(Closed) My abortion and beyond… <– sensitive subject… :*(

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 32
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2011

My heart, too, goes out to you. I had an abortion 1 year before I met my FH, and it was SO HARD for me to tell him, probably because just talking about it brings back all the grief and self hate that comes with the memory… He’s always been so supportive, and I have the same fear as you, one day, in the next few years, when we are ready to have children, we won’t be able to and it’ll be all my fault. …. We’ve talked about that alot and united we take the position that if we’re blessed enough, we’ll have a ton of kids πŸ˜€ and if not, then we’ll have a house full of dogs and cats and continue to be an awesome auntie/ uncle couple! πŸ™‚

Most people in my family and life don’t know about the abortion still. And even fewer know about the rape at age 18 (my sister, FH and 2 friends). I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be up front about either. The rape still makes my stomach knot and mind and body freeze, which is sad. FH is very sensitive and loving, especially about that though, which is the best feeling in the world πŸ™‚

But our bodies and minds heal, and as terrible as the world can be, we are all here because there is at least one amazing person in our life who makes us feel whole and loved like noone else πŸ™‚   Yay FH’s!!!!

Post # 33
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee

I had an abortion when I was 25.  That was 11 years ago.  I am Catholic.  I kept all those feelings inside until about 4 years ago.  I kept seeing retreats for something called Rachel’s Vineyard.  I finally went and I was scared to death!  But, it was the best thing ever. A priest was there part of the time and for every horrible comment I had about myself, he had a reply.  I was not judged, looked down upon, etc.  I was allowed to grieve.  I left feeling I was worth more than I had in a long time. 

I can tell you more if you are interested.  Here is the website (different than Project Rachel)  http://www.rachelsvineyard.org

Post # 34
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

First of all, let me say that I am sorry for your loss and you are definitely not alone. I myself have not been in your shoes, however, I have worked through crises pregnancy centers with women who have and currently have my best friend (a male) grieving the loss of his child from an abortion this summer. Please, contact Rachel’s Vineyard. They are an incredible resource for healing for both men and women, all races, faiths, ages, etc. Both you and your Fiance can attend, which will be important for the two of you to work through together. 

Above all, pray, communicate, and continue to not be afraid to talk about this. The loss of a child (no matter the way) is a hard and emotional event. Call Rachel’s Vineyard, and know that I and others are praying for you and supporting you.

Post # 35
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I had an abortion in feb. of 08. You will never forget the choice. I hope you find peace and are open with your fiance about it. I know that my partner has made regrets I have held on for years disapear just by me telling him everything and allowing me to realize those were events and situations that happened and only I am allowing them to continue to excist. The abortion does not define who you are. It is still hard for me sometimes, but you will have your hands full one day and just be greatful you had a choice then and are healthy now. I just hope you find peace of mind.

Post # 36
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

So sorry you are grieving BUT I absolutely believe you can find healing through one of the avenues the other Bees mentioned.

I just want to tell you I have a close friend who chose abortion because her marriage was abusive and she did not want to bring a child into that. She, like you, felt tremendous guilt. However, she found the strength to leave her marriage and grieved the loss of the pregnancy. Now she and her new (loving and wonderful!) husband recently they found out they are expecting their first baby together.

You will find your way again! You and your husband deserve all the happiness in the world, including the happiness that a baby (and more babies!) will bring. I wish you peace and healing. {{{HUGS}}}.

Post # 37
Member
3683 posts
Sugar bee

http://www.standupgirl.com There are many young women who post there about their abortions. God bless you and I hope you are able to conceive in the future!

Post # 38
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Big hug to you!

I wanted to provide you with a secular support group. The group Exhale was created by woman who have also had abortions.

http://www.4exhale.org/

Post # 39
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

One more thing (sorry)…perhaps at times, try to remember that you had your abortion at that time so you could be a better parent for your future children. It sounds like you made the right decision at that certain point in your life. And note that one out of three women have had abortions; you are not alone.

Post # 40
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I have got to give you mad props for coming forward and expressing your feelings to us bees. I had an abortion when I was 18, and that is the first time I have “said” those words, typewritten or otherwise. It’s a hard pill for me to swallow, and I just can’t say it out loud. The years following were horrible for me, I hated Mother’s DAy I resented my then-boyfriend, the list goes on. I lied and told my whole family and circle of friends that I had a miscarriage, truth was I was in no position at all to have a baby. Then when I was 20 I became pregnant again and had a beautiful baby boy, he literally saved my life! I was going down a bad road at the time, but he made me turn around. I believe you need to talk to an OB/GYN and she can help put to rest all your worries and anxieties. It sounds like you are so so guilt-ridden and you just need to hear some clear facts to put your mind at ease. I went on to have another baby, girl this time, last November. Nowadays, when the guilt comes creeping in about my previous abortion I look at my son and daugher and feel less guilty because if I would have had the first baby, I definetly wouldn’t have the two that I have now. So it’s a little bit bittersweet.

Post # 43
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

Dont’ worry you will have to many kids!!!

Belive it…I know somebody who has 2 when she was a teen her and another woman 3  abortions when she was in her 20’…..and now they are mothers!!!

Try to focus in your wedding…and somenthing else, get over!!! people make mistakes in this life and God has already forgive you!!!

 

 

Post # 44
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Hey! First, I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. ((Hugs))

One of my roommates/closest friends had an abortion. While I have never personally experienced it, I went with her for support. She experienced much of what you are feeling. She started feeling worse, not  better, over time. She wouldn’t get counseling. Until I saw this thread, I had never heard of Project Rachel- maybe it’s something you can look into and perhaps benefit from.

I want you to know that my friend is now married and has two healthy, beautiful daughters. She had the first one in her early 20’s and the second one when she was 31. Both pregnancies and deliveries were normal.

I think you’re going to be fine. I wish you all the best, and good luck with your wedding. πŸ™‚

Post # 45
Member
6610 posts
Bee Keeper

Hi Sasha. Like everyone else has said, I am so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. But I really do believe there is hope for you getting past this and being able to enjoy your married and family life.

The only perspective I can give is from one of my closest friends, who went to counseling for about two years after her abortion. It helped her tremendously, and she’s now able to look forward to the future rather than dreading it.

I know it’s easier said than done, but try to focus on the amazing positive things that are happening in your life right now. Going to counseling and talking to a doctor can help with the psychological and physical concerns.

Best wishes. We’re always here for you!

Post # 46
Member
1206 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t have much to add but Good Luck with the wedding and everything!! πŸ™‚

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