(Closed) Mutual Maids of Honor… How to time weddings?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Not everyone requires a lot of work from their maid of honor.  You might want to talk to your friend about her expectations to see how much involvement she wants from you.  Also, she might enjoy having you planning at the same time so that you two can commiserate together.  I would make sure to have at least a month between you two so that there aren’t conflicts between honeymoon plans and that sort of thing.  Plus with two years to plan, there isn’t really going to be a whirlwind to get things done.

Post # 4
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

Honestly, with her wedding being that far off, I don’t think it would be a problem for you to have yours before hers. I have a longer engagement and one of my BMs got married before me and I was her maid of honor – since my wedding was pretty far after hers, I was able to focus on helping her plan and I didn’t have much going on in my planning! 

Post # 5
146 posts
Blushing bee

My friend and I are doing ours a month apart. We’ve kind of been doing our duties side by side and it’s been ever MORE fun!

Post # 6
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you have to worry about setting your date for before hers.  It’s almost a year and a half away, it’s not like she’s been planning her wedding for months and you jumped in at the last minute to plan a quicky wedding before her.  If you’re going to be each other’s maids of honor, you’ll probably want at least a month in between so whoever goes first can honeymoon and get settled before the next wedding. 

I would just talk to her. If she’s a reasonable person and a good friend, she’ll be happy you two are planning weddings close to each other so you can talk about planning and all that together.  If she really cared that no one get married before her, she wouldn’t be having such a long engagement.  Sit down and say to her, “You know Fiance and I are talking marriage, and we were hoping to do the fall of 2012 too- would that make you uncomfortable?” She may say something like “Not at all, just don’t do October 26th!” or “I’d appreciate it if we could have the month of October, but otherwise, go for it.” which are both reasonable.  If she says something like “WHAT! You can’t get married in 2012 at all, that’s MY year!”, well, then you know she’s crazy and you should run for the hills 😉

Post # 7
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

My Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married too..her sister’s her Maid/Matron of Honor but im still a Bridesmaid or Best Man. I have been with Fiance much longer but she got engaged before us. I’m getting married first though. She had originally planned to get married in October but now it’s September. We’re getting married at the end of July. Neither one of us has much for the other to do… so focusing on each other’s wedding isnt an issue. I will say this, before i was officially engaged, the date changed about a million times. So, who knows, you might decide you want a summer wedding or a winter wedding instead.

Post # 8
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011 - The Tribute Golf Club

I’m having a longer engagement (wedding in April 2011) and my Maid/Matron of Honor recently got engaged.  She was awesome and asked me about her setting her date before me, which of course I had no problems with.  So she’ll be getting married this fall and I will be next spring. 

Since I’ve already been engaged for almost a year, I have most of the big things nailed down, so it will be nice to switch gears and focus on her wedding, and Maid/Matron of Honor duties for her like the bridal shower and bachelorette party.  Hopefully that will also make the time fly by for my wedding.

Hope everything works out! With it being so far away I really don’t see any problem with your wedding being before her.  I would give it a couple of months space in between weddings.

Post # 9
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

My Maid/Matron of Honor is psuedo-engaged (they have just set a date and he has a ring but not officially engaged yet) and she set her wedding for 3 months after mine. I’m thrilled! She has already been super involved in talking through all kinds of ideas and helping me research, but now that she’s going to be planning her own wedding I think we’ll have even more stuff to talk about! I’m so excited to help her like she’s been helping me and I think it’ll be awesome to go through everything together. 

I guess we don’t have a lot of issues that other friends might have… we live in different cities, have totally different budgets (hers is way more), different styles, and will have almost entirely different guest lists. So there really isn’t any comparing or anything going on. But really even if she were having it here I don’t think I would care at all. Then she’d just be around to shop with rather than doing everything online! 🙂

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