. 


I think you should talk to your mom. Set boundaries! And remember that she is who she is. She will only change if she wants to. You can only. Hangs how you respond to her actions. 


Hope this helps!

Post # 9
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@BabyCleo:  I am not going to comment on the first paragraphs because yes your Mom is being silly about the dress. And you are totally right.


your mom is right about the text of your invitation. And yo should go online to see the proper wording. If You dont give it to much importance…then you should listen to your mom that really cares about it.

Hotel after wedding:

Honestly…..Why are you picking useless fights…..your mom clearly is Mary contrary, if she wants a room next to the bridal suite….then let her. You will have your room with your Husband thats what is important it is not like she wants to be in the suite with you.

The church and reception:

yes 2:30  3:00 is WAY too much to make your guests wait. So you can go around taking pictures. You should do the pictures before the wedding and have your reception after your ceremony. If you have guests wait for 3 hours….you will either have guests go home after the ceremony….or guests not come to your ceremony at all…and trust me they will take your wedding less serious if you do it this way.

1 hour…is fine even 1:30 if you stall by having drinks and hors d oeuvres but 3???????

My bridesmaids and I had our photoshoot after the wedding we got dressed up again and we got our hair done again…..and it was soooo much fun we werent worried about the dress being dirty and being late.

Videographers and photographers are not wedding coordinators…they are there to take nice pictures…..but for them it is not important you have a lovely dance with your husband..it is important that you pose for it.

Your mom Clearly has a way of saying things that are clearly annoying!!!!! And it seems like she over reacts…I am telling you as an Event expert that some of the ideas can sound great on paper….but are terrible in practice.

About your mom not being in the same room as you when you get ready. Maybe you can handle things differently. You can get ready and have your mom come in the end to zip you up. …including her in the minimal details…like comming to help you with your shoes….stuff like that be practical.


Post # 11
49 posts
  • Wedding: July 2013

I can relate tho your story… so very mutch….

Post # 12
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My mother has a tendency to be too free with her opinions, guilt-trippy, and I have often let this hurt me. I have learned not to include her on details of my life that are important to me unless I can be confident in my decisions. She only gets to me now if I let her, which to be honest, hasn’t happened in a few years. The last time she really tore me up was the day I moved out of the state where I grew up. She was weepy and questioning my decision to move with my SO 1000 miles away to go to graduate school. She wanted me to stay in my home state. I was super emotional and guilty until the moment my SO and I pulled the moving truck onto the highway. I realized that I was finally in control of my life, making the best decisions possible, regardless of her opinion. She still tries to make me feel bad about living far away, but it trult doesn’t bother me! I’m happy with what I’m doing and she can’t bring me down.

Until you are at a point where you can’t be hurt or feel guilty about what she says, you HAVE to stop sharing things with her. From now on, just be vague and positive about your plans. Take charge without her knowing and march forward with your plans. Write the invitations as you see fit. Call the hotel to request that she is on a different floor. If she squawks, ignore her, change the topic or end the conversation quickly. As for things that she truly has control over, like her own dress, let her make her own weird decisions and realize that her behavior won’t reflect on you. If anyone notices the similarity, they will know she’s crazy. Not your problem!

The only way she will ruin the day is IF YOU LET HER!

Post # 13
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Wow, I actually think that you are the one who is wrong in almost all of these situations.

1) Your mom is an adult and doesn’t need to be told what to wear. I don’t understand what the issue with her wearing blue is. nor do I understand why you were still angry when she chose something maroon. It makes it seem like you are looking for reasons to be mad at her. As long as she doesn’t show up in white or in a wedding dress you really have no cause to complain about her attire.

2)Why can’t she be on the same hotel floor as you? Is your sex that loud? (that is the only plausible reason I could think of)

3)A 2.5-3 hour gaps is too long. Your mom is trying to give you good advice because your current plan is rude and inconsiderate towards your guests. If it’s not to late to change it I woudl try to revise your wedding day schedule so your guests don’t have to entertain themselves unhosted for 3 hours.


The only topic in which you were right and your mom was wrong was invitations. I think your invitations sound lovely and your mom needs to butt out.


Post # 16
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My mom is pretty self-centered, but she’s been good about my wedding so far. The only thing she’s done is try to pick her MOB dress before I even get my dress, and some of the ones she was looking at are really similar to the dresses I’m looking at. She came up to visit for the day after I had been very sick for weeks and Fiance had been working 60 hours a week. Our apartment was not at it’s cleanest. I was stressing about cleaning it before she came to her on the phone because ‘she would say mean things’. She told me that she wouldn’t and not to worry. Well, after she went home she proceeded to rip me a new one about the cleanliness of my apartment. I told her she had promised not to and she was breaking her promise. Then she tried guilt tripping me. I called her out on guilt tripping me and she said ok I won’t guilt trip you but, [insert guilt trip here]. I tiold her she was still guilt tripping me and my apartment was not her business and she needed to drop it. She did, and now she acts like she never said anything nasty to me.

The point of this is be firm when you stand up to your mother. When she tries to emotionally manipulate you, call her out on it and refuse to be treated that way. If you  firmly tell her her behavior is not acceptable over and over hopefully she’ll get the message and modify her actions.

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