- 7 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
I need advice. I am due to get married on 28th of this month. I am currently living in Israel (originally coming from the U.K. but my fiancé is Israeli so we decided to do the big Jewish wedding here) and so I haven’t got the luxury of having my own family and friends around me during all the planning stages. However, my best friend, who is currently living in Spain, has been amazing helping me from a distance with decisions etc.
But, here’s where it gets tricky – as soon as my fiancé proposed to me I knew I’d pick my Boyfriend or Best Friend for Maid/Matron of Honor, she’s such an obvious choice – we have very similar tastes, she doesn’t get easily stressed or angry, great at organising, brilliant sense of humour and is always there for me when I need here, who else could be better? I thought that if I tactfully told my older sister this (who is 31, doesn’t believe in marriage, is a goth and quite immature) she’d understand….WRONG! She flips from being ok to not being ok, to making snide remarks and slyly trying to start up the argument again to being understanding when mum has a go at me instead.
Now, in Israel they don’t have ‘MOH’ as we do in the U.K. and tbh I’ve done everything on my own because of the aforementioned reason. My sister still doesn’t accept this as being true either. We’re also planning a celebration (of considerably smaller size) in the U.K. when we move back this year and I did think about giving her the title there but I can’t rely on her to do anything a normal Maid/Matron of Honor should do, she won’t even cheer me up if I get stressed, she likes to make it worse. She wouldn’t genuinely discuss my choices of say tablecloths, instead she’d try and make me pick something as goth looking as possible.
Here’s a really good example of her attitude towards my one request of her – all I asked was for her not to wear dark colours, I didn’t care if the dress was a goth style etc but I just didn’t want her looking like she’s mourning my wedding. I even went on goth forums etc to ask advice on where she could get brighter coloured goth dresses so she’d still feel comfortable because obviously I want my sister to be comfortable too. She disregarded everything I showed her, and said she couldn’t find anything in the shops to buy so she ordered a dress online that was a medium lavender but it didn’t fit…so she went out to the shops again and suddenly she finds a dress…this one http://www.houseoffraser.co.uk/Eliza+J+3/4+sleeve+ruched+waist+dress/165288656,default,pd.htmlPretty dark huh? FYI – she has extremely long, jet black hair (dyed) which she is planning to crimp because then it’s more goth. OK the dress is nice and I know I shouldn’t be upset but I just feel that she’s saying f*ck you, I’ll do what I want and it’s stressing me out.
On top of this the type of person my sister is means she has to be the centre of attention and if she isn’t she makes a scene, she loves to cause arguments, get her own way with everything and act quite immature all round. She’s unreliable, unrealistic and totally irresponsible so that’s why I wouldn’t have her as my maid of honour.
Now, my mother has started having a go at me for this, saying my SISTER has every right to be angry with me for not having her as my maid of honour, that she’s my only sister and that my mother had her sister as her maid of honour when she married my dad – fyi – my mother has two sisters, one who’s like my sister and one who’s like my best friend, she had the one who’s like my best friend as her maid of honour…but when I use this as an example she tells me I’m being mean and selfish.
So my question to you all is – have any of you experienced something similar? And what do you think I should/can do to try and appease everyone? Also, am I being selfish or a ‘Bridezilla’?
Thanks for all and any feedback and apologies for any spelling mistakes…I’m writing this fast and with some emotions still in me.