Post # 1
OK, so I never thought I would post a vent, but now I have to.
When I first got engaged and me and my girls (7 bridesmaids- 5 are local) were chatting and I said the one and only thing I want to do is go to New Hampshire for my bachelorette. I wanted to stay in a hut on the top of Mount Washington and then go to this fun hotel called Adventure Suites. It is the one place I wanted to take all of them, to show them where my heaven is. Where nothing else in the world matters.
So, throughout the whole process, I feel like I have been awesome. I told them they could each pick their own dress as long as it was floor length black satin and I could see it first. I told them to not spend alot on my shower and even told them to skip a gift if it ended up being too much money. I just felt bad about how much it costs to be in a wedding.
One of them is married with kids and struggling, the other just built a house and some are single. You know the deal. Times are tough, I get it. My wedding is more than $30,000 and I have been saving my butt off. I GET IT.
So, I just got a call from my Maid/Matron of Honor saying she had bad news. Two of them said they can’t afford to do New Hampshire. These are the two that only live 3 hours away from it. With all of the girls, it would be $100-$200 each for the entire weekend. And I told them I am paying for my own way. Now, if these two were strapped I would TOTALLY understand. But they are the two that have no kids, husbands or houses… and go out at least twice a week. I told them back in October and I see their Facebook pages full of party pics and one of their statuses recently said she was trying to figure out where to go away for a week off in May.
Without these two going, none of the rest of us can afford to go. So, basically I don’t get the one and only thing I wanted to do for my bachelorette. I don’t want to go to a bar- which we would end up spending more in anyway. I wanted to go to the one place that recharges me and I wanted to share that with them.
Am I being selfish? I seriously had tears in my eyes when I found out.
Post # 3
Aww! That stinks! Unfortunately, that’s the risk in relying on them, too. Perhaps you could call them and tell them they have until X to save, that it would mean SO much to you… but in the end, you can’t tell someone else how to spend their money.
Know anyone else that could go?
Post # 4
Aww, that is a crappy situation. I can’t believe they bailed on you! I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with LaborOfLove, is there anyone else who could go?
Post # 5
I always think that destination bachelorette parties are sort of unfair to force on the BMs. Yes, they might physically have the money to go, but they might not want to spend it on a weekend in New Hampshire. I know you’re trying to be considerate of other costs, but you might still be surprised by how much they’re spending total.
You said that the cost is $100-$200 for each of the two girls. If it means so much, can you just cover this difference so you and the others can still go?
Post # 6
Oh, that’s frustrating! And I just found out about the Adventure Suites myself. Kind of dying to take the kids up to Storybook Village and Santaland and stay in the tree house… But I digress… 🙂
I would definitely see if anyone else wants to come; OR postpone it until after the wedding as a fun girls’ weekend. That way, you could still all be together, and everyone would have more time to save.
My bachelorette party was pretty funny. My only attendant was my sister, who was broke and in college at the time; AND there was a huge storm, and pretty much all my friends at the time lived in Mass. Two friends drove up anyway, my mom picked up some Chinese take-out, and we all (me, two friends, sister, and mom) ate take-out and watched a movie. Honestly? It was fantastic. Totally low-key, everyone had a blast together, and I have great memories of it–that was the night my mom and sister really got to meet a couple of wonderful friends. So, even if it doesn’t work out the way you’d hoped, I’m sure you can come up with something fun; and definitely re-plan the trip up north with your friends and/or other folks. 🙂
Post # 7
That really stinks! I’m sorry. Do you have any other friends that you might like to go with you? I don’t think you’re being selfish, but I agree with LaborOfLove you can’t make them go. But you could try to talk to them and tell them just how much this would mean to you.
Post # 8
I don’t think you are being selfish at all. It sounds like you really tried to keep the cost minimal. I don’t have any advice, just support…
Post # 9
I don’t think you’re beinb selfish, but destination bachelorettes are always kind of hard to sell. I love my friends, but we have a limited “vacation” fund for the year, and I would feel guilty dipping into it for a trip without my fiance.
It’s very hard to judge how others choose to spend their money though, so hopefully you can be happy with an alternate party if this isn’t an option.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
I think the idea about asking other people to go would be a great idea, unless you wanted it to be a really specific group. Could you even ask a few more to go, and make the cost even less for everyone?
Adventure Suites sounds awesome, i have to look into this!
Post # 11
I think the part that irks me the most is that it will probably end up costing the same doing anything else. That and I told them back in October of last year that this was the one and only thing I wanted.
And it is the Bridesmaid or Best Man that I let live with me for 6 months rent free when she left her Boyfriend or Best Friend. I guess I am just one of those people that give and give and give, but when it comes to the one thing I want, I always get screwed, ya know?
Thanks so much for all of your support. I’ll go by myself if I have to! 🙂
Post # 12
I’m really sorry. Anything under $200 sounds really, really reasonable. You can easily spend that just staying in town. People easily forget that there may be upfront costs for some events, but if you do a “simple” dinner out, drinks, and dancing, all of that adds up really fast. The last bachelorette I went to involved a hotel room, a concert, and late dinner at a casino. It sounds expensive, but if you didn’t gamble it came out to $120, plus gas for the 2 hour trip.
Post # 13
@monitajb: That is exactly what I am saying. Anything we do in town will cost them the same.
Anyway- here is adventure suites:
To make the best weekend ever, though… You must stay in this HUT on the top of mt. Washington. You drive your car to the top, then hike (not up- its a very mild hike even for people who don’t hike) to this hut, where you sleep in the clouds.
Then the next day, you hit up adventure suites and party it up 🙂 ugh, it would have been the best weekend to share with my girls.
Post # 14
I’m having a hard time with this one. I personally think $200 and a weekend is a lot to ask of a bridesmaid, especially with the cost of being in a wedding and likely having to take time away for that, too. I mean, I know you’re trying to be financially considerate and that’s very thoughtful of you, but there are still a lot of expenses. Even the dresses, different as they may be, a dress is a dress is a dress and can still be pricey. This would be the kind of thing that I would do with my mom and sister, but I think it’s a lot for a bachelorette party… but then again, I don’t know all of their circumstances. I will add, my sister wanted an elaborate bachelorett complete with a pre-party in an extravagent hotel room, a limo tour to go clubbing, staying in the hotel and brunch in the morning. The total cost was about $120 per person and that didn’t include cost for brunch, covers at clubs, and drinks. Some people were afraid to tell her they couldn’t afford it so kind of went with it. As her Maid/Matron of Honor, I was a little offended that she kept trying to make plans and book things without me. It was one thing I was really hoping to do for her as my mom planned her shower. In the end, we had a great get together at her apartment with food, drinks, and entertainment and we went out after. It cost much less and more people were able to come and we all had a blast, including my sister. I’m sure you’ll have a great time no matter what you do!! Good luck!
Post # 15
I can understand where you’re coming from completely. My bachelorette party is really the only thing I *really* want to go all out on for myself, I just want a low-key shower at home, hang out, nothing big, I’m graduating from college 3 weekends before the wedding (no stress, ha!) and don’t even really want a graduation party. I want a weekend with my girlfriends but I’ve already gotten some guilt trips about how expensive it is and how they probably won’t be able to afford to go anywhere. Another friend is getting married before me so everyone is having a tough time affording it and I TOTALLY understand that so I said “Hey, I’ll pay for the hotel and my own dinner and drinks” because honestly it means that much to me, they all say “No no no, you can’t pay for your own” but then I won’t end up getting what I want. When I tell you I am TRULY not a selfish person you have to believe me, I always try to put everyone else before me (sometimes to a fault) and this is the one thing I really wanted and I hate to say it but I’m a little bitter. I know I shouldn’t be, I know I should respect everyone’s budgets ESPECIALLY in this economy, but I can’t help but be a little upset. I’m one of the last of us to get married and so everyone is kind of tapped out and have the “been there…done that” attitude. So, for the sake of you not being alone–you’re not alone. I know better, I do, but I feel the same way.
Post # 16
For me, personally, $200 for a bachelorette party on top of the other things I’d be paying for as a Bridesmaid or Best Man is too much for me. I wouldn’t be able to afford it. But then again, I may be in a different point in my life or dealing with a different financial situation than your BMs are. Try not to be too upset with them, a lot of work and $$ goes in to being Bridesmaid or Best Man, and I’m sure they want to make it special for you but just do not feel comfortable spending that amount of money.
That said, I totally understand why you are upset. When we get our hopes up for something special and then it doesn’t work out, we can’t help but be disappointed. Your idea sounds like it would have been a lot of fun, but just because it isn’t going to work out now doesn’t mean you can’t do it later. Maybe it would be a nice 1st anniversary or birthday getaway for you and your FH 🙂