(Closed) MY AUNT TURNED EVERYONE AGAINST ME AFTER MY WEDDING (DURING MY HONEYMOON)

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@PinkPinstripes: While she may not have posted until after the remarks were taken down, it still rings true the poster was prodded and the pasted comments were snarky, rude, not needed.

View original reply
@Anniebo: No, not just you. I have been on here for a VERY long time (2 different names for good reason) and I finally flagged the obvious bees that like to stir drama all day yesterday. Tired of this “mean girl mentatilty” and stupid drama. 

Post # 93
Member
1915 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@Anniebo: I was not being snarky to you, and that’s why you shouldn’t attempt to read tone into things on the internet. I pretty plainly stated things that were happening. I didn’t resort to yelling in caps or italics or unnecessary punctuation, yet you are saying that I was the insulting one, despite the really genuinely rude things she said to others. Also, I am not excusing everything that every bee said. I just don’t think it’s fair to give an OP some kind of protected status while ignoring her own bad behavior. And again, just because more than one person disagrees with her, it doesn’t make it “picking on.”

We’re probably not going to agree on this one, so I am bowing out of the thread.

Post # 94
Member
8246 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve read through the whole thread and seen nothing inappropriate or mean or picking on except in comments FROM the OP.

OP – While I agree that your aunt never should have tried to stir up drama from your FB post and that you did adequetly thank your cousin and sister for their help, you were still in the wrong by feeding in to the drama and continuing to make it an issue.  If you would have ignored your aunt’s FB post, the whole situation would have stopped.

You seem to be very stubborn (I am too) but a very important lesson for stubborn people is how to pick your battles.  Sometimes you have to step up, take the high road, and be the more mature person in a disagreement.  Otherwise, two stubborn people will continue to butt heads forever because neither will ever be willing to give in.  I think that is what you and your aunt and your sister and your cousin do.  Don’t feed the fire of their drama and you’ll be a much happy person.

Post # 95
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Anniebo: I agree completely. Not only did certain bees make unnecessary comments regarding the length of the original post, they also scolded PTarp001 for her “ungratefulness,” because they simply did not read the original post as carefully as they should have. Again, I will say, the facebook post made by the OP was not a bit misleading or demeaning to anyone. She simply stated that she did just about everything herself. Last time I checked, just about is not equivalent to all. It’s no wonder the OP felt attacked and took the initiative to defend herself. I would’ve done the same.

You stated that she was merely a distraught bride, not only getting picked on by her family, but by us, and I say us as a general reference, as well. These boards were composed on the basis of support in the wedding and marriage process, and to show rudeness, as some have, is simply un-bee-like.

View original reply
@lilmiss26: You are beyond wise! The tone we intend and how it is perceived are often quite different. I think we have all been prone to doing this at one time or another, whether it was on one of the boards or in other sectors of our lives. We are all imperfect, and thus we all make mistakes. I totally agree that the poster is distraught, and some comments made by other posters with negativity or a negative tone behind them are merely fuel being thrown on the fire. The poster has already been brought down by her family, she does not need the same irrationality from (us) bees. Though the OP’s reactions were not made in the best manner here on this thread, I cannot say I would have acted differently. Some comments made by posters on this thread to the original poster, whether they were meant to or not, sounded very rude and uncalled-for. This shouldn’t be. The world is cruel enough to begin with; therefore, we should not find cruelty in the places we hope to seek support.

Post # 96
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Amaryllis: Agreed.

When you only have written word to go from (without voice inflection, posture, facial cues, etc), your interpretation of the words will play to your internal biases.

Therefore if you you already feel vulnerable or “under attack” a blunt or sparsely written post will “feel” like an attack even if it is purely just a sparsely written post.

Writing something down takes more effort than just saying it. So people tend to be shorter in their responses. Just because a response is short in length does not mean the response is short in tone.

I’ve spent time on many different message boards and the one major thing I’ve learned is, if at first glance you think someone is being rude, short, snarky, etc try reading the post again from another point of view. Take the words with a grain of salt and try to see the other interpretations of the words rather than what you take away at first brush.

Post # 97
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011
Post # 98
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@KatNYC2011: Your advice is very helpful. We should all take the time to read posts more than once to grasp another point of view or tone the post may have been trying to convey. We are all prone to “jumping-the-gun,” but maybe by practicing what you do, we will be less prone to unnecessary skirmishes on the boards.

Post # 99
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Amaryllis: YES.

 

Give me a break, you guys. OP came on here with this drama-filled trolly story and people got real with her — what do you expect? No one was being remotely harsh until the tantrum ensued. And absolutely no one other than OP has “insulted” anyone else.

OP, you’re now a wife and a mother. It seems to me like you need to let go of some things here and focus on what’s important. This… should not have been a big enough issue in your life to create an account on a wedding site to write a novel-length vent about it (and subsequently harrass anyone who dare disagree with you). Give it some time, try to be the bigger person, and maybe work on prioritizing what you give your energy and attention to.

Post # 100
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I would feel very hurt if I helped in a wedding only to have the bride say “I did just about everything myself”. I wouldn’t have reacted as crazily as your aunt, but maybe she is a more sensitive person. Technically “just about everything” isn’t 100%, but it is very dismissive of the help you did get. Especially online. It may sound different from proud. It easily sounds hurtful. Just apologize for your words and

Post # 101
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Aaaand, I just received the following PM:

–>



GO TO HELL, BITCH!

Sent: 03/31/11 at 10:02:44 PM To littlemissmango

 

LOL.

Let’s please get rid of this troll before it gets any more ridiculous.

Post # 102
Member
8246 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

@littlemissmango: Apparently she thought taking personal attacks to PMs instead of posting straight to the thread would make her look better?!?

Sorry she’s taking it out on you when there were many of us who pointed out the errors in how the OP handled her situation and how she might better proceed with her relatives in the future.

Post # 103
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@littlemissmango: Well you better get headed there missy! She seems serious. Wink

 

Since when did honest opinions and constructive criticism become a bad thing?

 

View original reply
@smcopp89: Thanks! And ‘m definitely not anywhere near perfect. I have been known to “jump the gun” and “fly off the handle”. Usually less so on the boards because typing takes more effort. But I have said things I really wish I hadn’t both in my personal and internet lives.

Post # 104
Member
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

hehe

Post # 105
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Mrs.KMM: Thanks, yeah I think she’s just escalated herself to a point of no return and that maybe what I pointed out hit close to home, with the whole mother thing. Meh.

View original reply
@KatNYC2011: Lol! Yeah I better get to gettin’! Surprised Hahah.

Post # 106
Member
4831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@littlemissmango: What can you do really? Some people just want blind validation rather than objective opinions.

My view is if you want blind validation, you should write in a private journal. By putting something out publicly you are going to get public opinions.

The topic ‘MY AUNT TURNED EVERYONE AGAINST ME AFTER MY WEDDING (DURING MY HONEYMOON)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors