(Closed) My aunt was acting bitchy because I didn't ask an uncle to give me away?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is a bride without a father supposed to be given away by an uncle even if they aren't close?
    Yes : (0 votes)
    No : (86 votes)
    100 %
  • Post # 3
    2650 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @saffy:  no no rule. It should be someone you are close to and almost aguardian type figure in your life. Your brother is a perfect choice


     Am having my grandfather as my dad passed away 15 years ago and my mom just left…

    Post # 4
    3072 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    ugh. i remember your previous thread. I said it then and I’ll say it again: never speak to this cow again. You don’t need this. By all means tell her how you feel first, if you want. But I wouldnt bother.

    Post # 5
    1082 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I have never heard of that, it makes perfect sense to have your brother if you are close with him.

    Post # 6
    2651 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    YOU get to decide whom to ask to walk you down the aisle. Maybe at some point in American history there were rules about this sort of thing, but we’re not at that point anymore. If you wanted to ask the guy who normally drives the bus you take to work in the mornings because you think he’s nice, then that would be perfectly okay, too. It’s your wedding and your walk down that aisle. WTF. I’m just so pissed for you that your aunt is being such a horrid bitch about this.


    Post # 7
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @saffy:  No rule, one of my good friends had her step-father walk her down the aisle but half-way her brother (they have both the same parents) met her and gave her away. There was not a dry eye in the house. It makes mores sense for your brother to do it because he is the only other person who shared the same type of relationship with your parents. If these aunts and uncles can’t understand that then maybe you’re better off with them not participating in your wedding.

    Post # 8
    7872 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @saffy:  Just when I thought I’d heard it all, I read another post about a friend or relative with crazy entitlement issues.

    You can choose whoever you want to walk you down the aisle. It is a beautiful touch to have your brother walk you. Your brother is a perfect substitute because he is your father’s own flesh and blood. How any aunt or uncle could object to that, is truly mind boggling.

    p.s. While I don’t think you should be bound by the “rule”, I think you’re following the rule anyway. I always thought it had to be someone who could represent the father, i.e. your father’s father, brother or son. So unless he is your father’s brother, no uncle is more suitable than your brother. But even if he is, your brother is at least as acceptable.

    Post # 9
    2269 posts
    Buzzing bee

    You can walk down the aisle by yourself, with your mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, auntie, god parent, friend…you get my point.

    Her having hurt feelings and not coming to your wedding over this, is ridiculous IMO.

    If you want to walk down the aisle with your brother, then you should do so. Do what makes you happy.

    Post # 10
    7872 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @saffy:  I have just discovered that Emily Post’s 1922 book “Etiquette” is available online. In Chapter 22 verse 42 (yes it really is chapter and verse) it says:

    If she has no father, this part is taken by an uncle, a brother, a cousin, her guardian, or other close male connection of her family.”


    So there you have it: by tradition, your brother is equally acceptable. So not only is your aunt’s attitude deplorable, she’s not in the right anyway.

    Post # 11
    8170 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @saffy:  there is no rule on who you are suppose to ask.  you can ask whoever you want, it doesn’t even have to be a relative or you can walk yourself.

    my father passed away, so my mom is walking me down.

    my brother thought he would walk be down.  i asked him to be a bride’s attendant.


    Post # 12
    723 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    no rule and yes, she is crazy! you shouldn’t feel obligated to have anyone walk you down, if you wanted your brother to walk you, walk by yourself, or have your cat walk you down, it’s YOUR choice! she shouldn’t make you feel guilty in any way for choosing your brother who you are close with other some estranged uncle.

    I think you made the right choice and if she can’t be happy for you and accept your choices, than boo on her and carry on, girl!

    Post # 13
    1814 posts
    Buzzing bee

    As a 3 time MOB I can’t understand WHY you WOULD ask your uncles!  You are not close to them so why would you?  I think your brother is a lovely, as well as logical, choice.

    I remember your other thread and thought your aunt sounded very entitled and self-centered.  I don’t know her and can only go by your post.

    A question for you – is this aunt your father’s sister by chance?  I have lost 2 brothers, both in 2006 and the void in my life is beyond words.  You expect to lose parents and g’parents, but you don’t even think about losing your siblings.  Do you think she is wanting you to ask one of the uncles because she is missing her brother?

    I absolutely think your brother is a wonderful choice.  One of my deceased brothers gave me away at my first wedding and it meant the world to me.  I also think it takes no rocket science whatsoever to figure out why you aren’t getting married a couple of hundred miles from where you live – she was in crazy town on that one.

    Please  understand I’m  not validating anything she is asking for or demanding, but I’m just wondering if her grief for her brother (if he was her brother) is peeking through here.

    Post # 14
    90 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    You can definitely do whatever you like! I think she’s being a bit crazy and causing you stress. My friend’s dad is dead and she had both her brothers walk her down. Another had her mom. I would definitely choose someone who you were closed to or walk yourself down. 

    Post # 15
    4525 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @paula1248:  I cannot believe there is actually a Post rule on this :-p Good find!

    @saffy:  She’s nuts for getting mad over that. That is an incredibly personal decision for you to make, and for *anyone* to try to involve themselves like that is beyond me.

    My dad is deceased as well, and we (bride and groom) will be walking down the aisle together.  My mother had the nerve to get an attitude about it when I told her, since apparently she had decided that was now HER role. Super insensitive.

    Post # 16
    1816 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

    Cut ties with that aunt, jeeze. Don’t even let yourself get worked up about it, seriously just laugh at her. Because she’s not at all in the right and is completely dilusional – there’s no reason to be hurt by her. All you can really do is laugh!

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