(Closed) My abortion and beyond… <– sensitive subject… :*(

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m really sorry you are so torn up about this 🙁 I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. It sounds like what you’re feeling is normal for a lot of people who go through with getting an abortion. I agree with the rest of the bees that you should definitely look into going to a support group. I was very skeptical about how much good a support group would do me for a totally different issue, but I went and it felt relieving to just be able to speak with other people who knew exactly what I deal with. Talking about it (which I’m assuming you feel guilt about bc you mentioned you never have actually said anything about it in confession) will do wonders for you.

Post # 18
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

@Sasha2011:

Hi Sasha!  Yes, your obgyn can check your lining and for any scar tissues to be sure you look ‘child ready’ lol.  I’m glad the mayoclinic site was helpful – its very reputable and I think you can feel better logically.  It’s emotionally that is the tough part, I know.  I think having a good full exam for any fertility issues with your obgyn will really help to settle your mind.

Good luck to you!

Post # 19
Member
1211 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I know quite a few people who have had abortions-all of them have been able to have children. I know that isn’t scientific-but I thought it might make you feel better.

Post # 20
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

One of my closest friends had an abortion, and gave birth to three kids (the first, she gave up for adoption.)  Another friend had a preventable miscarriage in her late 20s (she didn’t know she was pregnant until the baby – and it was recognizable as such – passed through her IUD – she STRONGLY advises against that form of birth control), and she had two healthy babies after that.  So I don’t see it interfering with your fertility much.  

About half my friends who had abortions still beat themselves up over it. Heck, most women I know who had miscarriages beat themselves up over it, even though they are totally blameless.  My SIL had two miscarriages (both within the first three months) before she had my nephew, and they were SO nervous the entire time.

Post # 21
Member
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@crayfish: To clarify, I only have had four women confide this info to me over the course of my life, besides my mom, so maybe that doesn’t count as “many.” The first was a girl in high school who terminated a pregnancy just prior to graduation, and a couple months later after graduating wanted to try with her bf. She did not conceive for 2.5 years, then she miscarried. They stopped trying while they went back to school, however when trying again in their mid-20s they got pregnant easy.

The second was a girl in college who is married now. She previously had a healthy pregnancy that resulted in twins. It was a later-term abortion and since then she has struggled with RPL. No problem concieving but kept losing the baby. However she gave birth four months ago to a healthy baby boy! She only wants the three children.

The other two were both women I have met in the course of my work life, although by the time I met them they had both already had healthy children. We were all discussing the issue at work (! management did not know  we were having these sensitive discussions !) and they both said they had infertility afterward although they didn’t say for how long so maybe it was just a few months of trying and they thought that counted.

And then there is my mom who had problems for 6 years, but after her first pregnancy the next three came right on top of each other. Maybe there’s a psychological/stress element going on there. Putting the pressure on yourself can really mess things up.

My understanding is that an abortion plays the same hormonal role as a miscarriage. My Future Sister-In-Law also has RPL (no history of elective termination) and she has been told by her fertility specialist that after a loss of any kind it can take awhile for the body to get back to normal. She gets frustrated because besides the RPL, she can’t get pregnant right away afterward.

Post # 22
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Magdalena: Yes, the loss of any pregnancy, by any means – including birth – means that your hormones will be all whacked out for a while. For some women, your ovulation goes into over drive, for some, your periods are delayed/ovulation slows, and then for both your body (usually) evens out again.

But obviously, all I want to say to the OP is this: none of us have a large enough sample pool to tell you anything definitive. Only your doctor/published medical studies from unbiased sources can do that. It really sounds to me like you are having emotional issues not tied to anything medical that you have evidence for. Definitely go talk to a counselor and a Ob/Gyn! 🙂

Post # 23
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Sasha2011: Wow, I can’t believe the pill was not given to you as an option, given how early you terminated. It is far less invasive/traumatic. I hope your doctor had valid reasons for withholding it.

Your doctor can ABSOLUTELY do a workup on you to test your fertility. If it would make you feel better, I would go in and have them look at your uterine lining and do some bloodowrk. You had a checkup after your surgery, right? Usually they do an ultrsound to look at the uterus about 2 weeks after the procedure to make sure everything is on the up and up.

Post # 24
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

Hugs to you. I was pregant almost 2 years ago, drinking heavily, and seriously considering abortion. I had a miscarriage before I had to go through with the procedure. My heart goes out to you.

As far as the question about being able to conceive again- I have had three female relatives have an abortion, and all have children afterwards. The first relative did have a miscarriage before she was able to successfully carry a baby to term. The other two have had two children a piece with no issues.

Post # 25
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’ve never been where you are but I just wanted to give you a little bit of hope!  I have 3 close friend who have had abortions, and 2 of them are currently pregnant (one with her second child) and the other has a 5 month old.  They are all healthy, beautiful babies.

Thinking of you, wish there was more that I could say, but just wanted to share that.

Post # 26
Member
4437 posts
Honey bee

@Sasha2011: I just wanted to let you know that Project Rachel is not just for women, it is also for male partners who have had their girlfriend/fiancee/wife have an abortion. Maybe you and your Fiance would consider going to a meeting together? That way you would have someone to go with, and maybe your Fiance can gain some peace from it too.

Post # 27
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee

*hugs* My friend has had 2 abortions, but a year ago had a beautiful baby girl. 🙂 So it’s not impossible.

Post # 28
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve heard good things about Project Rachel too.

Also, there is nothing wrong with you or your fiance crying during counseling. It doesn’t make you weaker… sometimes we need to break down to build back up. And sorry for how cheesy that sounds.

Post # 29
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception

I can’t speak from personal experience, but I have had a few friends that have had abortions in their early years, then manage to get preggers and have healthy kids, when they were ready. In fact 2 of those friends have 2 abortions; my one friend had one when she was 18 and 21, got married at 26, gave birth to a beautiful boy at 28. My other friend had one at 24 and 27, then went on to have a health boy at 29. They had the same worries that you did. It’s only natural.

::hugs::

Post # 31
Member
460 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

my ex’s sister had an abortion when she was young and still conceived a child later. Of course, everyone is different, and you’re brave for sharing your story. Best thing I can tell you is to check with your doctor.

The topic ‘My abortion and beyond… <– sensitive subject… :*(’ is closed to new replies.

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