This is really just a vent, to try to stop myself from crying. Here’s a break down of my week:
I have a baker’s cyst in my left knee that I saw a specialist about late last year and he referred my to get it drained and have a steroid shot, reassuring me it wouldn’t be a e problem for at least another 12 months. Well the swelling never went down and it took less then 2 months for the cyst to refill, bigger then it originally was last year. At the moment I’m limping while walking because my left knee is double (not exaggerating) the size of my right knee. I’m seeing the same specialist next week and I’m not sure I’m not going to be able to stay polite to him. I feel like because it was the end of the year and right before his summer holidays, he just wanted to shut me up and get my out of his office. I was literally his last patient of the year before he went on holidays for a month.
I had a job interview on Monday, I had to chase them for an answer yesterday and I didn’t get the job, which is quite frustrating because I was actually qualified for this one and had experience. I’ve had no job since February and I’ve been looking for a part time job since then to work around my studies. I feel like a huge failure. I’m living between my SO’s and my uncle’s place, so I owe my uncle thousands in rent, plus my car loan, bank loan, credit card. I haven’t been able to contribute to the household much. SO has been paying for everything and its really starting to take a toll on me. I like having my independence and I just don’t have any, financially anyway.
On Tuesday I was sexually harassed and followed to my car at my local shopping centre. I was shaken because I didn’t have anything on me other then my wallet and car key and I looked around and couldn’t see any security guards anywhere. I was so scared he was going to follow me home, I called SO in tears and refuse to go near the place now, I just don’t feel safe. I’m reluctant to even leave the house now.
Later that night we got a call from SO’s friend’s sister saying they had just stopped their neighbours from throwing an 8 week old female kitten off the fourth floor balcony to their apartment blocks. She shouldn’t keep it because they aren’t allowed pets, so I went and grabbed the kitten, who is actually a boy and about 12-14 weeks old. He’s been living in our spare room and because I don’t have work, I’ve been spending time with him and making sure he’s ok around humans and other cats. I’ve fallen for the little bugger, but of course, because I can’t contribute to the food bills or vet bills, we can’t afford to keep him, so I’ve been trying to find a rescue place or a home for him, but that’s not going well either.
I’m just overwhelmingly frustrated and can feel it screwing with my depression and anxiety and therefore taking a toll on my relationship because I feel so down all the time, I’m not interested in being overly affectionate. I’ve been trying really hard for the past few weeks to be more affectionate, but after this week, I’m just exhausted.