(Closed) I’ve been put in a tough situation!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Who would you pick to attend the wedding?
    Your cousin : (20 votes)
    29 %
    Your best friend : (14 votes)
    20 %
    Torn like me because this is ridiculous!!! : (35 votes)
    51 %
  • Post # 32
    Member
    3997 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    Um, not to be harsh about your best friend but… she needs to close that chapter.  Its just not healthy to harbor sooooo much resentment still.  The damage is done, she is doing herself (and her child) a disservice by still being upset about it.  And trying to fight someone everytime she sees them?  That’s not cool at all!  That being said, you deserve to have them both there.  Your cousin and your best friend.  So I’d invite them both.  If your Maid/Matron of Honor decides she can’t handle it, well, that’s pretty telling of where her priorities and loyalties lay.  I’m so sorry you have to deal with this kinda crap, it shouldn’t be happening.

    Post # 33
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    So, they have children that are siblings? Cousins gf is pretty much her sons step-mom? And she still tries to fight this woman? Ugh. 

    I understand the compassion for her feelings, I really do. But this isn’t a bbq or a dinner party. This is an event. Your event. She’s entangled her issues into your family. How does the rest of the family feel about it? Has cousins mother weighed in on this? Just curious, bc in my family it would be family comes first, end of story.

    I really do think she’s being self-absorbed. There are going to be many many occasions that she’s going to have to deal with these people if there are children involved, and as much as she might not like it or it might hurt, she’s gonna have to learn to suck it up. 

    Post # 34
    Member
    7975 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    My general rule of thumb when someone tries to ‘make me choose’ is choose against them. In my experience, usually the person pushing for a choice turns out to be the selfish one, and the one trying to keep the peace is the one more worth my time and energy in the long run. Generally.

    However, in this case if I were you, I would tell her “Look, it’s my wedding. He’s my cousin. I’m sorry it didn’t work out and that you still struggle with it, but it’s time to be an adult, for my sake. You are my friend and I would love to have you at my wedding, but it is my wedding and I will invite my family and their significant others. If you honestly can’t be happy for me and just stear clear of them… I’m asking that you not make a scene at my wedding, not that you make her your new bff. If you honestly can’t behave like a rational adult for my sake, then you’ve already made my choice for me.”

    Post # 35
    Member
    520 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Invite them both.  If one of them don’t want to come because of the other, it’s their issue NOT yours.  It’s your day, and your Maid/Matron of Honor has to decide what’s more important to her:  you (her best friend), or an old relationship she hasn’t moved on from.

    Post # 37
    Member
    3219 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    I have to good friends that I set up and then recenty broke up. They were going to be going to my Destination Wedding, thank god they hadnt bought tickets yet!

    I asked her if she minded if I invited him before I set out any invites.

    In your case you’ve already sent out the invites I think they should have to deal with who is going.

    Does you cus know how she feels about the his g/f being at the wedding? if not maybe he would not bring his g/f knowing how much it would upset your Maid/Matron of Honor.

    Post # 39
    Member
    10 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    No offense but I would have been shocked if your cousin had considered the feelings of your BFF.  From what you’ve written on this post he never considered the feelings of your BFF to begin with.  He didn’t see a problem with sleeping with your BFF, impregnating her and then cheating on her with her BFF so why would he consider her feelings at your wedding?

    I cannot agree with the majority of the people on here who say your BFF should suck it up, put on “big girl panties”, etc.  It’s very easy to judge when you haven’t been in the situation.  Being your Maid/Matron of Honor is a big job.  I’ve been a Maid/Matron of Honor before and it takes a lot of time, commitment, love and money to hold that position.  Most likely if your BFF is doing that for you then she really cares about you and values your friendship.  She is not a bad friend because she realizes that having the cheating BFF there would be hard for her.  Being a Maid/Matron of Honor is tough enough because she carries the weight of the bride on the wedding day and tries her hardest to make sure that the bride is happy, that everything goes as expected and that she’s a comfort to you.  Now on top of that, she has to deal with mess that your Cousin started.  I don’t care if it was 10 years ago.  Sometimes time does not heal all wounds especially when it’s dealing with children, betrayal and deep hurt. 

    If she really is your friend and means that much to you then you should consider her feelings and her perspective.  This is obviously really hard for her and she is going to feel embarrassed and probably a little hurt at your wedding.  It’s your day but she’s a friend hopefully for life.  I really hope that she makes the best choice for her. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    Frankly, I wouldn’t invite either.  Not that my family is perfect, but I wouldn’t invite someone that did that, to a wedding of all places, since they clearly have issues regarding making a commitment to someone – I’m not a believer that family necessarily get the benefit of the doubt over a friend.  And I wouldn’t invite her if; she’s right to be hurt but she needs to move on.

    If I set them up and I had to pick though, I’d go with the friend, imho.

    The topic ‘I’ve been put in a tough situation!’ is closed to new replies.

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