My anxiety and eating disorder are affecting my new marriage

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Yes, I do. 

I try to do things that I like with them and if I don’t like it, i don’t go. I promised myself I would stop doing things I really don’t like anymore (life is too short). Every once in awhile I will give in and go to the things to save face lol 

The other thing that has helped me is not committing to everything. If I instantly want to say ‘no’ then I will say ‘no’. Better to say no then back out later. OR Ill say, ‘let me think about it’ and Ill mull it over for awhile ‘do I really want to do this activitiy or am I just doing it to appease people?’ If the answer is ‘to appease people’, I don’t go. 

I try to suggest doing things that everyone likes OR give myself an escape plan. ‘We can go to your sisters house for lunch, but I need to be home by 4 to do X’. ‘We can meet for dinner, but I don’t want to stay overnight’ I don’t make plans on Sundays that require extensive travel. I find it makes me more anxious being in the car longer before getting the said activity and by the time we get there I don’t want to do it anymore. 

I also like to stay at hotels when visiting relatives so I don’t feel trapped at their house. 

I hope that helps, sorry if it doesn’t. Hang in there Bee, glad you’re getting help!! 

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

View original reply
monkey84 :  yeah, it’s a little tough at first but once you get used to saying no to things you don’t really want to do, it’s really nice! 

I was a people pleaser too and always just ended up being miserable so I don’t want to be miserable anymore hehe

Post # 5
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2020

i used to in your place bee. there were countless times where i cancelled my plans with my friends together with my fiance. this happened when i did suffer from eating disorder too, and as a result, many of them won’t bother to ask me out anymore and it hurts. which is then i told myself that i need to love myself in any state my body is. it was hard at first, when you hardly accepting yourself, and at the same time, revealing your unaccepted self to others. but now, i feel better after accepting myself. it takes time bee, really. but it all starts from you and you yourself 😉

Post # 6
Member
3109 posts
Sugar bee

Avoid avoidance.

Tell your in-laws (they are really nice people) about how you feel about food and events, with the help of your husband. They might or might not understand what it is like to have anxiety or an eating disorder but they may well be able to help create a more comfortable environment for you.

Make sure that you have (or continue with) treatment for your anxiety and eating disorder, and do your best to comply with it.

Post # 7
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

If your fiancé knows how you feel and what you’re constantly battling in your head, he absolutely needs to talk to his family, particularly his mom who repeatedly makes comments about your eating. That is rude, pushy, her thoughts don’t mean shit about you. He needs to talk to her. I would immediately talk to my family if they were doing something that made me, or my fiancé, uncomfortable. 

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