(Closed) My 15yr Old Cat Died & FH called off the wedding!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4460 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow. First, I don’t want to add to your upset, but you should section this out. It was hard to read. Second, I am so sorry about your cat. I know it’s hard to lose a family pet. Three, I’m confused as to why your Fiance is upset.

Is he upset because you didn’t attend the wedding or is he upset because you flipped out about her dress? In any case, give him some space and time and allow yourself some time to mourn.

Then talk it out. Communication is key. I don’t like when people threaten each other with ending a relationship with no reason. If he can call off the wedding over a dress or you missing the wedding, then what else can he call off the wedding/arriage for?

Post # 3
Member
2933 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Oh my lord.  I’m so sorry, this has to be such a difficult time for you.

The best advice (?) I can give is to take time for yourself and give everything else time to settle.  I understand FI’s and family’s being upset with you not attending the wedding, especially with all of the stress between you and Future Sister-In-Law.  That being said, this was a difficult time for you and hopefully they’ll come to accept it. 

Your fiancee will come around, I’m sure of it. Whatever you do, do not wallow in misery, do not call/beg/plead with him.  Take space, and give him his.  He’s obviously upset too and you both need time to move through this.  I’m sure it’ll all work out, and your parents are right.

Good luck to you, sweets.  It’s tough right now but this will get better!

Post # 4
Member
6377 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely agree with your family. You lost a HUGE part of your life that day, the least your Fiance could have done was be understanding. I’m so sorry that this happened to you but if this is the way he acts then you deserve much better. 

His sister sounds like a tool. 

Post # 5
Member
5092 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with your family!  If he can just call it off this easy-he’s not committed for the long haul.  You will definitely do better.  I’m sorry. ๐Ÿ™

Post # 6
Member
293 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

wow. it seems to me that htere has been a HUGE amount of over-reacting on both your parts. i mean you have to put some perspective onto this situation here. weddings are not life or death…they are a day that will come and go. people freak out and i don’t understand why…ever. not saying this is all your fault, but crying and freaking over isues like the same dress/dates/venues is just ridiculous. if it’s not life or death, there’s really no sense in stressing. as far as missing Future Sister-In-Law wedding – that’s unacceptable, and probably how your Fiance saw it as well. deceased pet or not, i mean, i would think you could pull yourself together enough to get through a wedding. i have lost pets before and it would have not made me miss an event that was so important to my Fiance and his family. i think you should probably work on your emotional stability. i don’t men to sound harsh, but i am not one of those girls on here that tells everyone what they want to hear either ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 7
Member
1338 posts
Bumble bee

 Oh wow! That’s a really, really tough situation! Have you talked to Fiance since the incident? Maybe you should give him a few days to calm down and then talk things over.

Post # 8
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I like your parents. ALOT.

They really mean what they are saying, and I think they raised you correctly (saying thank you, writing thank you’s…etc).

Unfortunately, this is horrible and I am sorry you have to go though this. But I am so confused why your Fiance wasn’t more comforting to you….and will he walk out anytime you REALLY need him? 

I understand why the Fi family was upset you didnt go to the wedding…i mean its kinda major…but I also understand why you werent there, also kinda major! These people seem like they just care about themselves and only themselves. It’s unfortunate.

I am sorry you are going through this. If this is the end all of this relationship, I am sure there is a gentleman out there that would stand up for you and let you be happy on one of the happiest days of your life…when you are glowing of engagement! Good luck, and if you decide to get back together for some reason….make sure he is on your team too. I tell my Fiance all the time when there is an issue with his family…that first and foremost we are on the same TEAM always! We dont have to agree with each other, but we have to be supportive and behind each other.

Good luck, and again sorry about your loss daisy. 

 

Post # 9
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

i think the advice your family is giving you is good advice.  You deserve someone way better than this, preferably with a nice, normal sister!

Post # 10
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Kristen0128: yikes.  lots of hugs, hun.  I’m so so sorry about your kitty. ๐Ÿ™  I just recently lost a pet, myself, and I’m soooo sooo sorry. ๐Ÿ™

That said… um.  I’m gonna be blunt.  Your ex-FI is a jerk.  

First red flag:  his sister should NEVER have entered the picture for when he wanted to propose to YOU.  So she wanted to be “the first”, whoop-t-do.  Would he have to wait for HER to have the first kid?  (what would happen if that didn’t happen???)

Second red flag: he didn’t call to ask how you were?!?!?!?  Uh… it was my Fiance who told me the news about my bunny and he then held me and took me out to a movie.  Pretty sure a wedding wouldn’t have been in the picture.  We NEVER went a day without making sure we called or texted each other to find out how each other is/was.  

Third red flag: He didn’t stand up for YOU to his family.

And breaking it off over an argument over a dress and you being too ill to attend a wedding???  yeah, there’s a huge flag right there.  

Sorry, but it sounds like you might’ve been saved a lot of heartache in the long run.  

Call up your sister and your parents and lean on them.  Go out with your friends.  Grieve over your kitty.  Take a break from everything and don’t THINK about any of it.  Give it a couple days or even a week.  (I know, easier said than done).  THEN think about it and talk it over with your sister or a friend or even a therapist.  

I’m soooo sorry you’re going through all this.  ((((HUGS))))

 

Post # 10
Member
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Unfortunately, to some people a pet is just a pet and the death of one is something we should all just suck up and move past quickly… however, as a pet owner myself, I understand that losing a pet (especially a 15 year old one!) is not an easy thing to take in stride…

That said, I’m not sure if not going to your FSIL’s wedding because of it was a good idea. It does really sound like you were a mess that day (understandibly), however your future family probably saw it as incredibly inconsiderate to your Future Sister-In-Law and to them that you didn’t attend over a cat, especially with all the history between you two. In the end, it might have been best that you didn’t go, but I guess I’m not sure not being there to see the exact situation.

Your Fiance probably spent the whole day hearing about how awful you are for not attending his sister’s wedding… and by the end of the day he probably agreed. If he was really completely unwilling to see your side of it though (the realization that the dress and the wedding date are not what is important, and your feelings about losing Daisy), I’d say he isn’t the kind of man who deserves you.

Post # 11
Member
30399 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m sorry you are going through this.

If your Fiance called off the engagement because you did not attend his sister’s wedding, then he truly is not the man for you. I suspect there is more to it than that, although he  may have been very hurt by your decision not to show up for his sister’s wedding.

Are you being honest with yourself about your feelings re your ex-FI’s sister? You expressed feelings of strong anger many times over her actions or decisions, then minimized them by saying things like ” But I was taught to never do things to receive a ‘thank you’ so I shrugged it off the best I could”, “The dress was just a dress & it had no importance to my wedding day”.

Give it some time and see what happens.

Post # 11
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This is incredibly sad, and although I have no ‘sound’ advice to offer, wanted to offer condolences.  As someone dealing with losses, both in love and in life, all I can say is time is the best thing.  Time to mourn, time to be sad, time to heal. 

I am hoping that whatever outcome YOU want is the outcome YOU receive, but taking time and figuring that out is really key right now. 

As your family stated – do you really want to be with someone who would walk away under these circumstances?? Or, is this just a bump in the road you two need to communicate about??

Only you will know.   Good luck!!

Post # 12
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

His sister sounds like a piece of work. If there any chance this will blow over? I can see where his family would be upset that you missed the entire wedding. Your ex-FI was probably hearing them griping all day and that could have led to the blow up. I’ve lost a family pet and it was terrible but I think I could’ve gotten it together enough to attend a wedding reception. Were you planning on just skipping the ceremony and then showing up later? The fact that he didn’t check on you AT ALL during the day to see how you were doing is troubling. Your parents are probably right.

Post # 13
Member
1851 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

HUGS!

I’m so sorry!  Losing a pet is so hard, he should have understood!  Honestly, I don’t know how much of that I could handle and continue wanting to be with my Fiance.  It doesn’t seem like your Fiance likes to stand up for you.  I’m not saying to start drama but at the minimum have respect/understand you and your feelings!  Try to keep focussed on the ones you love right now and hopefully your Fiance will cool down and you two can go to a counselor/mediator and discuss how you’ve been feeling.  I’d personally print this off and bring it with you just to show how you’ve been feeling. 

Also, I hate when people don’t send thank you’s.  I always send them and my in-laws don’t so it’s a little irritating.

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