(Closed) My best friend isn't coming to my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Guests
Post # 16
116 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I understand both sides here, bee. It’s definitely heartbreaking when someone really really close can’t come to your wedding for whatever reason, BUT I have also been that person having to say no, because there truly are certain times I *cannot* take off of work, no matter why (month-end is bad, quarter-end is worse, and if I’m out a day in January I’d better have one foot in the grave).

 All you can do is try and make sure this doesn’t ruin your friendship. If you want to continue to be friends, you have to make sure you’re not resenting her for this. It’s okay to be hurt, but don’t let it poison the good relationship you had before. 

Post # 17
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yea – it sucks. I had two really close friends do it.

One I was in her wedding but she now lives a 13 hour drive away. I was frustrated because she never told me upfront/all along. I got engaged, sent save the date, sent wedding invitaiton. She got a new job, has a son and said her hubby would be away. But if she’d planned all along…Regardless, I kind  get it. What is upsetting is I noticed entire time I’ve been engaged she’s never asked how I am, how wedding planning is going where our other friends (4 of us total..i was in 2 of the 3’s weddings[dad illness, destination, money prevented me from being in 3rd wedding]). She never sent me a card or gift. Just a text that I looked pretty. Okay….our friendship will probably be forever changed because she just doesn’t care to see how I am. I’ve noticed this when she’s in town…I’m the last minute plan once she sees everyone else

Another friend, lives in town and have been friends 13 years. We say that even though we don’t see each other as much as we’d like, we’re glad we can always pick up where we left off. I have no clue why she declined and I had to chase her twice to respond. SHe and her boyfriend, her son, his kids were invited. She declined my bachelorette party “because she wouldn’t know anyone” which is not true. Not to meniton she’s the most social person and has come to events before not knowing anyone and I’ve gone to her parties not knowing anyone except her. I never heard from her so I deleted her from my phone and social media. 

I have a dear friend I’ve known since I was 3..his parents and him are literally second family. I made sure I chose a date that would work for him. His brother lives in another country and has a wife and three kids. They were bummed they couldn’t come but he called and skyped me on my wedding day while I was getting ready. It was wonderful to know how much he cared!

SO – in short. Be happy for the fam and friends who are there for you. I was/am and the day was great. I look back and am bummed those I thought were good friends were not there but I try not to focus on it.

Post # 18
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I assumed from ‘assistant to celebraties that dont even know her name’ and I maybe wrong is that she might be self employed (not everyone has a boss, company, holiday security etc…) and your wedding is during award/events sesson in that case these networking event are VITAL, they can be like a feeding frezy as your job is never safe and if she doesnt book new contracts during those events her entire annual income could be destroyed with no back-up


but even if she is employed for a company she may still rely on booking her own contracts so cant take time off or the company may of blocked those dates because their booked to capasity

Post # 19
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
fleurfairy:  A similar thing happened to me. My friend had known about the wedding date for 2 YEARS beforehand because we had a long engagement. She chose to take a vacation the week before and would not be able to make it to my wedding because she was getting back the day of. I tried not to take it personally – I have certainly chosen vacations with my husband or family over weddings in the past as well. But it DID make me rethink our friendship a bit. I wouldn’t have chosen a vacation over my best friend or a close family member. Hugs!!

Post # 20
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Sucks. Truly. But yeah life happens and work, which most of us need to sustain ourselves sometimes has to come first. And blackout dates are real and common. 

Your day will be amazing regardless.

Post # 21
22 posts
  • Wedding: January 2016

I’m so sorry. I’ve been through the same situation. My best friend was supposed to be in my wedding and the week before the wedding she told me she couldn’t make it because she had work (YES, SHE TOLD ME THE WEEK BEFORE MY WEDDING!!!). I had the same thoughts as you. I thought our friendship was more important than that but obviously she thought otherwise. 

Post # 22
10283 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Working for celebrities means not saying no. It might not make sense if you’re not in the business, but that’s the way it is. The career advancement you get from working for a name is huge, and so everyone wants these jobs. 

That means the celeb calls the shots and yes, they really are this demanding. 

It totally sucks for you, and for her, but my point is this makes sense to me as someone who has worked with a lot of celebs. So I wouldn’t take it personally. If anything I would feel sorry for her because it is a tough road. 

Post # 23
1949 posts
Buzzing bee

I was on the other end, the one who couldnt attend.  I had to miss my Brother’s wedding and to this day I regret it.  I was working full-time and a Full-time student.  I signed up for a class that culminated in a month long study abroad so and I used all 3 weeks of my vacation time for it (and went 2 weeks unpaid). My brothers wedding was A destination wedding in another country and travel arangements would needed to be made for an entire week since they had a package and events on every day of the week.  The wedding was scheduled two weeks after I returned from my study abroad.  Eventhough I did receive notice 6 months in advance I just couldnt do it.  If I went I would loose my job for basically being gone for so many consecutive days and short staffing the office since someone else had approved time off that week.  Also It would have been unpaid time off, financially would have put me in a very difficult place.  As much as I wanted to be there, I choose to be responsible and he understood.  

It is important to remember that although weddings are one of the most important days of your life, it may not be for others.  No matter what it is your day and you will get through it as long as your groom shows up! 

Post # 24
4110 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
fleurfairy:  It definitely sucks. I would be beyond crushed if my best friend couldn’t attend my wedding. Personally, I’d switch dates so she could attend, but I am not suggesting you do that. Here’s the thing: You can’t demean her job and act as if your wedding is more important than anything going on in her life. I’m assuming she is a personal assistant to a celebrity for a number of reasons. Either she likes it or she is on track for a much better job–either way, you don’t get to talk down about her job or imply it’s less important than your wedding. 

For what it’s worth, when I got married one of my really, really good friends did not attend. We had been engaged for almost two full years and she never bothered to request the day off of work and couldn’t come. Up until two weeks before my wedding she said she would be there (even though I had to hunt down her RSVP). I got a text from her about ten days before the wedding. She said she just got her schedule and had to work.

Initially, I was irritated: Why didn’t she request it off? What was her problem? Why can’t she just call out? Why can’t she switch? Finally, I got to a point of acceptance. She could do a whole host of other things to get herself to the wedding, but she wouldn’t. And didn’t. For whatever reason, she did not request time off of work and did not attend my wedding. Did it suck? Yup. Did it effect our friendship? Yup. I always caution people not to compare you with other people, but for HER wedding, I spent well over $2k between bridal shower, crazy bachelorette party, $300 dress, $300 cowboy boots (that I have never worn since and will never wear again), travel expenses, hotel expenses around a very, very busy holiday. I could have used an excuse and copped out of her wedding, but I chose to do anything I could to support her. 

Eight months after my wedding, I’m totally over it. I had a great time and while it stung a bit leading up to the wedding that she didn’t come, I didn’t even notice once the wedding started. However, going forward, she is one person I will not go out of my way for anymore. 

Post # 25
1117 posts
Bumble bee

I was almost in a similar situation. My best friend of 17 years works for an NCAA Division 1 football team and the fall is just a no go for her. I asked her a year before hand and she unfortunately explained that she just can’t take a Saturday off during the football season. It turned out the schedule worked in my wedding’s favor but I completely understand feeling like someone who is supossed to be close to you is picking something else over your day but sometimes that’s just he way life is. You can absolutely be bummed out about it but I am sure you will have a wonderful time on your wedding day regardless.

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