My best friend is cheating.. what should I do?!?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
904 posts
Busy bee

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mdcs0128 : This is a toughy, because one you dont want to stick your nose in where it doesnt belong and possibly lose a friend, but on the other hand you feel like the wife has a right to know. 

Im of the school of, tell your friend Sharon and Bobby to come clean and stop the affair or you will go to Bobby’s wife and tell her everything. I say this because, if Bobby’s wife does eventually find out and she finds out you knew, its going to hurt her and your friendship with her. 

I suppose other bees will say that its none of your business and to support your friend, but I dont tend to support my friends when I believe in the sanctity of marriage and they are ruining theirs and someone elses marriage.  Integrity is doing the right thing when no one else is looking. 

Im also of the school of thought that I would be pissed if my friend knew my husband was cheating and didnt tell me. 

Just my humble opinion.

Post # 3
Member
2326 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You need to tell her to stop. It isn’t your place to tell her husband though.

Post # 4
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Gahhhh I would stay out of it. 

Sorry. 

I wouldn’t want to be caught in the middle of that drama fest. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

John should do whatever he’s going to do (separation, divorce, counseling) regardless of whether Bobby’s wife believes it or not. Unless you’re close friends with Bobby’s wife, I wouldn’t get involved. Or if she asks you directly, you shouldn’t lie. Though you could say “I don’t want to get involved” if she does.

Post # 6
Member
8261 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I mean, I’d probably send whatever “proof” I have and peace out. Why would you want to be friends with someone like that? If she still wants to be in denial after seeing actual “proof” (which i guess depends on what you have), then she can do that. But *I* would not be covering up for a cheater, mom of daughters (???) or not. 

Post # 7
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I know a lot of people will say stay out or it’s none of your business. But I believe that honesty is the best policy especially when two people are willfully hurting their spouses. Bobby’s wife deserves to know the truth. It is the right thing to do. 

The worst part about being cheated on is realizing how many people knew and didn’t tell you. You realize that nobody cared about you. At least they didn’t care enough to do something.

Oh and if Sharon is cheating on her husband and lying to her friends, is she really a friend worth having?

Post # 8
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

I get not wanting to get into it, but here’s one way to think about it – you are all mothers to daughters. And the women you let your daughter be around leave an impression on her. Do you want to be the type of mother whose daughter things, “My mom knew Sharon and Bob were having an affair and she said nothing!” I personally, would want my mom to be honest. That sets an example for your daughter that these things aren’t “hush hush, not my problem” but that women can stand up for what’s right.

Post # 9
Member
527 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

You should stay out of it. I would strongly encourage your friend Sharon to tell her the truth. I mean, her spouse already knows so what does she have to lose? She needs to stop this shit and do the right thing.

Post # 10
Member
477 posts
Helper bee

I was in a situation similar to this a few years ago, except the guy she was cheating with was already divorced, and honestly? I stayed out of it. She had her entire family telling her she was doing something wrong, everyone at work and if all those people couldn’t convince her to get her head on straight and focus on her marriage or to get a divorce if she really didn’t want to be married anymore, I knew I couldn’t do anything. (We’re also not friends anymore.)

At the end of the day it’s none of your business. You can’t be someone else’s moral compass.

Post # 11
Member
2656 posts
Sugar bee

Has Bobby’s wife come to you and asked you directly? If not I would stay out of it. It’s entirely possible that she’s willfully denying it and doesn’t actually want to know. 

If it comes up with your friend I’d be honest about what you think of it, but don’t insert yourself into the situation. i wouldn’t really want to continue that friendship anyway. 

Post # 12
Member
2688 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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mdcs0128 :  I mean…..knowing her level of morality is Sharon really a friend worth keeping anyway?

Post # 13
Member
5158 posts
Bee Keeper

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thebeekeeper :  +1

There are those people who will say that you must tell, it’s the right thing to do.

Well, I say no way. There are so many reasons to stay out of it. It’s not your life. It’s not your marriage. You’re not the arbiter of other people’s actions. No one understands the marriage like the 2 people in it. You’re not one of those people.

Frankly the kind of person who says something is often nosy and intrusive and looking to stir shit for reasons of their own which have nothing to do with the affair. I’m older, I’ve seen this scenario more than once. And I’m not interested in anyone telling me how wrong I am. 

Post # 14
Member
5751 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Why does being moms of daughters together have anything to do with it?

At a bare minimum if didn’t want to get involved I would encourage my friend to come clean and limit the friendship going forward.

Post # 15
Member
4208 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

What 

View original reply
cherry3b :  said! “The worst part about being cheated on is realizing how many people knew and didn’t tell you. You realize that nobody cared about you. At least they didn’t care enough to do something”

If you were being cheated on, would you be heartbroken if Bobby’s wife knew and kept it from you? Put yourself in her shoes and do what you’d want someone to do for you. 

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