Post # 1
I have been married for almost a year. I’ve always been an anxious person but have started therapy for it and for BInge Eating Disorder over the last several months.
While therapy is helping me (slowly) I get so much anxiety before going to things with my in laws. I will compare myself to other people there and think that they are all better than me. I think that they don’t like me because I am a more quiet person and they will think I am boring/weird for not talking enough. My Mother-In-Law has made comments about me being quiet on so many occasions, even though she is very nice to me. She also makes comments on how little/much I eat. I am not overweight. I am definitely not thin but I’m at a healthy weight and am very active. I often eat a lot less than normal around them because I’m not comfortable.
Like I was supposed to go swimming /boating with them over the weekend and I said I would go but then the night before I got SO anxious that I changed my mind last minute and didn’t go. I feel so bad and it’s very unlike me to be flaky like that but honestly if I went I would’ve been so anxious that I wouldn’t be that pleasant to be around. I feel like this befor ANY get together with them lately.
I feel sobbad because I’m letting my husband down , but I really really dislike my appearance right now especially in a bathing suit or shorts.
Part of my recovery from my eating issues is NOT dieting/restricting foods (my dietician’s advice). I’ve gained a little weight over the last several months so I don’t want them to see me. I know this is ridiculous but I have social anxiety and have trouble acting like myself in groups so disliking how I look just makes it way worse.
Does anyone else get anxiety around in laws and not act like yourself? Any tips? They are really nice people and I know I’m getting in my own way but don’t know how to stop.
Post # 2
Yes, I do.
I try to do things that I like with them and if I don’t like it, i don’t go. I promised myself I would stop doing things I really don’t like anymore (life is too short). Every once in awhile I will give in and go to the things to save face lol
The other thing that has helped me is not committing to everything. If I instantly want to say ‘no’ then I will say ‘no’. Better to say no then back out later. OR Ill say, ‘let me think about it’ and Ill mull it over for awhile ‘do I really want to do this activitiy or am I just doing it to appease people?’ If the answer is ‘to appease people’, I don’t go.
I try to suggest doing things that everyone likes OR give myself an escape plan. ‘We can go to your sisters house for lunch, but I need to be home by 4 to do X’. ‘We can meet for dinner, but I don’t want to stay overnight’ I don’t make plans on Sundays that require extensive travel. I find it makes me more anxious being in the car longer before getting the said activity and by the time we get there I don’t want to do it anymore.
I also like to stay at hotels when visiting relatives so I don’t feel trapped at their house.
I hope that helps, sorry if it doesn’t. Hang in there Bee, glad you’re getting help!!
Post # 3
Thank you!! This is really helpful. I tend to be a “people pleaser” so your point to saying yes to stuff you actually want to do is a really good one for me to remember. I don’t usually say no to stuff and in the past have to force myself to go sometimes.
Post # 4
yeah, it’s a little tough at first but once you get used to saying no to things you don’t really want to do, it’s really nice!
I was a people pleaser too and always just ended up being miserable so I don’t want to be miserable anymore hehe
Post # 5
i used to in your place bee. there were countless times where i cancelled my plans with my friends together with my fiance. this happened when i did suffer from eating disorder too, and as a result, many of them won’t bother to ask me out anymore and it hurts. which is then i told myself that i need to love myself in any state my body is. it was hard at first, when you hardly accepting yourself, and at the same time, revealing your unaccepted self to others. but now, i feel better after accepting myself. it takes time bee, really. but it all starts from you and you yourself 😉
Post # 6
Tell your in-laws (they are really nice people) about how you feel about food and events, with the help of your husband. They might or might not understand what it is like to have anxiety or an eating disorder but they may well be able to help create a more comfortable environment for you.
Make sure that you have (or continue with) treatment for your anxiety and eating disorder, and do your best to comply with it.
Post # 7
If your fiancé knows how you feel and what you’re constantly battling in your head, he absolutely needs to talk to his family, particularly his mom who repeatedly makes comments about your eating. That is rude, pushy, her thoughts don’t mean shit about you. He needs to talk to her. I would immediately talk to my family if they were doing something that made me, or my fiancé, uncomfortable.