Post # 1
in a seriously toxic relationship. I don’t even know what to do or what to say anymore? His SO sponges off of him, doesn’t pay for anything, has no savings, no assets, nowhere to go, nothing. My friend lets call him J wants to end it because he has been miserable for a year and they have been fighting constantly about money and SO’s lack of contributing to anything. For the recond SO makes 50K a year but spends it all on booze, cigarettes and lord knows what else? SO takes money from J’s bank account and asks for loans all the time to cover rent/utility/food contributions, basically J pays for everything.
I just talked to J who is moving out of their shared apartment today into a hotel for a couple of weeks until they can sort it out, and he drops the bomb that “the last time we split up SO attempted suicide”. I’m so afraid that it will happen again and J will be guilted back into this horrible relationship. My immediate response was, call the police?
Unfortunately J and I are about 1000km apart, so I can’t be there in person to help, but what do I even say to him? I feel like I’m always at a loss for words and saying the wrong things..
Post # 3
Since he has threatened suicide in the past, I would have your friend call for a wellness check the next time he threatens. And then do it each and every time he threatens it.
Post # 4
@nyebride: I agree. It seems like your friend’s SO is holding him hostage in the relationship in fear that he would commit suicide.
Post # 5
That’s terrible, but you can’t get back with someone because they attempted suicide because then anytime they break up in the future they’ll just try it again. Definitely try to get your friend to call the cops if their ex starts threatening to hurt themself.
Post # 6
I agree with nyebride – wellness checks, the police, a local psychological institute, or something like that. He’s stop the threats really quick if he’s not serious. At some point – as hard as it is – we have to stop ourselves from caring about our previous SO’s. Sometimes they use kindness and caring against the people who are kind and care about them.
-I hope everything works out for the best!
Post # 7
Thanks bees! I’ve said all of this to him, and he totally agrees.. there is obviously so much more to the story, I just needed to get it off of my chest because, it’s hard to cope with as an outsider, I can’t even imagine what he’s going through.. 🙁