Post # 1
Both of my parents are dead. My dad died about 10 years ago and since then I have barely seen my uncles or aunts on that side of the family. I moved out of state 4 years ago since my mom died and since then I’ve only had contact with one aunt from that side of the family via Facebook.
Some of you might remember my prior thread about how the one aunt I stay in touch with made a comment in her email declining the invitation to my wedding that really hurt my feelings. She implied that I was intentionally excluding the family by having the wedding 230 miles away in my Fi’s hometown rather than back where I grew up ( even though my parents are dead and I have no ties to that area anymore except these relatives I never talk to and hardly know).
I just found out t hat apparently the source of my aunt’s anger is that I didn’t ask one of my uncles to walk me down the aisle. I am having my brother walk me down the aisle because he is the only living male in the family I AM close to. it never occurred to me to ask my uncles since I literally never talk to them and don’t feel close to them in any way even though we are technically family.
Is there some unwritten rule that if your father is dead you’re supposed to have an uncle walk you down the aisle even if you aren’t close to him? Is my aunt crazy?
I am tempted to cut this aunt out of my life over this. I hate hurting people’s feelings but I also hate how she is trying to make me feel bad about my wedding as if it weren’t enough that my parents aren’t alive for my wedding.
Post # 3
@saffy: no no rule. It should be someone you are close to and almost aguardian type figure in your life. Your brother is a perfect choice
Am having my grandfather as my dad passed away 15 years ago and my mom just left…
Post # 4
ugh. i remember your previous thread. I said it then and I’ll say it again: never speak to this cow again. You don’t need this. By all means tell her how you feel first, if you want. But I wouldnt bother.
Post # 5
I have never heard of that, it makes perfect sense to have your brother if you are close with him.
Post # 6
YOU get to decide whom to ask to walk you down the aisle. Maybe at some point in American history there were rules about this sort of thing, but we’re not at that point anymore. If you wanted to ask the guy who normally drives the bus you take to work in the mornings because you think he’s nice, then that would be perfectly okay, too. It’s your wedding and your walk down that aisle. WTF. I’m just so pissed for you that your aunt is being such a horrid bitch about this.
Post # 7
@saffy: No rule, one of my good friends had her step-father walk her down the aisle but half-way her brother (they have both the same parents) met her and gave her away. There was not a dry eye in the house. It makes mores sense for your brother to do it because he is the only other person who shared the same type of relationship with your parents. If these aunts and uncles can’t understand that then maybe you’re better off with them not participating in your wedding.
Post # 8
@saffy: Just when I thought I’d heard it all, I read another post about a friend or relative with crazy entitlement issues.
You can choose whoever you want to walk you down the aisle. It is a beautiful touch to have your brother walk you. Your brother is a perfect substitute because he is your father’s own flesh and blood. How any aunt or uncle could object to that, is truly mind boggling.
p.s. While I don’t think you should be bound by the “rule”, I think you’re following the rule anyway. I always thought it had to be someone who could represent the father, i.e. your father’s father, brother or son. So unless he is your father’s brother, no uncle is more suitable than your brother. But even if he is, your brother is at least as acceptable.
Post # 9
You can walk down the aisle by yourself, with your mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, auntie, god parent, friend…you get my point.
Her having hurt feelings and not coming to your wedding over this, is ridiculous IMO.
If you want to walk down the aisle with your brother, then you should do so. Do what makes you happy.
Post # 10
@saffy: I have just discovered that Emily Post’s 1922 book “Etiquette” is available online. In Chapter 22 verse 42 (yes it really is chapter and verse) it says:
“If she has no father, this part is taken by an uncle, a brother, a cousin, her guardian, or other close male connection of her family.”
So there you have it: by tradition, your brother is equally acceptable. So not only is your aunt’s attitude deplorable, she’s not in the right anyway.
Post # 11
@saffy: there is no rule on who you are suppose to ask. you can ask whoever you want, it doesn’t even have to be a relative or you can walk yourself.
my father passed away, so my mom is walking me down.
my brother thought he would walk be down. i asked him to be a bride’s attendant.
Post # 12
no rule and yes, she is crazy! you shouldn’t feel obligated to have anyone walk you down, if you wanted your brother to walk you, walk by yourself, or have your cat walk you down, it’s YOUR choice! she shouldn’t make you feel guilty in any way for choosing your brother who you are close with other some estranged uncle.
I think you made the right choice and if she can’t be happy for you and accept your choices, than boo on her and carry on, girl!
Post # 13
As a 3 time MOB I can’t understand WHY you WOULD ask your uncles! You are not close to them so why would you? I think your brother is a lovely, as well as logical, choice.
I remember your other thread and thought your aunt sounded very entitled and self-centered. I don’t know her and can only go by your post.
A question for you – is this aunt your father’s sister by chance? I have lost 2 brothers, both in 2006 and the void in my life is beyond words. You expect to lose parents and g’parents, but you don’t even think about losing your siblings. Do you think she is wanting you to ask one of the uncles because she is missing her brother?
I absolutely think your brother is a wonderful choice. One of my deceased brothers gave me away at my first wedding and it meant the world to me. I also think it takes no rocket science whatsoever to figure out why you aren’t getting married a couple of hundred miles from where you live – she was in crazy town on that one.
Please understand I’m not validating anything she is asking for or demanding, but I’m just wondering if her grief for her brother (if he was her brother) is peeking through here.
Post # 14
You can definitely do whatever you like! I think she’s being a bit crazy and causing you stress. My friend’s dad is dead and she had both her brothers walk her down. Another had her mom. I would definitely choose someone who you were closed to or walk yourself down.
Post # 15
@paula1248: I cannot believe there is actually a Post rule on this :-p Good find!
@saffy: She’s nuts for getting mad over that. That is an incredibly personal decision for you to make, and for *anyone* to try to involve themselves like that is beyond me.
My dad is deceased as well, and we (bride and groom) will be walking down the aisle together. My mother had the nerve to get an attitude about it when I told her, since apparently she had decided that was now HER role. Super insensitive.
Post # 16
- Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall
Cut ties with that aunt, jeeze. Don’t even let yourself get worked up about it, seriously just laugh at her. Because she’s not at all in the right and is completely dilusional – there’s no reason to be hurt by her. All you can really do is laugh!