(Closed) My bachelorette was a complete failure

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I totally understand why you’d feel disappointed!  We have so many expectations and emotions surrounding this huge event in our lives and when reality doesn’t match our expectations, we can feel let down and hurt.  Sometimes it’s helpful to post things like this and hear from other people just to know you’re not the only one who didn’t have an amazing bachelorette party/shower/proposal, etc, etc…

Personally, I feel a little sad that I am pretty sure I won’t be having any pre-wedding parties at all.  I did choose to move to a new state a few years ago so my nearest and dearest are all far away.  I would be THRILLED to have any kind of gathering with a few good girlfriends.  At the same time, if I were still living in the same state as all my friends and family (we’re all spread out now) and my friends didn’t show up after they had all had fun parties that I had participated in, I would have felt extra hurt. 

I think you should go ahead and get yourself a sash and go out again.  If that is part of your pre-wedding fantasy, go for it.  It’s very realistic thing to make happen (it’s not like you’re asking for a weekend in Europe or something). 

I am just trying to focus on the things I’m thankful for–my fiance, the fact that I am getting married(!) to a wonderful man, the fact that I will have a few people who I love very much at my wedding, the fact that I get to have a separate reception for a few other people to come to, and am trying to consider anything else as an awesome bonus.  Otherwise I’ll just feel let down and disappointed all the time and preparing for a wedding/marriage is emotional enough without additional unmet expectations. I think it’s great you posted this and I hope you feel lots of love and support from your friends and family as you get closer to your wedding!

Post # 48
821 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Sorry your bachelorette wasn’t all that you had hoped. I would feel pretty strung out as well. I get what you are saying. It’s not all the little things that are bothering you, it’s all the little things added up together.

Oh, and don’t take Corgitales assessment too harshly. After all, she’s right, these things won’t be a big deal down the line. But they are a big deal right now, and I get that.

Post # 49
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

So sorry you’re dealing with all of this!! I know all too well what it feels like to be in your shoes. I can’t even find a maid of honor! My best friends (who live in another state) all said they don’t want the title! I’m not even asking anyone to do anything! Ugh! I have…2…local friends for parties. 2. That’s it. Oh, and my family is just my parents and my grandpa…that’s IT. We’re having 150 people at the wedding. I’m betting 20 TOPS will be my people. I moved around a lot, went to college out of the country, moved to OH about 5 years ago and just never made any friends. It sucks. I totally anticipate a lackluster bachelorette (if I even have one). I was already told that we won’t be having a shower of any kind (my parents are in SoCal, his parents don’t have any space to throw one, we won’t throw it ourselves). I think having these expectations (being so low) I probably won’t feel as bad about it all, but I’m just like you. I want those things, I just don’t see how I’ll ever get them. I can even remember when he hadn’t yet proposed hoping I’d meet some friends so I could actually have people to invite to the wedding! Didn’t happen. But my FI’s friends are fantastic. His bestman and groomsman are already like brothers to me. His sister is an amazing person and I might even have her as my maid of honor. His family is amazing in general. And he has just been the most supportive, flexible human being I could ever hope for! Some days, we all just need to sit back and think about what all we have instead of what all we don’t. We’re all truly blessed to even be writing about planning to marry the love of our lives!

Post # 51
4005 posts
Honey bee

I know how you’re feeling. There’s just so much stress that builds up that any one little thing can set you off. It sounds like things were just piling up so much that your FI’s shirt was the straw that broke the camel’s back – and to me, that’s not silly at all. When your emotions are that high for your wedding and you are stressed out with your planning, anything can set you off and make you feel pretty miserable.

Try to look at it this way – all of your girlfriends will be there the night before, and it would be fun to just go out and have a bit of a good time while they’re there. It doesn’t have to be elaborate, and I would highly recommend you not getting too drunk the night before your wedding since you want to look great the day of, but there’s nothing wrong with having some fun with your girls the night before. And I invited over 400 people to my wedding, and 290 showed up. So not exactly 50%, but when over 100 people don’t come…that’s also a little sting.

There will be wonderful people there celebrating your wedding, and those who can’t come…try to set something up with them afterwards to celebrate and enjoy their company. That way, their good excuses will still be good, and you’ll be able to celebrate with them anyway.

Post # 52
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You know what? I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. I don’t know when your wedding date it, but after most of my “half” of the guests couldn’t make the distance (I understand, but you always want your guests to be able to come, that’s why you invited them!), a nonexistant bachelorette party, and a couple of showers where only one or two (out of six) bridesmaids made it to each, my wedding was gorgeous. The guests who did come told people that it was “the most beautiful wedding (they’d) ever attended.” So don’t let the pre-wedding festivities get down. You will be relieved when it is all over, and be psyched to be married to your man. 🙂 I know it feels like you were screwed out of the traditional stuff (I know I did), but I promise you really won’t care that much after a few months!! I hope your day and planning gets better from here on out!

Post # 54
14 posts
  • Wedding: December 1969

i thought i was reading about myself!  


i wouldn’t go out after the rehearsal, you’ll be too exhausted and nervous to have fun.  sashes from the porn store aren’t that cool once you have them on anyway.  and 2/3 of our regrets were from my side…  it’s ok to be disappointed, but when the big day is over, you’ll know they were the ones who should be regretful because it will be the best day of your life.

Post # 55
3026 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

well, i am sorry that you feel this way. I can relate. I did not even get a bachlorette party! my friends said “you dont drink so what is the point” my bridesmaids were my sisters and they did not care. I can relate to your disappointed feeling…i am sorry you feel this way. If it makes you feel better…my wedding was amazing!

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