(Closed) My best friend is mad at me

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@mrshunnybunches:  it sounds like totally normal bride stress. i think she’s just begging you to make conscious decisions because she’s feeling out of control right now with the wedding getting close.

just roll with the punches, send those invites and keep loving your wedding-crazed BFF. ^.^

Post # 4
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee

@mrshunnybunches:  Wait…where was the initial screw-up? 

And the issue with her text is that she’s essentially blaming your inability to “handle your frustrations” for the way she acted in your little disagreement (instead of taking personal responsibility for any poor reactions she may have had). 

It’s not quite as extreme, but it’s along the lines of “I am sorry that you made me act that way.”

Post # 5
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

calm down, take a step back and re-evaluate the text message tomorrow. emotions are running high right now. I’m sure you two just need to cool off and it will be ok after a little bit. 

I believe all your friend meant was that when you got frustrated with the designer, you did something bad, and it gave your already stressed out friend something more to stress out about. it was an avoidable problem that you did not need to involve her with.

the thing is, on top of this, now somebody has to explain to the designer why her invitations were not used. so the designer is probably going to be offended and it’s one more thing to deal with. 

Post # 6
Member
2055 posts
Buzzing bee

@nerdybird:  Ooo that’s much better (and more level-headed) advice/perspective than what I posted.

OP, I support these wise words (and the perspective they offer).

Post # 8
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent's backyard

@MlleFabuleux:  thanks!

OP: I’m not trying to point blame at any party or anything. I’m sure you will both feel better about this later.  maybe just the next time you are hanging out with your friend, say “agin, I’m so sorry that happened.” I’ll bet she’ll be all “it’s ok, I’m over it...”

edit: glad you don’t need to deal with the designer 🙂

Post # 10
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@mrshunnybunches:  Does your friend have a history of mental/emotional issues? Is it possible that she was previously medicated to control her moods, but now she is off the medication and trying to control them on her own? That was the kind of vibe that I got from what she said.

Post # 11
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It sounds like she’s saying that you made a decision about a party you are throwing her that she didn’t like, she got mad at you about it, and it is your fault that she (couldn’t control her own emotions) and got mad.  I understand where she is coming from in that she doesn’t want added stress, but you didn’t make a mistake, you decided that the invitations were not usable!  She’s basically saying that since she can’t control her emotions it is your job to make sure you don’t say anything that could possibly upset her. That is unfair, and makes no sense as she said she’s trying to control her own moods.  That would mean her not letting unimportant things upset her, but I digress…

I would definitely be put off by what she said as well, but I agree with the prior posters that she’s probably just a bit stressed right now and worried about what how friend B would have reacted when her invites weren’t used.  I would just drop it as I think harping on the issue or saying anything is probably not going to help and unless this is indicative of a larger pattern in your relationship, just give her the benefit of the doubt and let it go.

Post # 13
Member
3552 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@mrshunnybunches:  Ah ok, I was just trying to think of a reason someone would use that particular phrasing. Gaslighting is a pretty good reason. I’m sorry she’s dealing with that kind of situation, that’s got to not be fun for you.

Post # 14
Member
5956 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@mrshunnybunches:  When I host a gathering of any size or circumstance, the invitations are the first impression that gathering makes….it’s a weird little obsession of mine, so I’d die before I mailed guests something sub-par, and as the hostess it’s your choice what gets mailed, so your friend, even though she is the bride, is out of line….whatever she’s yammering about in regard to making sure you don’t stress her out is crap, she’s in charge of what stresses her out, and advising you to think long and hard about texting her before you apprach her with things, is like putting her time and energy on billable hours status…like it has to meet a certain criteria to get to her eschelon of attention, is lame….she’s getting married NOT curing cancer…call her to find out if she likes peas more than corn, to look a a burr on your heel…because you had a dream you were a guy and took her to the prom, that’s what friends do.

Post # 15
Member
463 posts
Helper bee

What she said is ridiculous and badly phrased, but I’m guessing what she meant was something more like, “I am really trying to keep the stress out of my life so please try not to put me in a situation where I have to pick between my friends and offend one of them (either B by rejecting her invites or you by telling you it was a dick move).” Which is reasonable.

Hopefully she didn’t actually mean that she expects you to monitor her emotions or some crap. I suppose it’s always possible, but I wouldn’t assume it just from the situation in the OP.

Post # 16
Member
728 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Reason #1135468498435135469 why brides shouldn’t help plan their own showers.

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