- 8 years ago
- Wedding: March 2007
This isnt about an awkward guest for my wedding… but rather, I am that guest.
I have a friend who i have known for a few years now. Her fiance and her have been great friends to my husband and I. They moved here from another part of the country and were the first real friends my husband and I made moving back to my hometown where we live now.
This friend has babysat my kid, invited me wedding dress shopping and showed me wedding info (location and such).
Anyway, they plan on getting married back home where they are from… and we planned on going. A few weeks ago, she asked me if my husband and I would be their witnesses in their civil ceremony they are having here where we live (their hometown wedding is summer of next year). Everything up until this point was fine… until a few days ago when I received an email from her saying that she may not have been very clear about her intentions/purpose of their civil ceremony.
She said that the civil ceremony was something she was going to do for her local friends so they would not feel obligated to travel to their actual wedding, apart from already negotiating w/ her parents over the guestlist (basically, we’re not invited to the ‘real’ wedding). Again, something I would have been on board for except we will be the only ones attending the civil ceremony and she said she wanted to treat us to dinner afterwards and it is the day after the civil ceremony she will be celebrating with the local folks over cocktails & cake.
I understand budgetary constraints, my husband and I paid for our destination wedding and primarily did it to limit the amount of guests we would have and then had a reception when we got home.
I also understand her wanting to include us, but it seems like our friendship means enough to them to ask us to be their witnesses, but not enough to be invited to their actual nuptuals.
She said she hoped I wouldnt be hurt, except I am. The more a mull over it, the more I question it and hope that I can find some answers among those currently in the thick of it and have been through it in the past especially since I had such a non-traditional wedding.
1. Do I say anything? I dont want to stress her out even more. I want to be there for her but feel like I’ve been put in a very awkward situation – I also dont want to make her feel forced to invite us to their actual wedding.
2. Do we bow out or offer to pay for the post-civil ceremony dinner? I feel its awkward for them to pay, and think if they are having cocktails next day we should just join them for that.
3. What do we do for a gift? If we end up treating them for dinner, is that okay? I know she registered but I’m not invited to the bridal shower (its also in their home town) and we wont be invited to the actual wedding.
I’ve spent the last few days wondering if I put more value on this friendship than I should have or if I’m over-reacting.
what do you think?