(Closed) Mutual Hate with Future-In-Lawsposted 7 years ago in Family
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
I have an overbearing Mother-In-Law. I can see signs of guilt tripping and manipulation now. Honestly, they are only hurting their grandchild by not showing up (yes and no because at one the baby won’t remember anyway). They are entitled to feel the way they want. If they want to sulk because you guys can’t make an event then so be it. Your decision stands. If they say, “Well, then we just won’t come to the first birthday!” Say, “I’m sorry you won’t be making it to your grandchild’s party.” and that is that.
It’s a hard thing to do but honestly…you not marrying their son is not because of them and hating you. It’s becuase you are allowing them to control YOUR feelings. They are not making you feel upset. YOU are allowing you to feel upset. The sooner you say “my decision stands” the better off you will be. Our of my depression, I told DH it would have been better had I not married him, but in truth, I wouldn’t be happy. I love my DH a LOT, and I said that out of frustration and letting my Mother-In-Law control how I felt. I am still learning, but I am coping a lot better with just telling her, “Sorry you feel that way.” She has NO ammunition to that. She wants to fight. She wants to be right, but she can’t if I just apologize for her feeling the way she does.
Besides, in all this, you will never get rid of them because you now share a child with their son. You are speaking from a place of frustration, anger, and hurt, and only you can heal you, whether that be with meds, counseling, etc. But I advise not to get rid of a guy you love because of the way you feel. If you both are on the same page with how to raise your child and handle events in your life, you are a lot farther along than most. It comes down to you and your FI’s communication.
Take care…it isn’t easy, it sucks, and it takes a lot of work.
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
Thank you everyone for the input. A lot has happened in the last week – and all for the better. Fiance and I had a heart-to-heart and I could not imagine my life without him. Though we are not getting married because we had a child, we both want to be a family for her… if that makes sense. She is the glue of our relationship sometimes (not always).
We have since put down the deposit for the photographer, and the venue. We have talked with family extensively and it is only his parents that really feel the way they do. My Fiance and I have both decided to let it go. If they come to events for LO, great, if not, oh well. We won’t go out of our way to spend time with them, and our lives won’t evolve around them.
We will make other parts of our family more important. Our baby will know her great grandparents (like I did) which is amazing to me. And we will spend as much time with my parents as possible.
We are happier together when they are not around.
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