WOWZERS!! This just sounds horrible! I feel for you, I really do. I agree with most of the PP’s and I truly hope that you are reading them all so that you can assess your situation thoroughly and stop being the victim, because that is exactly what you have been from the start – the VICTIM – of being of less inportance to your Fiance than what his sister is to him. The very first thing that alarmed me was the fact that he had to “consult” his sister first, before proposing to you. It’s as if he had to obtain her permission. Yes, he might be considerate of her feelings but come on, they are ADULTS aren’t they? What if she was never going to marry. Would that mean no marriage for you and FI? You say that you admire the fact that he cares so much for her feelings, but how does the fact that he cares so much for her feelings even if it means tramping on yours, make you feel? There NEEDS to be a compromise. HE can’t ALWAYS place her needs in front of yours, and it’s not like you guys JUST started dating. In this day and age, 3 years is a huge record-breaker. And I was totally taken aback when he told you to downplay your happines for her sake!! I am sorry to say this but you are TOO soft. That request was just ridiculous. Talk about casting a shadow over what should have been a bright moment for you.
When you broke the news to his family and she reacted that way, HE should not have accepted that irrespective of the fact that he expected it. Like I said, they are adults and should be able to talk about it. I think she purposefully wanted the wedding in the same month as you initially, just so that yours would be pushed back and she could get what she wanted from the beginning – To be married FIRST. From what I understand, your Fiance agreed to your date being pushed back without consulting you. Once again, who cares how you feel about it, right (sorry if that sounds harsh).
Regarding the dress, did she know or could she have had an idea that you had picked that one? It does sound a bit too coincidental to me, but hey, they say you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt. IF she did NOT know that it’s the same dress, then maybe you DID overreact which is understandable considering all the compromises you ALREADY had to make for her sake.
I am truly sorry about your cat. I know exactly how you feel. I am a HUGE cat-lover and recently lost a cat that was birthed before me, abandoned by her mother at the age of 1 week and from there on reared by myself. I use to feed her milk with a teet and she would hold my finger with her little paws. As I think about this now, my eyes are starting to tear up. She was my little Star and although she did not make it to 15, her death was a huge blow to me especially because it was unexpected (we suspect she was poisened because her illness was a mystery even to the vet). HOWEVER, not everyone feels the same way about animals and it could be that his familt simply thought that the reason for your absence was to say the least, pathetic. Did you inform your Fiance of how you were feeling, not only emotionally, but physically? They could have thought that the vomiting could have been controlled by some type of medication. This was a very important event to his family and considering all the planning and money that goes into weddings, attendance is important. I. personally, would be upset if someone so close to me backed out on the day. To an extent, I understand why your Fiance is upset about that. How would you like it if she just didn’t show up on your day. I also think that he may think that your absence goes beyond the death of your cat, especially since the argument about the dress was just the night before the wedding. He probably thinks you were being spiteful by not attending. That being said, however, I do not think it was good enough reason to call off your WEDDING. And regarding this, I definitely agree with PP’s that if he could so easily call off the wedding, there is something drastically wrong.
You are obviously hurting because you love him and you want to see the best in him. But do you always want to be second to his family because this will always cause trouble between you. If he does come back to you, make sure you talk about all of this very thoroughly. He knows he has a hold over you. Don’t be his puppet on a string.