(Closed) My 1st RSVP drama and I don't know how to handle it :( Advice Please

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

“We’re really sorry, but our venue can only hold 80 people.  We’ve invited that many.  If anyone declines, we can let you know, but right now we’re going to have to say no.”  Don’t tell them you think others will decline; wait until they DO decline and you can make the decision whether to have the UNinvited guests attend.

Post # 4
960 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@O.My.Heart:  if you’re concerned then just let them know that you can’t accomodate the additional guests. or you can wait and see how other RSVPs come in before responding.


I don’t think you should be that concerned about hitting or going over your 80, I’d be expecting maybe 60 to show up of the ones you invited since its VERY rare that everyone invited RSVPs yes

Post # 5
1193 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If your venue only holds 80 people I think you’d have an issue allowing three extras on one RSVP. Someone else might request a plus one or there may be someone you’d forgotten initially and you don’t want to max out on people on one RSVP

Post # 6
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I personally wouldn’t. It is your wedding and it is rude to me when other people start inviting others to someone else’s event. 

The day after my rsvps were due, i had a guest ask if he could change his +1 to a +2. I asked why. He said because he wanted to bring his two guy friends (that I don’t know) because they were in town for spring break.. I politely said that he could stick with his +1, but that we could unfortunately not accommodate a +2 due to capacity and already submitting our head count. I was shocked at how rude his request was. 


I also had a cousin that said he was bringing his gf and she was a no show. Bye bye $4& for her plate.

Post # 7
7276 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@peachacid:  This exactly. They should definitely understand.

Post # 8
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You can let them know that due to space limitations you have to keep the wedding small, but you still want them to be part of your day and if there are people who decline you would love your cousins to come too.

The boyfriend of the cousin should absolutely not come.  A teenager does not need her boyfriend at a family wedding.  

Post # 9
32 posts


I would be completely honest.  Tell them that you’re delighted they’d all like to come and that you’d love to be able to accomodate them all but that the venue only has capacity for 80 people.  Let them know that if they don’t mind being last minute add ons then you’ll happily have them join you for your day but that you need to wait for all other RSVPs to come back before you can confirm if there is room enough.

I think if they were confident/comfortable enough to ask for add ons they should completely understand the situation that you are in and will probably be happy enough to ‘wait and see’ if you can accomodate.  Hope this helps xx

Post # 10
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@peachacid:  +1

Tell them right now you’re close to capacity, and if you do get declines you’ll let them know.

Post # 11
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I agree with PP, politely tell them that you can’t accomodate their 2 children and a bf.

Post # 12
3267 posts
Sugar bee

I disagree with you that it was nice of them to ask your mom.  No it wasn’t.  It put you in an awkward position.

The polite thing to do was to either accept or decline the invitation as it was issued.

I wouldn’t modify just because they were rude enough to ask to bring someone else.

You obviously didn’t include the cousins for a reason.  Unless something has changed to change the reason, stand your ground.

A simple “I’m sorry, but that won’t be possible” is all that is required.



Post # 13
8871 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@O.My.Heart:  tell them you cannot accommodate then right now. but as it gets closer, maybe 2-3 weeks out, you can extend the invitation to some B list people if you have the space and want to include them.


Post # 14
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t, becuase it screws over the polite people who actually read the invitation and resepcted your wishes.  Even if you do a “if we get declines”, it again screws the people who would have liked to bring children, their child’s “SO” who were too polite to ask you if they could impose on you.

Post # 15
1293 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

@O.My.Heart:  Whatever you originally decided to do, stick to it. If you had “rules” in place for who was invited, i.e. only those who are married get a +1, then that applies to everyone. People shouldn’t be calling asking for exceptions. If you had wanted to invite the teenagers, let alone their +1s, then you would have.

Post # 16
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Well they weren’t invited to your wedding, so why exactly do you need to say anything other than that?

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