(Closed) My 1st RSVP drama and I don't know how to handle it :( Advice Please

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@O.My.Heart:  If you say yes to them, it’ll probably be unfair to others who aren’t being permitted to bring their kids. Also, if the venue holds 80 and you’ ve already got 73, this is cutting it close… for people you don’t even want there. Politely explain that the venue is already at capacity and you had to draw the line somewhere, and that you hope they can make it.

Post # 19
9168 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It’s your call and you shouldn’t feel bad saying no. It’s pretty rude of them to ask, and even ruder to ask for a date for one of their kids who wasn’t even invited in the first place!  If you think you might have room later, just tell them you can’t committ to that now but will let them know when all the RSVPs come in if you have space.

Post # 20
2265 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@peachacid:  +1. leave the possibility open, but don’t say yes. let them know honestly where you are and add their kids/kids’ dates to the B list. call them first if everyone else declines.

Post # 21
4996 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@O.My.Heart:  If you left out some cousins I’d def say no to cousins adding extra guests. I think others may be upset or think you’re being unfair. 

Post # 23
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think at the moment you should say no but perhaps suggest that nearer the time (as in 1 week before when you definitly know who is/isn’t coming) you may have some spaces if you get any declines. If you’ve already sent your invites to 80 guests then it’s obvious those are the 80 guests you wanted there – not you godparents children! If you end up having under the 80 accept then either way you’d have probably asked some last minute reserve list guests so I shouldn’t think other guests would be too offended if your reserve list included you godparents children. 

I’m assuming your godparents are going to come regardless or whether you add their children? 

Post # 24
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@O.My.Heart:  Just be honest. “Currently, we have to tentatively say no because the space restriction is really tight. If a couple people RSVP “no” we’ll let you know asap!” If you don’t mind/would like them coming, that is. Otherwise just say “no, the space is tight and I would feel bad bringing your kids when we didn’t let other do that.” Or something along those lines.


Post # 25
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

By the way…..boyfriend of cousion should get an outright “no”. I think it’s rude to ask if he can come along – it’s not like they’re married or something!!! 

Post # 26
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

Ok, based on what you’ve told us thus far, you have invited exactly 80 people that you and your Fiance agreed upon as “the closest friends & family”

In making THAT LIST… you had to forego other people…

Aunts & Uncles, various Cousins etc.

Now you have a situation where someone has approached your Mom asking if they can bring extras.

The correct response here is NO

And for all the reasons as given by…

@MariContrary:  (Reply # 13) and

View original reply
@BoxerLady:  (Reply # 14)

IF you had thought things thru a bit further, you might have come up with a Plan for a B-List, folks you’d Invite IF there was space

(B-List Invites go out as the NO RSVPs come in… IF you get a NO for 4 people, you can send out an Invitation to cover 2 people… this is incase someone should change their mind at the last minute from a NO to YES you still have some wiggle room)


This family was very RUDE for asking your Mother to bring their kids… and a Date for a teenager no less

8-} *rolls eyes*

You have no obligation to accomodate ANY of the extras.

If you wish to begin a B-List, then go back to your original thought process and look at the full list of Aunts & Uncles and Cousins that got missed, and WHO on there takes priority.

Hope this helps,

PS  (( HUGS )) YES you will get thru this… it will be over soon.  As stated the whole Invite / RSVP Cycle is THE WORST part of Wedding Planning for sure.


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