(Closed) My beautiful ex….

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
2110 posts
Buzzing bee

I am so sorry my darling, what a terrible thing for you to go through and completely normal for you to still miss him even though you are happy and have moved on.

My mum passed away when I was 11. When I was 18, I had a dream that we were sitting on the couch together and I was showing her photos from the years she had missed. I told her all about my schooling, my friends, my boyfriend, my future plans and how much I missed her. She held me and told me she was proud of me. I woke up and couldn’t catch my breath. I’ve had realistic dreams before but this was so much more – I believe with every fibre of my being that she was reaching out to me. It’s a beautiful memory that I cherish so much.

Post # 18
Member
533 posts
Busy bee

What a heartbreaking and beautiful story about your 1st fiance (I agree with PP, not your ex). Thank you for sharing it.

 

Post # 19
Member
811 posts
Busy bee

I really think you should tell your current Fiance about these feelings. I believe he would want to help you through this. This person is not your ex, you didn’t both decide to part. In a horrible twist of fate you ended up where you are now. This is not something that will ever go away, but it could be better, and I think that sharing your feelings and loss with him may make you feel better about everything.

I am so sorry for you loss. xo

Post # 20
Member
4943 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

goodriddance88:  I’m very sorry for your loss. I don’t think you have keep from mentioning his name. What a tragedy! I don’t think you should feel back about remembering him and his life to your friends and family. He was a big part of your life for a very long time. ((hugs))

Post # 22
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

goodriddance88:  when I was 19 I lost my fiance. He went to the ER for a migraine and never came out alive. He died right before my eyes. I was an inconsolable wreck. He knew me better than I knew myself.

I didn’t have a good childhood, I hated birthdays. I’m a middle child and half the time they would forget it was my birthday. When they did remember it was a mess. At 16 they did a pin the tail on the donkey children’s party. For my little mermaid birthday party, all I wanted was to dress up in a mermaid costume, which they refuse.

Obviously those are just a few examples but… He promised he would create new memories with me to replace the bad ones. Both parties I mentioned were incredibly awful. I can’t remember any good childhood birthdays whatsoever. He went through and every few months I had a birthday Re do.

His family was fairly wealthy… And I think the most memorable birthday was the little mermaid birthday. He rented me a gorgeous mermaid costume, he dressed up as prince Eric, his name is Eric btw. He rented a hall and decorated it under the sea style. It was absolutely beautiful. He played little mermaid music and got me a cheesecake. There was one birthday where my mom asked me what I wanted and I said cheesecake. I told her I hate sour cream so please no sour cream. She refused and I couldn’t eat my birthday cake. He got me a banana cream cheesecake from cheesecake factory… My absolute favorite!!

He always made everything better. My current fiance knows about him, and knows that I still get upset about it at times. He died November 17th, and his birthday is November 16th. I still cry over songs, or seeing different things. I’ve had vivid dreams about him. Sorry for the long post OP I think I got carried away. Anyway, I fully understand what you are going through. ((hugs)) 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  CookieLady.
Post # 24
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Dear OP, how poignant a story and how beautifully you write about him. 

I have a little anxiety though, about just how deeply you are still involved with his memory, yet are engaged to someone else. If you did talk about your first fiance to your second in the way you have here, would he be ok with that do you think? 

Post # 26
Member
584 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

elderbee:  I don’t know that it’s fair to challenge someone’s memories and the way that they feel. She has beautiful memories with Blake, and even if she would leave her Fiance for Blake if possible (like he asks her)….none of that matters. Life goes on and he can’t come back. Grief isn’t a nice straight line, it’s a messy maze of emotions and she posted on a day when her heart was feeling particularly raw. I respect that a lot, and I think that her current Fiance must be a really amazing guy to understand that as well. 

I’m not religious, and I don’t really believe in God, so these are the kinds of ideas that get me through my grief. Maybe you’ll find some solace in them as well: http://i.imgur.com/cC8sAOw.jpg

Post # 27
Member
8323 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

jillbean1217:   No,you have misunderstood .I  really really  am not, nor ever would ‘challenge’ anybody’s memories . And I am painfully and personally aware of grief’s uncertain and irregular timelines.  Your implication that I am not respecting her feelings is also inaccurate, ( tho I am quite sure you meant your entire post to be nothing but supportive and defensive of OP and  understand that)

 

 

 

My post merely expressed some concern fora n aspect

Post # 28
Member
472 posts
Helper bee

Oh man 🙁 my grandma, now passed, struggled with this all her life.  She was set to marry the love of her life when she was 25 and he died of cancer suddenly.  Even though she was happily married to my grandpa until she died I know she still thought of her ex.  I know she used to cry to her sister about it 🙁 everyone has their waves of sadness.  Mine are about lost loved ones.  I don’t know how to help you besides telling you to try to live in the moment and don’t feel afraid to talk to people about it.  If someone is truly your friend they won’t judge you for these thoughts. Good luck 

Post # 29
Member
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

First I saw the post about your dogs and then I saw this.  Honestly I think you need a counselor.  You got in a fight with your Fiance about leaving the dog outside and then continued the fight into his birthday today but two days ago you pulled over your car to cry over your late Fiance.  

Your “ex”, late Fiance, whatever has passed away.  I know it must be difficult but there is no reason to not be open about those feelings.  Your Fiance should be there to support you.  This isn’t something you should have to hide from him.  And you should have a counselor.  Losing someone to war is a tragic way to lose them.  You need a neutral party to talk your feelings out with.  And maybe even take your Fiance to a few sessions so he can understand what you’re dealing with.  You and your Fiance haven’t even been together a year yet so I’m sure you are both learning about one another.  But, Blake was obviously a huge part of your life and it’s clear you miss him dearly so you need to figure out how to not make his memory strain your future. 

For him to even ask if your ex came back to life who you would be with, was messed up.  

 

This isn’t me attacking you-this is just an observation and advice from what little I see here.

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