(Closed) My 1st Waiting Vent…oh boy

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
609 posts
Busy bee

Mine is telling me I won’t get my ring until I stop talking about marriage. I know why, but it’s like word vomit. I know he wants the proposal to be perfect, but I don’t want to be reminded about being punished for my inability to keep quiet!

Post # 5
Member
223 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

ugh I would be annoyed as well.

Post # 6
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@MrsWe:  I might get flamed for suggesting this re: time dating before getting married, but it’s possible that he’s thinking a timeline around 5 years because you’ve only been dating for 8 months. I’m not sure how old you both are, but it might not seem unreasonable to him to be dating for 5-6 years before becoming engaged.

Post # 7
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MrsWe:  Woah woah woah.  You’ve been together 8 months and you’re already getting upset about marriage talk?  If you’re serious about him, what difference does it make if you get married now, or six years from now?

 

Post # 8
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

People are probably like “Corn is too young to know what she is talking about” and maybe they’re right.

SO and I did start discussing marriage very early in our relationship. Probably around the 8 month mark. It was a very mutual discussion. But he also said that we should wait until he graduated from grad school (which would have been about 4.5 years out from that point). As we continued on in our relationship, he’s started talking about 3 years of dating and then marriage.

I think, as you get to know one another, the idea of marriage and when it should happen can shift. However, don’t hope for that. If you can’t be okay with dating that long, then you have to wonder whether you want the ring/wedding more than the man.

Post # 9
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

I totally remember being there. The point where I was like I don’t want to hear marry come out of your mouth unless it is on one knee lets not talk about it. Becuase it made me think he was ready and he wasn’t ready. I will say this now that I am engaged I sort of miss the anticipation of waiting so I know it makes you crazy and angry and anxious and wondering if he is just going to keep kicking the can down the road… but try to stop and enjoy the excitement and don’t let it get in the way of just being in love where you are because you will never have it back. I know right now you are saying thank God I don’t want it back… but as crazy as waiting made me there is something about that excitement that I almost miss. I wish I had stopped and enjoyed the just dating for a second longer. 

Post # 10
Member
227 posts
Helper bee

@MissFemmeFatale:  Mine told me that too… ang when I shut up about it… he proposed! He kept is his word I sometimes wish I had done that sooner

Post # 15
Member
3321 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsWe:  Honestly, it was just a joke, and I don’t think you being pissed off at him will help the situation. My Fiance used to make a similar joke about us getting married in 7-10 years…he even worked it into the proposal! Some boys are just dummies, and I think that’s your SO’s way of making an awkward conversation lighter, and also throwing you off maybe. Guys don’t like to have their plans foiled, and I think by making him feel bad, it could potentially really kill his spirits.

Post # 16
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

While I don’t think you should be getting upset over a joke, now that you know it is a joke, I do think that hearing five years can be quite shocking. Especially when you two are more established in your lives, not saying that you’re old, because 34 is certainly not old. But it isnt like you are an 18 year old bride wanting to talk about marriage at eight months. I think there is a big difference between 34 years old and a young young bride (18-20). 5 years from now you’d be almost 40 and he would in his 40s. I don’t know if this is a first or second marriage, but I can see how, once you’re older, you know what you want and expect out of your relationship. Glad to hear you two talked about it and you seem to be closer to the same page. 

I think talking about it at the 1 year mark would be okay in your case. Do you have a timeline in mind, other than not 5 years?

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