my aunt is an asshole

posted 7 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 31
Member
1982 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I do hope your aunt hasn’t told this half sister that you have a relationship with another half sister. I know you can’t control what your aunt says but that would surely hurt her.

Post # 32
Member
4885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

anononofmybusiness :  bee, I’m only saying this because I’m still working through my own issues and my daughter is three: I suggest you start with a therapist before you begin a family. I’m only saying that because you would want to be as emotionally healthy as you can be before bringing little ones into your world.

This is said with love, no snark, no judgment. I hope you are able to find someone who you click with

Post # 33
Member
744 posts
Busy bee

I see both sides. No you don’t have to have a relationship with her if you don’t want to and your aunt needs to stop pushing it. On the other side, you don’t get to dictate where your aunt does and doesn’t invite this girl. You can leave or not go but your aunt can invite her wherever she wants.

Post # 34
Member
872 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

It sounds like a sad situation for everyone involved.

You are within your rights to decide who you want to have a relationship with as an adult. I feel really bad for your half-sister, but on the other hand, it probably is for the best that you don’t pursue a relationship with her now based on the tone of your posts. It sounds like there is a lot that needs to be resolved on your own first.

A PP asked if you would be willing to tell her kindly yourself and I really think that if you feel you are able to politely and compassionately explain why you cannot have a relationship right now, that would be the kinder thing to do than to just ignore her.

Post # 35
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

buzzerbeater :  True, but based on the OP’s account, everyone else at the dinner felt the way the OP did. So it was super assholish of the aunt to invite her niece, letting her think that this family wanted to meet her, when in fact the entire family had clearly indicated they’d rather leave it well alone. Even if the family had been willing and able to put on a polite face, I’d imagine the dinner would have been rather stilted and awkward.

 

I really feel for the niece/half sister, but the aunt is doing more harm than good trying to force her will on everyone.

Post # 36
Member
3486 posts
Sugar bee

Your kindness is overwhelming. Seriously, I see why your family is so screwed up. And your aunt isn’t the asshole in this story. 

Post # 39
Member
1005 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Your aunt’s actions (awful) are not an excuse for you to be ugly, unkind or less than graceful.

If you are not interested in a relationship, fine. But be nice.

Post # 40
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I find it sad that her whole extended family on her dads side doesn’t want anything do do with her. They accepted you, also their son/brother’s child, and you said you are around the same age. I understand if you don’t want a relationship but I find it sad that they are picking and choosing which niece / grandchild to be around and have a relationship with.

Post # 42
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

sunburn :  I disagree. The aunt told the extended family she wanted to bring her niece around. Per the OP, 100% of them told the aunt, we don’t want to do that. The aunt could have invited the niece out on her own, and gotten acquainted just the two of them. No one tried to stop that. But the aunt instead tells people, too bad, I am bringing her anyways. That created an awkward situation for everyone, and I doubt the niece would have even wanted to come had she known all but one person was opposed to her being there.

 

You can argue that the OP and the rest of the fam are being hurtful to not want to get to know her (I don’t agree with that, but the argument could still be made), but Aunt took a sad situation and made it much worse by trying to force the issue. And the niece is the one who was hurt by it.

Post # 45
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

Ah, that makes a lot more sense since they are the ones that raised you! I hope you manage to clear the air and manage to get past this awkward part!

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