my aunt is an asshole

posted 7 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anononofmybusiness :  You have a right to your privacy. But you also need to have compassion and understanding for another human being who was abandoned by your (and her) father. 

From your post it seems as though you struggle with calm, effective, considerate communication. When your aunt says she found her a calm, “If you’d like to have a relationship with her then, great, I however, am not in the place to welcome her as part of the family” And if she friended you on FB a polite, “I ask that you please respect my privacy. I do not wish to have a relationship with you” would suffice.

I don’t know what it’s like to have a dysfunctional family, but I can honestly not imagine casting away a person who is looking for a connection to a family they never met due to no fault of their own. I’d at least meet for coffee but that’s just me. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But you need to communicate it clearly and calmly.

Post # 3
Member
564 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

If you change your name on Facebook, you will still appear in searches for your previous name. And honestly, I feel sorry for your half-sister, stuck between you and your aunt behaving badly.

Post # 4
Member
4422 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

anononofmybusiness :  look you’re aunt should have been respectful of your stance on not wanting to meet your half sister but your aunt has every right to desire a relationship with this woman because at the end of the day she is equally her niece in the same way you are.

TBH I think you guys as a family are taking out the sins of the father on an innocent person in all of this. This girl is obviously looking for a connection and a missing piece of the puzzle in her life. I can understand your feelings but I’d more likely to show a bit of compassion for someone who has no choice into how and what they were born into. You have an absent father too but you were fortunate enough by the sounds of it to have a family surround you. This girl obviously doesn’t have that is maybe looking for that connection. You might not want to acknowledge her but the fact of the matter she still exists….

 

Post # 5
Member
4967 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

This “love child” is a human being. Someone who was also abandoned by your father.

Your post is completely wrapped up in yourself. It’s fine that you don’t want to have a relationship with her, but you have zero empathy or compassion for this person, who is being abandoned by her family AGAIN because they want nothing to do with her.

That’s really gross. I’m sorry, but I feel for her in this 

And just don’t accept the friend request. Seriously. What is with the drama in all of this?

I come from dysfunction, and I had to learn how to not continue that drama. Sounds like you might need to do some healing so you can move past what you’ve been through 

Post # 7
Member
3339 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It just sounds like she is trying to be nice to her niece. I understand that you have a bad relationship with your family and don’t want to add another person into the mix. I completely relate. But I do wish you would give your sister a chance – it isn’t her fault that you both have a crappy dad. 

It’s your decision, though. Tell your sister you are sorry but you just aren’t in a place to form that relationship right now. And tell your aunt the same thing.

Post # 8
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I am your half sister. I found out when I was 19 that my mom and dad were not my biological parents. My bio mom had an affair and got pregnant with me. She was married to my brothers father, he was married to someone else and didn’t want to have anything to do with me. When my bio mom’s sister, my aunt, reached out to me it was the most amazing feeling. The anger, resistment, and lack of trust I felt for my parents, both adopted and bio, was all consuming. Once I got to know her, I was introduced to my brothers who were thrilled to meet me. It’s not MY fault they had an affair. I really feel sorry for your half sister, it’s not her fault your dad had a “love child” and it’s not her fault your aunt is annoying to you and your family. Actually, she’s better off not knowing your family if that’s how y’all are going to treat her. 

Post # 10
Member
2130 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anononofmybusiness :  I’d seriously just send the same bland/non-emotive response every single time. Repetition and neutrality are powerful. I’m sorry you are going through this. I really must be very challenging to be in this situation with your family.

Post # 11
Member
5920 posts
Bee Keeper

Ehh OP I’m on your side. My dad was a deadbeat and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were several “love children” out there. Not my problem. I don’t talk to my Dad, I don’t want to talk to any randoms he may have fathered. Just because we share DNA doesn’t mean I owe them anything. 

I think it’s great that your aunt wants to/does maintain a relationship with her. She is being wildly inappropriate by pushing this person on the rest of the family. 

Post # 13
Member
2220 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

 Ouch. This poor girl.

 

Nonetheless, if no one besides the aunt is interested in getting to know this poor woman, then the aunt is doing no one- least of all this woman- any favors by insisting that she be thrust into a most unwelcoming fold. Aunt should get to know her bio niece on a one on one basis and not insist on dragging her along to a venue where no one wants her there.

 

(If it is a fact that everyone but aunt feels the way OP does).

 

I can’t imagine being invited to meet my extended family and having it made clear that all but one person didn’t want me there. How awkward and sad.

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