Post # 1
My aunt is an asshole. I just want to start with that. What do I do here?! I come from an extremely screwed up family. My parents are not in my life in any way shape or form. I have not seen them in years. But my fathers side Is pretty close. No one talks to my dad at all. Hes the black sheep of the family. Well we all have that one family member who just never knows their place and my aunt is that for all of us. She is just constantly coming out the wood work with these extended relatives that no one has ever heard of or cares about and then just starts inviting them to our family events and acts like we all have to get to know that person. Its very annoying for all of us. Well, my dad had a love child who is pretty much the same age as me (mid 30s). We all knew about it, but no one knows this girl or has any interest in knowing her. My dad isnt a part of our family at all and at this point, we are all old enough to kind of move on from that whole thing. No offense to this woman but none of us want to be involved. Well, a few months ago I get a text from my aunt saying “I found this girl, shes my niece, your sister, and shes family so we have to deal with it”….ummmmmm no thanks. I told her it was highly inappropriate to bring this to my attention in this way and that I have no desire to meet this woman at all. The rest of the family agreed. About a month later we all scheduled a family dinner and I got a call from my grandmother stating that my aunt has invited this girl, knowing full well we didn’t want to meet her. Needless to say, it was a big blow up and she uninvited her. I asked my aunt to please stop. I don’t want to meet her. So heres my big issue. Today I get a friend request from that girl on facebook. I just got married and my name is now different. So how do you think she got my new name? My aunt!!! I have asked this woman repeatedly to not talk about me or give out my information to people and she just wont stop. What the hell do I do about this?! She wont listen to me!
Post # 2
anononofmybusiness : You have a right to your privacy. But you also need to have compassion and understanding for another human being who was abandoned by your (and her) father.
From your post it seems as though you struggle with calm, effective, considerate communication. When your aunt says she found her a calm, “If you’d like to have a relationship with her then, great, I however, am not in the place to welcome her as part of the family” And if she friended you on FB a polite, “I ask that you please respect my privacy. I do not wish to have a relationship with you” would suffice.
I don’t know what it’s like to have a dysfunctional family, but I can honestly not imagine casting away a person who is looking for a connection to a family they never met due to no fault of their own. I’d at least meet for coffee but that’s just me. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. But you need to communicate it clearly and calmly.
Post # 3
If you change your name on Facebook, you will still appear in searches for your previous name. And honestly, I feel sorry for your half-sister, stuck between you and your aunt behaving badly.
Post # 4
anononofmybusiness : look you’re aunt should have been respectful of your stance on not wanting to meet your half sister but your aunt has every right to desire a relationship with this woman because at the end of the day she is equally her niece in the same way you are.
TBH I think you guys as a family are taking out the sins of the father on an innocent person in all of this. This girl is obviously looking for a connection and a missing piece of the puzzle in her life. I can understand your feelings but I’d more likely to show a bit of compassion for someone who has no choice into how and what they were born into. You have an absent father too but you were fortunate enough by the sounds of it to have a family surround you. This girl obviously doesn’t have that is maybe looking for that connection. You might not want to acknowledge her but the fact of the matter she still exists….
Post # 5
This “love child” is a human being. Someone who was also abandoned by your father.
Your post is completely wrapped up in yourself. It’s fine that you don’t want to have a relationship with her, but you have zero empathy or compassion for this person, who is being abandoned by her family AGAIN because they want nothing to do with her.
That’s really gross. I’m sorry, but I feel for her in this
And just don’t accept the friend request. Seriously. What is with the drama in all of this?
I come from dysfunction, and I had to learn how to not continue that drama. Sounds like you might need to do some healing so you can move past what you’ve been through
Post # 6
somathemagical : i wrote that EXACT thing to my aunt. im not going to get into it here, but i can assure you i have communicated calmly and properly with my aunt numerous times on this matter. she just doesnt respect my wishes at all.
you are right in the fact that it is not this girls fault AT ALL and i have nothing against her. shes a victim in this situation but that does not change the fact that i am not ready/willing to meet with her at all. it is a very personal choice that i am making for myself and my sanity.
glitterati : i am not acting immaturely. i have never spoken to this woman. thats the point. i have made myself clear in that i dont want to and that is my right. im an adult and im not willing/ready to do that.
Post # 7
It just sounds like she is trying to be nice to her niece. I understand that you have a bad relationship with your family and don’t want to add another person into the mix. I completely relate. But I do wish you would give your sister a chance – it isn’t her fault that you both have a crappy dad.
It’s your decision, though. Tell your sister you are sorry but you just aren’t in a place to form that relationship right now. And tell your aunt the same thing.
Post # 8
I am your half sister. I found out when I was 19 that my mom and dad were not my biological parents. My bio mom had an affair and got pregnant with me. She was married to my brothers father, he was married to someone else and didn’t want to have anything to do with me. When my bio mom’s sister, my aunt, reached out to me it was the most amazing feeling. The anger, resistment, and lack of trust I felt for my parents, both adopted and bio, was all consuming. Once I got to know her, I was introduced to my brothers who were thrilled to meet me. It’s not MY fault they had an affair. I really feel sorry for your half sister, it’s not her fault your dad had a “love child” and it’s not her fault your aunt is annoying to you and your family. Actually, she’s better off not knowing your family if that’s how y’all are going to treat her.
Post # 9
cmsgirl : Sansa85 : she is absolutely innocent in this. 100%. i told my aunt multiple times that if she wants a relationship with her, that is her business. just like it is MY business to not want a relationship with her. i just cannot mentally handle that. not right now at least. i think that my wishes should be respected in this matter
lovelyruby : encorebride41 :
Post # 10
anononofmybusiness : I’d seriously just send the same bland/non-emotive response every single time. Repetition and neutrality are powerful. I’m sorry you are going through this. I really must be very challenging to be in this situation with your family.
Post # 11
Ehh OP I’m on your side. My dad was a deadbeat and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were several “love children” out there. Not my problem. I don’t talk to my Dad, I don’t want to talk to any randoms he may have fathered. Just because we share DNA doesn’t mean I owe them anything.
I think it’s great that your aunt wants to/does maintain a relationship with her. She is being wildly inappropriate by pushing this person on the rest of the family.
Post # 12
i just want to add in that i dont want to NOT have a relationship with her because she was a “love child”. not at all. and im not at all annoyed with her because she isnt even the one that reached out in the first place, it was my aunt. and thats great for her. my annoyance is with my aunt literally pushing this girl onto me and trying to force me into a relationship im not ready for. its nothing to do with the girl. its me. im not emotionally ready to meet her or let her in. i just feel as though i should be respected in my wishes as an adult woman.
Post # 13
Ouch. This poor girl.
Nonetheless, if no one besides the aunt is interested in getting to know this poor woman, then the aunt is doing no one- least of all this woman- any favors by insisting that she be thrust into a most unwelcoming fold. Aunt should get to know her bio niece on a one on one basis and not insist on dragging her along to a venue where no one wants her there.
(If it is a fact that everyone but aunt feels the way OP does).
I can’t imagine being invited to meet my extended family and having it made clear that all but one person didn’t want me there. How awkward and sad.
Post # 14
jellybellynelly : fucking thank YOU! i iddnt mention before (prob should have) but he did father another kid who lives 3,000 miles away from me. found out when i was 23. and i DO have a relationship with her. i just cannot do it again. no way. and yes, i dont feel like i owe anything to anyone
Post # 15
anononofmybusiness : Why are you punishing your half-sister for your aunt’s nosiness?