(Closed) Mutual Hate with Future-In-Laws

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 16
1881 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


Daenaria727:  what is your fiance doing to stop their treatment of you? I know that if my fiance’s parents ever treated me poorly, he would tell them they would not see him or any grandchildren until they learned to behave respectfully.

Post # 17
7641 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
Daenaria727:  In tryting to keep this short, so what if they don’t come to the birthday? Do you not realize that is a manipulation technique?

I have an overbearing Mother-In-Law. I can see signs of guilt tripping and manipulation now. Honestly, they are only hurting their grandchild by not showing up (yes and no because at one the baby won’t remember anyway). They are entitled to feel the way they want. If they want to sulk because you guys can’t make an event then so be it. Your decision stands. If they say, “Well, then we just won’t come to the first birthday!” Say, “I’m sorry you won’t be making it to your grandchild’s party.” and that is that.

It’s a hard thing to do but honestly…you not marrying their son is not because of them and hating you. It’s becuase you are allowing them to control YOUR feelings. They are not making you feel upset. YOU are allowing you to feel upset. The sooner you say “my decision stands” the better off you will be. Our of my depression, I told DH it would have been better had I not married him, but in truth, I wouldn’t be happy. I love my DH a LOT, and I said that out of frustration and letting my Mother-In-Law control how I felt. I am still learning, but I am coping a lot better with just telling her, “Sorry you feel that way.” She has NO ammunition to that. She wants to fight. She wants to be right, but she can’t if I just apologize for her feeling the way she does.

Besides, in all this, you will never get rid of them because you now share a child with their son. You are speaking from a place of frustration, anger, and hurt, and only you can heal you, whether that be with meds, counseling, etc. But I advise not to get rid of a guy you love because of the way you feel. If you both are on the same page with how to raise your child and handle events in your life, you are a lot farther along than most. It comes down to you and your FI’s communication.

Take care…it isn’t easy, it sucks, and it takes a lot of work.

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