Post # 1
Ladies, I’m sorry to anyone I offended with my previous post. My curiosity rose from seeing many people around me, including my mother, go through second weddings. It was not born out of any malice. My post, though perhaps ill phrased, was really aimed at getting a survey of what encore brides were feeling and why exactly they were chosing–if they were chosing–to have a second white wedding. I also mentioned that I thought a celebration of giving it your all once more, having a never-married husband, setting an example for your kids, and other reasons people posted made a lot of sense. All of these were things I wrote in the previous post but no one read.
Post # 3
No offense taken, especially since I have been married THREE times! I wore royal purple for my second wedding and champagne for my third!
Post # 4
People have a habit of jumping on someone who posts something they disagree with, whether they’ve read the whole post or read it correctly. or not.
You asked an honest question.
Just because someone has a different point of view, or asks a question (however it is phrased )does not make it offensive or rude.
Don’t lose any sleep over the postings of strangers.
Post # 5
I wasn’t offended. My post was basically just going through the reasons why my second wedding felt like such a huge celebration, even though it was not my first.
Also, from my perspective, it is normal (and probably even a good thing) for first-time brides to have a certain amount of emotional, even if not intellectual, negativity toward encores. After all, you would like to believe that if you just try enough/care enough/do the right things, your marriage will last. Your own marriage is probably strengthened by that attitude. So hearing that some women have tried and cared and done all the right things, but still ended up divorced, is just not something a first time bride really wants to hear.
Post # 6
@julies1949: Haha! YES!
@babymilka74: I’m really sorry people felt the need to jump down your throat. I’m not an encore bride, but I felt you were simply asking a question. Even if it was poorly phrased, it’s sad that people can’t ask questions w/out getting ripped on.
ETA: I found it funny that the majority of those that were pissed off aren’t even encore brides themselves. Kudos to the encore brides who answered OP’s question w/out being snarky.
Post # 7
I was surprised by how you phrased thing but forgot about it like ten seconds after I posted. I read your second post but still thought you may have went in with a little bit of a negative attitude towards encore brides.
That being said, you can scroll through the boards and find out quickly everybody is offended by something, and everybody likes to debate! I wouldn’t worry about it at all. Its nice of you to apologize!
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2011 - Vandiver Inn
I’m an encore bride twice over and I didn’t find it offensive. However, it’s really sweet of you to take the time to smooth things over.
Don’t sweat it, ok? Sometimes our fingers move faster than our brains do. It was obvious from the tone of your post that you weren’t actually poking at people maliciously. At least I thought so. If you knew how many times I’d picked the wrong word at the wrong time… well, you’d know why I understand. 😉
No harm, no foul. 🙂
Post # 9
Everyone is entitled to their opinion and even out of curiosity, weddings are a personal reflection of the couple. There is no reason to question anyone’s decisions that are made to plan their own weddings.
Please also remember that in many cultures white is not the color brides wear. Also white signifies virginity and I bet if you took a poll, most brides are not virgins when they marry. Although let me stress, that is not anyone’s business but their own and once again, who are we to question their decision.
I am all for dialogue and difference of opinion, but your curiosity resulted in many hurt feelings. Do you have your answer or just a long list of bees that felt the need to defend themselves.
I’m glad that you felt compelled to apologize, but it would not have been neessary if you had taken other persons’ feelings into consideration.
Enough said and I accept your apology. I do hope that with that apology comes sincere well wishes for a wonderul marriage. I do hope that you and your husband are happy and you will never have to experience the pain many women on this board have had to endure from the breakup of a previous marriage.
Trust and believe that after having endured the break up of your marriage for whatever reason, to find love again is a blessing that no one should ever question.
God bless you and thank you for my opportunity to respond.
Post # 10
Sorry, Sweets. You are probably going to be feeling stings from that one for a long time still. I personally wasn’t bc of my own self esteem, takes a lot more than that to make me feel ill about what I’m doing (encore bride getting married to encore groom and we BOTH want this wedding). But I can see how someone else might be. Every one of us is entitled to our opinions, our views, whether we get offended or whether we don’t. You have the right to ask anyone anything at anytime, just be prepared for what they have to say bc they have the right to answer you (shoulder shrugs).
Post # 11
@DeaconBride: I understand that weddings are personal but this is a voluntary sharing community so I don’t think that asking about them is out of the question.
Post # 12
Thank you ladies for your support!
Post # 13
@babymilka74: Im not an encore bride but i saw your post and was offended by how many people were so rude to you….it was an innocent question and i wonder the same thing sometimes to (my grandmother got remarried and for her second wedding she got rid of all the “fluff” and stuck with vows and family as she had done the “whole shebang” before…) Im sure thats all you were asking but weddingbee is pretty awful for bringing you down when you ask about something thats “against the grain”
Post # 14
I saw your post as well and was pretty appalled by how so many people jumped on you. It seems like you just had an honest question and didn’t mean to offend anyone. You even went out of your way to create an apology board…kudos to you for taking the high road 🙂 You apologized and didn’t mean any harm so don’t let it get to you. It’s unfortunate that people were offended but you didn’t mean any harm.
Post # 15
I don’t think anyone was rude. She just got what she asked for. Anytime you go into a section made for a certain demographic and then start a post, “I don’t mean to offend…” you are most likely going to piss someone off. Asking why encore brides are even doing it again and posting divorce stats for encore brides in the encore bride section is going to cause drama. Just like when someone comes and asks what’s the point of the waiting boards. You are going to piss a lot of people off. And that goes for anyone. People would jump on a religious person if they went into the LBGT section and posted a question basically calling same sex marriage pointless because God doesn’t like it. Or going into to secular section and asking what’s the point if they don’t even believe in God. Or going into the full figured section and asking why brides complain about higher prices for plus size gowns when they could just lose weight. It’s all uncalled for. But you apologized so it’s all good. I would stay away from posting anything that has to have a disclaimer “I don’t mean to offend”
Post # 16
I read through that post. It defintely got a little nuts over there. I think it was obvious that you were trying to word it politely, especially after a few people were upset. To me, reading through your post, it seemed innocent enough. I suppose in your case curiousity killed the cat. =[
I’ve been guilty of being a little too upst over what people have posted, so I know that when you first respond, it may come off a bit more rude than you’d like later. But I wish I had seen a few more, “Your post upsets me and here’s why,” than, “This posts sucks.”
It’s nice that you had the guts to apologize.