(Closed) My 15yr Old Cat Died & FH called off the wedding!

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 44
Member
1713 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Im so sorry!! For BOTH your losses. They dont seem very supportive of you which is not very comforting, to know your going to marry into this family.

I think the reasonings for your being upset are TOTALLY valid. Maybe once the Hoo-Rah settles down and ya’ll can talk clearly and things through.

Best of Luck! Again Im so sorry for all your recent hurt! XO

Post # 45
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

I think your SO will come around. however: do you really want to spend your life in such a drama filled family? it’s not going to stop after your wedding. there may be drama for the rest of your life, every holiday, every birth, etc. do you really want that?

some other people here commented about you for crying all night over your dress. I am willing to venture out and say that deep down, you weren’t really crying over that– you were probably letting all kinds of stress build up and that was the final straw. 

so, it sounds like they are filled with all kinds of drama, and that they are really able to get under your skin. I’m including your SO here, he really needs to get a grip, who breaks up with a person over that?  I’m really sorry to say it, but it does not sound like you, him, and his family are a good match. you should move on for your own mental health.

Post # 46
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011 - Mackinaw Valley Vineyard; Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts

I am so sorry you are going through this.  I think the PPs have given you lots to think about, so I won’t add anymore to that, but I just wanted to say I’m sorry and I hope things get better in your life.  *hugs*

Post # 47
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow.

I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry 🙁

But I see some huge red flags….

-“Don’t be too happy”?!?!?! WTF. He should have been shouting from rooftops

-You got the third degree from his family??? He needed to have stood up for you and your decisions, you do NOT deserve to be grilled

-The whole family was upset because you didn’t go to FSIL’s bach party?!?! Who the f*** cares?! You had previous plans, short notice and politely declined by responding to the hostess. They have NO right to be upset with you

Future Sister-In-Law needs to learn to be happy for her brother and maybe someday he’ll realize that he lost an AWESOME girl that put up with his CRAZY family!!

I hope he one day he realizes how this is 100% his fault.

 

Keep your chin up…it will get better, I promise!

Post # 48
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I totally agree with your family – if he calls the wedding off with no reason, you do not deserve him.  Plus, do you really want to spend your life with him with his family constantly giving you attitude and cold shoulders???? Let them live a miserable life – you deserve so much better! 

Post # 49
Member
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you dodged a bullet. His family seems too fixated on appeasing his sister and her endless tantrums. Sorry about I’m with your parents. Yes it sucks that you had to miss her wedding vs a pet dying. Some people are sympathetic in those cases (others not so much. Maybe his family isn’t the type to view pets=family). But the bottom line is that has your fiance she should know YOU. And that your pet was like family to YOU, that is what should have been his focus. Rather than YOU its about his SISTER… again. So yes you were spared a lifetime of nonsense and competition from his sister. What was going to be next? Would you have to schedule your pregnancy around her to?

Post # 50
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

WOWZERS!! This just sounds horrible! I feel for you, I really do. I agree with most of the PP’s and I truly hope that you are reading them all so that you can assess your situation thoroughly and stop being the victim, because that is exactly what you have been from the start – the VICTIM – of being of less inportance to your Fiance than what his sister is to him. The very first thing that alarmed me was the fact that he had to “consult” his sister first, before proposing to you. It’s as if he had to obtain her permission. Yes, he might be considerate of her feelings but come on, they are ADULTS aren’t they? What if she was never going to marry. Would that mean no marriage for you and FI? You say that you admire the fact that he cares so much for her feelings, but how does the fact that he cares so much for her feelings even if it means tramping on yours, make you feel? There NEEDS to be a compromise. HE can’t ALWAYS place her needs in front of yours, and it’s not like you guys JUST started dating. In this day and age, 3 years is a huge record-breaker.  And I was totally taken aback when he told you to downplay your happines for her sake!! I am sorry to say this but you are TOO soft. That request was just ridiculous. Talk about casting a shadow over what should have been a bright moment for you. 

When you broke the news to his family and she reacted that way, HE should not have accepted that irrespective of the fact that he expected it. Like I said, they are adults and should be able to talk about it. I think she purposefully wanted the wedding in the same month as you initially, just so that yours would be pushed back and she could get what she wanted from the beginning – To be married FIRST. From what I understand, your Fiance agreed to your date being pushed back without consulting you. Once again, who cares how you feel about it, right (sorry if that sounds harsh). 

Regarding the dress, did she know or could she have had an idea that you had picked that one? It does sound a bit too coincidental to me, but hey, they say you should always give someone the benefit of the doubt. IF she did NOT know that it’s the same dress, then maybe you DID overreact which is understandable considering all the compromises you ALREADY had to make for her sake. 

I am truly sorry about your cat. I know exactly how you feel. I am a HUGE cat-lover and recently lost a cat that was birthed before me, abandoned by her mother at the age of 1 week and from there on reared by myself. I use to feed her milk with a teet and she would hold my finger with her little paws. As I think about this now, my eyes are starting to tear up. She was my little Star and although she did not make it to 15, her death was a huge blow to me especially because it was unexpected (we suspect she was poisened because her illness was a mystery even to the vet). HOWEVER, not everyone feels the same way about animals and it could be that his familt simply thought that the reason for your absence was to say the least, pathetic. Did you inform your Fiance of how you were feeling, not only emotionally, but physically? They could have thought that the vomiting could have been controlled by some type of medication. This was a very important event to his family and considering all the planning and money that goes into weddings, attendance is important. I. personally, would be upset if someone so close to me backed out on the day. To an extent, I understand why your Fiance is upset about that. How would you like it if she just didn’t show up on your day. I also think that he may think that your absence goes beyond the death of your cat, especially since the argument about the dress was just the night before the wedding. He probably thinks you were being spiteful by not attending. That being said, however, I do not think it was good enough reason to call off your WEDDING. And regarding this, I definitely agree with PP’s that if he could so easily call off the wedding, there is something drastically wrong. 

You are obviously hurting because you love him and you want to see the best in him. But do you always want to be second to his family because this will always cause trouble between you. If he does come back to you, make sure you talk about all of this very thoroughly. He knows he has a hold over you. Don’t be his puppet on a string. 

 

Post # 51
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with your family and pp, he doesn’t deserve you and you obviously deserve better.

While reading your post about him waiting to propose until his sisters bf proposed, you said it was sweet for him to take in to account her feelings, right then I got a bad vibe. There is a difference between caring for a siblings feelings and putting your life on hold and it seems that is what he did and would have probably done for the rest of your life (I mean if she wants a child and cannot get pregnant does that mean you have to wait until she does? or buy a house? or anything else?) Also pushing the wedding back a year because of her? COME ON, I don’t find that sweet at all, I find that spineless.

Also it sounds like he doesn’t value your feelings very much at all. I mean your beloved cat died and he broke up with you because you weren’t at his bitchy entitled sisters wedding? I would explain the situation to him about not wanting to cause a scene and if he decides he wants to work it out he needs counseling to work out trying to please his family and not stepping on toes while putting you and your feelings on the backburner all the time. If he doesn’t want to work it out or you decide you want something better for youself then you dodged a bullet. Anyone who takes their sister’s side over his future wife’s is not a good man to marry.

Post # 52
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

I definitely think his sister has way too much control over him.  what is their relationship like?  does he feel like he has to please her all the time?  are they really close?  i do think it is wrong that you two were forced to push back your wedding date for her.  as long as he is living close by to her, she will probably continue to control him.  

Post # 53
Member
6586 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

There are so many “should have” things about his post… on both sides.  I don’t think either of you acted completely appropriately.

I just wanted to point out that the ladies posting saying that is was ok for the OP to miss the wedding might be pissed if someone cancelled on them at the last minute and you paid for their dinner etc…  I have read a lot of posts about how hurt people are when someone RSVP’s yes and then doesn’t show.

Not saying that a pet isn’t important- I had to call out of work when my dog died.  But I’m not sure I would have missed a future family member’s wedding over it.

But when it all comes down to it- he chose his family over you.  Which does not make for a good marriage at all.  You do deserve better.

Post # 53
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
Post # 54
Member
1773 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wo, just wow. I am sending some major *hugs* your way

Post # 55
Member
1182 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am so sorry about your cat. I would be absolutely devastated if anything happened to mine. Of course you weren’t up to going to the wedding; anyone who doesn’t understand that doesn’t need to be in your life, much less married to you. Your parents have the right idea. After three years, it’ll be hard, but it sounds like you have a wonderful, supportive family. You deserve to have that in the family you’re starting as well, and honestly, it sounds like this man put kow-towing to his sister’s princess fantasies ahead of his relationship with you, his future wife. That’s messed up. I am so, so sorry about Daisy, but it sounds like she saved you from a terrible mistake.

Post # 56
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m so sorry to hear about your kitty cat. I love cats, and hae had them all my life, so understand how you’re feeling. His sister sounds like a knobcheese – her choosing the same dress as you was bad enough. God, I thought I had it bad when my sister-in-law (to be!) got a very similar engagement ring to mine. Your family are absolutely right – he’s being an idiot. Hopefully he’ll come round but you should stand your ground. This isn’t your fault at all.

Post # 57
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hug,…I am very sorry that you are going through thius difficult time.

thoughout the entire process your Fiance has placed his sister Needs/Desires above yours. I am not sure if he was really serious when he says the wedding is cancelled or if he was just hurt that you didnt show up.

 

Probably he thinks u stayed away because of the dress?

But you know him best and I dont have all the details. I really hope things get better soon. I know that its tough when you dont get along with your in laws

 

DO keep us posted on the situation.

The topic ‘My 15yr Old Cat Died & FH called off the wedding!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors