(Closed) Must I invite my friend’s boyfriend when I don’t really want to?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

The way you make it sound, your friend and #2 (yes, I missed putting “guy” in front of that, because he does sound like poo!) have been a couple for a decent amount of time.

And although, crappy, you’ve met him several times.

I don’t think you could really invite her without him.  Sorry to say.

Maybe slip him some sleeping pills at the reception so he needs to go nighty-night?

Post # 4
Member
236 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

you said it right there “no one can bring a +1 unless they’re common-law by choice (many relatives on SO’s side is common-law due to their laid-back beliefs), engaged or married. The wedding party will have a +1. But everyone else will not be allowed to bring a +1 because we just simply cannot afford it.”

Since no one is being allowed a plus one your friend shouldnt be allowed one either… and the above is your justification…your friend is not married nor engaged (considering marriage is NOT engaged) nor are they common law husband and wife therefore you have no obligations to invite him

But call me a b*tch but if I were you even without your above “rule” I still wouldnt invite him anyway… youve openly expressed your dislike for this man and so why should you feel obligated to invite him? I would send out her invitaiton defaulted to 1 and if she doesnt like it then she can stay home too

 

Post # 5
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Honestly I think you have to invite him. The only way to get around that is if you don’t invite ANYONE with dates, but I doubt that’s going to be the case.

A good friend of mine had a boyfirend for a long time that everyone despised. Her best friend would refuse to invite her to parties, gatherings, etc b/c of this guy and my friend used to get really upset and mad. It sucks when you don’ tlike your firends significant other, but out of respect to them and the friendship, you need ot suck it up and invite the guy.

The most you can do is explain to her nicely, privately at a later date why you’re concerned he’s not the right guy for her. But other than that, you have to respect her choice and you can’t tell her not to bring him.

Post # 6
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You do not have to invite him at all. Honestly, if I were your friend, I wouldn’t even expect my guy to be invited unless we were living together. And especially since you’re not inviting other +1s, you’re totally covered.

Post # 7
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I agree with the others re: not inviting him.  

If they aren’t common-law (which, I believe, means living together for MORE than a year), then she doesn’t get to bring him.

Tell her the reasons, if asked, and let HER decide if SHE wants to come or not.  On the invite, make it known she doesn’t get a plus one (put only her name or the number 1 somewhere on the RSVP).  

good luck!  (and from my view point, sounds like she loves the fact the guy IS clingy and needy… unlike the other one who was pretty confident in himself and wasn’t clingy or needy in the least bit… if that makes any sense!)

Post # 8
Member
3142 posts
Sugar bee

Are they living together tho? 

Post # 9
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would honestly not invite him. Unless she is a bridesmaid, then I would suck it up. If she is just a great friend, then just invite her. If she asks for a plus one, simply say that money is tight and only the bridal party and spouses (including common law spouses), are invited. I feel your good friend knows you don’t like him, but also understands that money is a limited resource.

Post # 10
Member
767 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yeah, my best friend’s bf I couldn’t STAND, and he woudl talk sh*t about me ALL the time, and my friend would have to defend me.  I just had to suck it up and invite him, since he was my best friend’s guest.  I DID though have a talk with my friend and say look, I am letting you bring him but here are the rules.    

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

If they’re living together, then I don’t think you have a way to not invite him. Will he really ruin your day that much? You more than likely will see him once or twice during the night. And to be honest, you’re ok with inviting him to the reception, but not the ceremony or dinner? Dinner IS the reception. You certainly can’t get away with inviting him to only part of the day. It’s either all or nothing…and since you’re willing to invite him to the “reception” you have to invite him to the ceremony and dinner.

Post # 12
Member
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

If they are living together, I don’t think theyre’s a way to avoid it. If not, then don’t.

Post # 15
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

With the guidelines you decided upon for +1, he does not need to be invited.  She will probably expect he will be invited however, so as long as you stick to your +1 guidelines, she needs to respect your decision.

Good Luck!!!

Post # 16
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee

You have your own rule to support your decision to not invite him, it is being applied evenly across your guest list so it is totally fair… and why invite someone who makes you miserable to your wedding? He probably will be relieved to have another reason to be mean to you irrationally. 

Honestly, I would normally probably say “be the bigger person, one person can’t ruin your day” blah blah… but I just watched The Hills on Netflix and was reminded how a toxic boyfriend can blind a girl and make all of her friends truly miserable when they are around him so… I say do what you want! Down with Spencer Pratt! 

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