(Closed) My affair is putting a damper on my wedding. (Venting/Confession/Advice)

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Cut off all contact. Defriend on Facebook, stop looking at pictures, delete from phone etc if you have not already done it.

That start saying a mantra to yourself in the mirror. List 3 things you love about your Darling Husband and remind yourself what you are going to do to keep this current relationship together and what you are going to do to focus on you two together.

Everytime you start to think the “bad thoughts” repeat the above mantra to yourself. Its kind of like training yourself to have the right thoughts. With the right thoughts come the right actions. 

You can do it.

Post # 4
Member
2515 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@Catwoman19:  i would suggest talking to a therapist. they can help you work through these feelings of needing to compare to her. 

Post # 6
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

is this for real?  Of course you have to tell her.  I’m sure your “lover” was soooo faithful to you and only cheated on her with you right?  She has the same rights as your husband, you should tell her, at least she will have the info to look for in the future.  Have you gotten STD testing?  I mean shouldn’t she have the right to know she also should get STD testing?

Post # 7
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Honestly I dont think its your place to tell her. You resolved things with the only person that mattters, your husband. Move on, their life should not affect yours.

Post # 8
Member
3053 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@Happymrs616:  I kind of agree.

It’s not going to do any good to tell her because she won’t believe you. FOR YOU, the best thing you can do is just focus on moving on & not thinking about it and focus on you & Darling Husband. I do think that Rachel deserves to know her husband is a cheater but it’s EXTREMELY likely he’s still cheating, has cheated with not just you, will cheat again…you weren’t an exception. He will get caught or someone else will tell her and it will be an issue that’s more in the present & not the past.

Post # 9
Member
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Chances are pretty good that she already knows something.  Whether she’s ready to admit it or not is a different question.  Worry about your own relationship and forget about them.  It’s the least you can do for your husband.

Post # 11
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Catwoman19:  It’s not your place to tell her. Yes she deserves to know the truth, but she knows nothing about you and you telling her will do nothing to help her, it will only ease your guilt. Her scumbag husband will spin some story and she will believe him over you unless he’s currently cheating and she already suspects it. Stop compairing yourself to this woman, and focus on your husband and your marriage. If you can’t do that on your own, then seek help to accomplish this.

Post # 12
Member
6355 posts
Bee Keeper

I suggest seeing a marital therapist to help resolve these issues. I’m not sure you need to bring your Fiance… you can just go yourself.

Post # 13
Member
8169 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Catwoman19:  I would want to know. Woman to woman, I would want you to tell me. She might not believe you, but why does that matter? At least she will have been warned. She can either ignore it and hide her head in the sand, or she can start paying closer attention to his behavior and decide for herself what it means. Maybe she has thought something was going on, but felt guilty for being suspicious, or maybe he convinced her she’s crazy. You could give her the confidence and assurance she needs to take care of herself. And if she doesn’t believe it and just hates you, who cares? You don’t know her, so it won’t affect your life, and at least you will know you tried. 

Post # 14
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

i wouldnt tell her… chances are she wont believe you…

Post # 15
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee

This is between her and her husband.  It is none of your business, and even if you were still shagging him on the side, it is still none of your business.

I do not believe that you have this desire for alturistic reasons. I suspect that your affair has caused you great pain (even if you appear to be well on your way to repairing your marriage and moving on), and you have resentment that your partner in that pain has gotten off scot free.  What he told you about her is irrelevant.  How do you know he wasn’t lying or just telling you what he thought you would want to hear?

Stop looking at pictures of her, them and their wedding and move on with your own life.

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