(Closed) My best friend's BF just dropped a huge bomb. Help me, help her?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
1020 posts
Bumble bee

I think you gave good advice. Tell your friend that you’re available to listen if she needs to vent, but that you’ve given her all the advice you can give on the topic.

Post # 5
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I feel for your friend, that her relationship as she knows it is over..but I can’t imagine wanting anything to do with a guy if he told me he wanted to be a woman-I think all attraction/emotion would subside and I’d be like “WTF?! Back away, now.” I wish her luck :-/

Post # 6
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

I think you have given good advice. This must be a difficult situation for your friend, so just be there as much as possible.

I have been with m to f and f to m transgendered people in the past, and I have always focused  on the person, not the gender. But some people find it very difficult. Maybe see if they, as a couple, would be willing to seek counselling together? There are so many wonderful organisations out there who will help. Also encourage her to seek out forums etc aimed at people in her position – there are others in the same boat who can offer a unique perspective. At the end of the day, only she can make the decision, but it needs to be an informed and thought out one.

Post # 7
Member
6210 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

I think she is just clinging to the past. She needs to know that it’s not going to be the same, but that’s something she will have to figure out for herself.

Post # 8
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

i would ask her what she ultimately wants. If she wants to be with him/her at any cost, you can remind her that any pain she is having she needs to learn how to deal with because she wants to be with him/her no matter what. 

If she wants a more traditionally family life-husband, children, etc then when she starts to complain, you can remind her she needs to leave so she can fulfill her ultimate goals.

If at some point it becomes too much for you to deal with, you can tell her that you love her, but this is too much for you and she needs to find a professional to discuss this with.

Post # 9
Hostess
2556 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think you gave her good advice, also.  I have friends that I give the same advice to over and over.. it comes to a point when I (gently) tell them, that I cannot give them anymore advice & that they’re just looking for me to tell them what they want to hear.  All you can do now is support whatever decision she makes.

Post # 10
Member
21 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

tell your friend to RUN.and never look back.EVER

Post # 12
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I know 2 people who transitioned, one male-to-female and one female-to-male. Here’s the thing: Both of their preferences changed after beginning the hormone treatment – she-now-he went from being a lesbian to a gay male; he-now-she went from identifying as a gay man to a lesbian. Obviously this doesn’t always happen, but, she needs to be aware that the hormones will change him. And he needs to be realistic about how much his life is going to change in ways he cannot predict.

all I can say is that actually going through with removing one’s male organs seems like a deep level of self-hatred. It isn’t easy or fun to be with someone who fundamentally hates themselves.

Post # 13
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think you have given her good advice.  Honestly, the best thing I think you can do now is to give her a little bit of space.  That way, you won’t feel so frustrated or so much like a broken record the next time you talk to her, and hopefully it will give you friend some time for your advice to sink in.

Post # 14
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

What a rough situation. However I think your advice was really good. They are basically her only 2 options. He will not change his mind. People who want gender reassignment don’t arrive at that decision on a whim, it’s something they generally know from quite a young age.

Just tell her you’re sorry that you can’t help more on this issue, it’s her decision to make, and that the options you’ve already told her are the only ones available to her. This may make her realise that you’ve tried to help as much as you can, the rest is up to her to figure out.

Post # 15
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

@missEspinoza:  I don’t know if you meant it to, but your ‘advice’ comes across as a bit judgemental and rude. It’s not that easy to walk away from the person you love, especially when they’re going through a tough time. I’m sure that there are people who would find it easy to simply drop and abandon someone they love in their time of need, but this isn’t the case this time, so you came across as being narrow minded and bigoted.

OP, have you considered asking this question on lgbtq forums? Or transgender forums?

Post # 16
Member
501 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2023

Double post 

The topic ‘My best friend's BF just dropped a huge bomb. Help me, help her?’ is closed to new replies.

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