Post # 1
So, I set my best friend up with my male best friend 3 weeks ago. She texted me a few days ago saying they were engaged and moving in together. After knowing each other for 3 weeks.
I love her, but I’m super concerned. I just don’t see it lasting. I’m the MoH on top of being her wedding planner, and I’m just having a hard time with the whole thing. I love her so much, but I’m so afraid that this is going to fail and she’ll blame me for setting them up. Plus, I’ve known him for several years (6, to be exact) and she keeps acting like I don’t know him at all. He’s like a big brother to me, and she got mad at me the other day after I texted him, saying that she felt like I was going behind her back to talk to him. I’m so confused and frustrated as to what to do, because I feel like I’m losing both of my best friends.
To make matters worse, I was engaged before her. She was supposed to be my MoH, but then I found out that my fiance was unfaithful and tons of other bad things. After 2 years of dating. I’m a little sad, because I would be getting married this June, and now I’m not…And part of me feels like…If I was with mine for 2 years and we were constantly together, and he lied to me about everything…What could yours be hiding after only 3 weeks? They’re planning to get married 5 months from now, and it’s driving me crazy!!
I want to be there for my best friend, but I don’t support this decision. Help?
Post # 3
I’ll tell you what I learned from the Bee when I asked a similar question.
Keep your mouth shut, and be there for her, whatever happens. Whether it’s a good idea or not, she’s not gonna hear anything negative you have to say. Tell her you were friends with him first and have a right to talk to him, but about their relationship, smile and nod.
Post # 4
Try to be supportive and tell her your concerns, but don’t badger her about them. That’s my only advice. Some people know that someone is right for them right away. So you never know.
Post # 5
@sweetpea87: I agree with this! She’s going to do what she wants to do regardless of what you think or say.
Post # 6
@sweetpea87: +1. Every relationship is different and just because you had a bad experience doesn’t mean she will. Be supportive and positive of their relationship, even if you have to fake it.
Post # 8
If I would have read this post a year ago, I would have thought she was crazy. BUT hell, I went to Vegas last May, met the love of my life, we knew we were going to get married 2 weeks after we met, I moved out to where he lives across the country and here we are, almost a year later, engaged and never more in love with anyone in my life. You never know. Try not to judge and be there for her. It seems to me that you are also a little hurt and perhaps a tad jealous that she is getting married, but your engagement didn’t work out. That is totally understandable! But try to put those feelings aside, and support her the best you can.
Post # 9
I understand being concerned, but you have to support her. I met my fiance one/one and a half months after ending a relationship, started seeing him nearly everyday (practically lived together), starting talking about getting married about a month later, and then moved in with him 4 months into our relationship. He proposed 2 months later and we’re getting married in May. 11 months after we met. It works for us. Maybe it’s right for her.
HOWEVER, I would talk to her about your situation with texting him/her feeling like you are going behind her back. I would be open and honest about this and tell her that you’ve known him for years and have nothing but platonic feelings for him. I would also reinforce that you would never try anything with her man behind her back. She may just be the type of woman that doesn’t want her (future) husband having many female friends. Unfortunately, when they do get married, your relationship will change. Its just the way things work.
Good luck. I hope it works out for you and for her!
Post # 10
Unless you think this guy is bad news (and since you’ve been friends for years I doubt it) I would try to be happy for them and hope everything works out. Sometimes you just know. I knew before I met Lion in person that there was something bigger at work.
Post # 11
@sweetpea87: + @MapleMoose: <—-These
Fiance Carnival and I got engaged less than three weeks after we started dating and it has worked out for us; granted we had a four year engagement. I think this is one of those situations where you have to be a passive observer, because the wrong sentence could harm your friendship with one, the other or both.
Post # 12
Sometimes people just know when they’ve found the right person. My husband and I met online, and got engaged 3 days after meeting in person. That was nearly 7 years ago.
Post # 13
My parents met, moved in together within a few weeks, and were married 5 months to the day after they met. They are still together 30+ years later. Not to say that that’s necessarily the norm for people who move quickly from meeting-dating-marriage, but it is certainly possible.
On the otherhand, I can understand that you would feel bad if it didn’t work out as you set them up, but you must have thought they would hit it off if you introduced them, right? You may have to have a discussion with her about the fact that he is your friend too, and that all communication between you and he won’t necessarily stop. I would think a rational person would understand that.
Post # 14
Post # 15
OP, I know this is hard, but you are just going to have to try your hardest to be supportive – if you’re not you may lose both your best (girl and guy) friends.
Post # 16
Don’t say anything, just smile and nod, you don’t have to love it. If it ends, it’s what happens, nothing you had anything to do with.