Post # 137
- Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park
OK, to me the real issue here isn’t whether or not the OP did almost everything herself, or whether the aunt and cousins were properly thanked, or even whether someone in the family misread a statement posted on the internet and got offended (which is, remarkably, oh-so-common, as evidenced by this thread). The issue at hand is whether or not it is appropriate to issue a hot-headed reply. OP, there is nothing that will help you more in your personal and business relationships that learning to WAIT before hitting send on that email message, post, facebook reply, etc. If it helps, write the angry response but do not send it. Sleep on it, and if you still feel like it, get your message across. But before you do, as yourself once, “how can I see this from the other person’s perspective?” You might not be able to, but it’s good practice, anyway.
Post # 139
Thank you to everyone who actually read the post and commented. Whether you agreed with my actions (in regards to the post) or not is fine. Everyone is entitiled to their opinions and I stated that early on in the thread. My post wasn’t intended to rally people on my side. If I wanted that, I would’ve did what my aunt did and ran through the family looking for sympathy. Outside of this post, I haven’t spoken to anyone about it. So, it may in fact have come off harsh.
I posted this because I wanted people without faces to tell me what they thought (good or bad). It’s long because I gave you all the facts from beginning to end. I wanted you all to understand that outside of my wedding day, my aunt was NEVER around to end up being so opinionated. I didn’t care that people didn’t agree with me, that’s okay. However, what I do care about was those who went out of their way to take personal gabs. Some of you have been on this site for so long, you were able to word it without being “flagged.” My parenting skills have nothing to do with this post. Me being on facebook during my honeymoon had nothing to do with the post. But women will be women… Yes, I did call someone out of their name in a PM because she went above and beyond this post. No, it may not justify my actions to some and that’s also fine. But I didn’t come here to be insulted. Whether or not anyone thought this post came off the wrong way is a personal opinion. But at the end of the day, you all CHOSE to respond. You didn’t have to. It could’ve been bypassed it if you didn’t like it.
For those who really took out time to go on and on about me being inappropriate, you CHOSE to entertain it. What I did want (whether good or bad) was honest opinions concerning the TOPIC. Some of you thinks it’s not a big deal. But it is when you come from a small family. This one issue has basically divided my family because my aunt has skewed everything. I didn’t go to my family because I didn’t want people to feel they had to take sides. So, no, it’s not easy for me to forget just because I’m married now. I assumed everyone on this site was married. Drama comes along with EVERY wedding at some point. So, while I didn’t ask if anyone experiened it, most posters could relate and some even shared experiences and it’s what I wanted.
Everyone is entitled to feel the way they do. I didn’t join with the intent of offending anyone or being offended for that matter. So, I apologize to those offended by any of it.
It’s not easy starting a new life when you feel alone. I’m not the type of person that feels I no longer need my family because I now have one of my own. Who doesn’t want the support of their family?
Again, apologies to those who were subjected to this when it turned for the worst. Thanks to those who were TACTFULLY critical. To those with sound advice on how I could’ve handled it better, thank you. To those with sound advice on how to better approach situations (including these msg boards), thank you. To those who only criticized EVERYTHING with no basis or reasoning, no thank you.
Post # 141
Your last post was a very level-headed, fair post. Kudos! I think you’re learning already. 🙂
@everyone else: When I see that it’s someone’s first post, or that they’ve only posted a couple of times, I see that as a “Handle with care” sign. I’m often a little kinder and more careful with my words. Does that mean I’m all “rainbows and sunshine”? No. Does it mean I might sugar-coat things a little bit just so that the newbee feels welcomed and doesn’t immediately see these boards as a terrible place? Yep. I just think it’s good PR, I guess.
Post # 142
Thank you. I think there were several buttons that were pushed initially and I reacted. I’ve been holding this issue in in order to not cause further turmoil in my family. So, it’s been hard being so upset and not speaking about it. When I finally did (on this site) and felt I was being attacked, it made everything worse. I just wanted people to be objective based on the post.
Post # 143
I am sorry that you took my post as being an insult to you or your situation.
My comment was short and sweet but I did not mean for it to sound short in tone.
I don’t want you to leave this site thinking that we are all a bunch of *&^%. This site is very helpful and full of wonderful people. It is a great community, full of different opinions and helpful advice.
With that said, I hope that your situation gets better because I can understand how difficult it can be to be fighting with family.
I am always up for constructive criticism and agree with what tntrav44:
has said. I should have been a little more delicate with my words.
Post # 144
@tranquility: Thank you. Apologies to you for what I said, also. It was blown out of proportion.
Post # 145
Awww…I’m so proud of you bees! : ) See…sometimes you just have to walk away and cool down.
Post # 146
I don’t think you did anything wrong. Everyone doesn’t need their hand held during the wedding planning process and they should respect your wishes. The women seem to be catty. You did complete most of the work and took them to “thank you” dinners. What more could they want?
Post # 147
I hope this didn’t lower your chances of coming back – many of us around here are DIY brides and since you did so much of your wedding on your own I bet you have alot of great advice to offer!
Post # 148
Really? We hope OP will stick around in the future? We’re proud of her for attempting to justify her actions by claiming she “didn’t come here to be insulted” and calling that an apology?
Are we just going to forget about the fact that this person had multiple posts removed due to the blatant personal attacks and namecalling within them?
Which then led to this little gem:
…or did we forget about that too?
Oh but let’s be clear. OP did not come here to be “insulted.” And she doesn’t appreciate others “going out of their way” to make personal attacks, not to mention display any sort of a lack of “tact.” So you know what? Maybe we should all look at this with the utmost objectivity, “based on the post,” all the while ignoring the multiple policy violations and overall obnoxiously hostile lashings that occurred on OP’s behalf within it, and give her a great big pat on the back. After all, everyone is allowed their “personal opinion.”
Post # 150
Everyone, is it really necessary to drag this out any longer? As I’ve said before and will say again, we are all imperfect and all make mistakes in heated moments. While I would never have exhibited the behavior the OP did, I do understand that she was frustrated upon writing the original post and the many comments with rude or negative undertones that she received in return did not help the initial frustrations. As a human being, I can honestly say I would have been just as distressed and prone to “jumping-the-gun” as well.
To place blame on any one person for what has been posted throughout this thread is ludicrous, and to keep dragging the issue out further is just plain ridiculous. The OP made her apologies, and whether they were genuine or insincere is not up to us to judge. So, instead of prolonging this tired trend of bickering back and forth, because of scornful feelings toward one another, can’t we all just bury the hatchet, leave this thread, and move on to bigger and better things? Or, is that too much to ask?
Post # 151
I’ll take “responsibility” for this one. littlemissmango
posted at my suggestion, because even though neither one of us wanted to bump this thread, I totally agree with EVERYTHING she just posted, and quite honestly someone needed to put it out there. And me being on my iphone and also way too lazy to write that much gave her the encouragement to say what was surely on a lot of people’s minds.
Because really, smcopp89
, we aren’t talking about someone getting defensive in the face of people acting cattily towards her. People said what they thought, and a lot of it was plainly obvious from the original post. OP got downright nasty, slinging mud and names and even attacking Mango in a PM. Then she came on and tried to justify those actions. And somehow everything was forgotten…?
If you saw my first comment a little ways up this page, you’ll see that I was totally on the side of the OP until she began spitting out bile, and then saw everything for what it was, if you will.
This isn’t someone slipping up and maybe being a little too curt. I can look over that. I’ve done it myself. This is someone who behaved viciously and without reason.