(Closed) My best friend is having an affair with a married man

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
306 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@peasantsong:  Sadly if she honestly believes that she isn’t doing anything wrong, well you won’t be able to sway her in any way. It isn’t even my friend but it still bothers me. One suggestion I can make is contacting his wife and telling her that he’s cheating. That is if you are comfortable being the little bird, because it’s not fair to the wife or their children. Honestly if he were unhappy he wouldn’t stay with his wife, go home to her and his children every night, sleep in the same bed as her, and you can try to point those things out to her. 

Stay strong because you could very well lose a good friend.

Post # 4
8041 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Tricky situation! I would probably just hope it blows over soon! I am not great at keeping my mouth shut lol.

Does she think he’s going to leave his wife for her? Seems like she’s not living in reality. If she brings it up I’d just remind her that the longer she’s with him, the harder it’ll be when they finally do break up. She is wasting her time. It probably seems all exciting and fun right now.. but if she has half a brain, she’ll get out once she realizes it isn’t going anywhere.


Post # 5
7673 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@peasantsong:  There must be other things to talk about. When I’m in this sort of situation (not your friend’s situation, but when a person makes life decisions I disagree with) I voice my disapproval, but other than that we talk about other things.

If I broke off a friendship every time someone did something I didn’t approve of, I wouldn’t have many friends (or family members) left.

Post # 6
6256 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2014

Having grown up with my father’s infidelity completely wrecking my family, I would not be able to be friends with this person. I also agree with PP who said tell the wife. I know it’s none of your business, blah, blah, blah, but wouldn’t you want to know before you wasted any more time (and possibly money) on someone who was breaking their vows? Also, just because she doesn’t know doesn’t mean the kids don’t.

Post # 7
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think it is wrong to date a married man..however, I believe that it is none of your business; and I don’t think you should tell her what to do, or discuss this issue with other people..

If you feel uncomfortable listening about her relationships..you can tell her that you don’t want to know any details from her…and that she shouldn’t bring it up when two of you spend time together..

we are all adults…we make choices for ourselves..sometimes bad ones..But even in the situation like that nobody has a right to judge others…we never know how our life will turn out..

Post # 8
1778 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

“Suzie, I love you as a friend, but you know I don’t approve.  You are a grown up and will make your own choices.  However, I don’t want to hear about this relationship.  I hope we can still be friends and talk about other things.”

Post # 9
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

@peasantsong:  Haha, that’s hilarious! He’s unhappy in his long marriage with kids, so cheating isn’t bad?

My Dad started cheating on my Mom when she was in the hospital (we thought) dying of cancer (she pulled through and is still alive 17 years later!). Believe it or not, they’re still together!

I would tell her you love her, but that you just can’t listen to stories/drama about him. It’s her (bad) decision to make.

Post # 10
2778 posts
Sugar bee

@peasantsong:  honestly though, she’s not doing anything wrong…he is. Yes it’s gross, but he’s the one cheating on his wife.

ETA: do not tell the wife. It’s absolutely none of your business. You don’t know anything about their marriage, maybe she already knows and is fine with it. I think you should stay out of it.

Post # 11
1097 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I don’t think you should say anything, unless she asks for your opinion. It’s her life, her relationship and as a friend, all you should do is be there for her.

If it really bothers you that much, you could back away from the relationship and set up some boundaries. Spend less time with her, less phone conversations, etc. 

I’ve done pretty shitty things, and my friends supported me through those experiences and it meant the world to me. For a friend to turn their back on me for something they don’t approve of would make me think THEY were the bad friend, not me. 

Post # 12
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@peasantsong:  I agree with how you want to treat the situation.  I wouldn’t agree with the situation either but since you disagree about it, so long as every other aspect of your friendship is good, then just make her relationship with the married man a non-topic and refuse to discuss it with her.  It may hurt her feelings but I would rather be honest with my friend then lie to her face and act like everything is okay and then think bad things about her behind her back.  I would probably start limiting my relationship with her anyway because I don’t approve of cheating/adultery.

Post # 13
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Do not talk about her relationship in a positive light at all, if she brings it up tell her you don’t want to hear it, because what she is doing is WRONG. I suppose you can’t avoid her altogether as she is your best friend, but hang out with her a lot less. Maybe that will get it into her head that she is helping this man destroy his family.

Post # 14
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I’d probably just try to avoid the topic and change topics if she brings him up

Post # 15
679 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015


Sometimes when friends do very reprehensible things, it is hard to continue the friendship.

I tried to be friends with this woman who was having an affair with a married man. Hearing her naive, selfish and foolish words about the affair was just too much for me.

Growing up seeing infidelity is likely why it turns my stomach.

Perhaps you can say to your friend: “I love you but I don’t approve of your affair and I don’t want to hear about it.”


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