Post # 1
So I’m having a bit of an issue. I’ve had a few friends since highschool but we drifted apart due to 1 friend always pulling the others into what she wants and leaving me stood up. Over hte past 3 years I’ve only been invited to events if they needed an extra person to get a discount or they wanted me to pay for something.
I decided after our last attempt at a get to gether that I would simply write them off, they haven’t been good friends by any standards. The 1 friend is getting married this June, I always knew that as it was myself and my ex Fiance (best man) that set them up to begin with. But after my decision last March to not keep contact/be friends I assumed I wasn’t going to be invited anyways (we really have not spoken since St Patrick’s Day last year.
Well she’s now requested my address for her wedding list…
I have no intention of inviting her to my wedding, and none of the friends from that circle will be invited either — despite my large guestlist (250) I have only about 4-5 friends invited.
Should I provide my address and then simply decline the invite? Or should I not bother to send my address? I’m confused what I should do…. Should I maybe take this as an inclination they want to be friends again and provide the address and make up my mind later?
Post # 3
@Elky: Well, it depends how you want to do it. You can just simply not respond. OR you can respond, make her waste and invite on you just for you to decline (a good F’ you) and not send a gift either.
It’s up to you how IN YOUR FACE you want it to be LOL
Post # 4
I would provide your address as she requested. You can formally decline the invite later, but I think it would be rude to not give it to her now.
Post # 5
This is a toughie…
You could not provide your address… but then taking that action would appear rude.
And there is a good chance in this day and age, that they’ll not take the “subtle hint”… but rather make a concerted effort to chase you down… or post something on the Internet about it (anyone know where ELKY lives ?)
Which BOTH cases will put you in an awkward sitution… ya really don’t want to or need to explain yourself to anyone
On the otherhand, you could provide your address. And when the Invite comes just decline (no reason need be given)
And then when your Wedding rolls around, you just proceed as however you see fit… invite them or not.
This option at least leaves the door open to seeing if anyone in this group’s behavior matures in the interim
Personally, I’d probably do the latter… send off my contact info… and make up my mind between now and the required RSVP Deadline
I mean if you were part of the reason this couple got together to begin with there “is a chance” that she’ll step up to the plate and be a better friend to reflect that appreciation…
Honestly, it is all up to her isn’t it
You may as well take the high road here, and see what transpires… leaving that door open. Then it is up to her if she walks thru it or slams it shut.
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
Coming from someone who spent a lot of time and energy hunting down addresses, I would suggest either just giving her your address (if there’s a piece of you considering wanting to go) or, at least, reply back that you won’t be so she can stop trying to track you down.
Post # 8
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
This is easy. You wrote this person off as a friend a year ago. Do you ever see yourself being their friend ever again? If the answer is no then I say ignore the contact and if she re-contacts you, ignore, ignore, ignore. The best and most polite answer to someone you are de-friending is to ignore them and wait for them to get the point. http://www.wikihow.com/Politely-Stop-Being-Friends-With-Someone
This will only work if this person cannot make trouble for you in other relationships.
Post # 9
@beachbride1216: +1 or send her an email an explain your feeling about the friendship and let her know you do not want to have contact
Post # 10
I’d just go the least rude route possible.
I’d reply with my address for her records and explain that I won’t be able to attend her wedding that day. Then I’d wish her luck/fair weather on her wedding day and a happy marriage.
It will be up to her if she still wants to send the invitation and you don’t have any hard feelings.
Post # 12
@Elky: Should I provide my address and then simply decline the invite?
Yes, this exactly. This is the easiest and has the lowest risk of drama. If you ignore, or even worse tell them that you don’t want to give your address because you wrote them off a year ago, you’d just be stirring stuff up.
It sounds like this came out of the blue, I bet if you decline (don’t even give a reason) they will continue with the non-contact.
Post # 13
@Elky: Provide your address, decline on the RSVP when you get the invite. This will avoid drama of just ignoring or telling her not to waste her time sending an invite because your not going anyways.
Post # 14
If you want to avoid drama just give her the address and then decline. You don’t have to feel obligated to invite her either. There are people who invited me to their weddings who I’ve long since fell out of touch with. I think they would faint if they got an invite from me at this point. If you don’t provide an address however it will just be annoying planning-wise for her and no sense for that.
Post # 15
@BeachBride2014 YES! I would do this OP, that way she knows you wish her well and cannot attend so then it’s up to her to not waste an invite.
Post # 16
@Elky: Give her your address. Wait for the invite. Politely decline that invitation… and any invitations (to weddings, birthdays, bar nights, what-have-you) until they get the f’ing hint :oP