(Closed) My best friend’s fiance cheated on her at his bachelor party!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

IMO I would want to know if my soon to be husband cheated. Marriage is a huge commitment.  Your boyfriend should understand how big of a deal this is.

Post # 4
Member
2077 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If I were the bride in the situation, I’d want to know.

Even though your boyfriend asked you not to, explain to him that this is one promise you have to break because she NEEDS to know.  If it went any further than what you described (and I’m assuming it did), your friend could be at risk for an STD.

My vote is to tell her.  She definitely needs to know.

Post # 5
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

I think she should know.  Going into marriage without that information is disaster.  Honestly, you’re doing what’s right if you tell her.  It’s not your fault this guy cheated.

Post # 6
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you should tell also. If she cancels the wedding it wont be your fault it will be the cheaters fiances fault. I know I would want to know.

Post # 7
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Ew that is so gross! She deserves someone who is going to respect her. And THAT is NOT respect. Its hard to put yourself in someone else situation, but I think I would tell my friend. I certainly would want to know if I was marrying a disrespectful pervert. Thats just me though.

Post # 8
Member
154 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@bridget_124:agreed. if your very close to her then ide sit down with her and disclose what your boyfriend told you because if it was me, ide want to know what my fiance had done. He sounds like he needs to grow up. Shouldnt be getting married if he’s not ready to intimatly be with one woman. sheesh.

Post # 9
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

This is horrible!!!!! If your relationship with “Tina” is as good as you say it is could you really stand living your lives as friends and not telling her? It’s a tough call and obviously something that has to be a personal decision for your specific situation, but I know if I was the Bride I would want to know. This would be a deal breaker for me and my Fiance knows this. I’m sure her man knows too. What a horrible way to start a marriage. Do you really think he’ll change over the years? This is just so disrespectful to your poor friend I can’t believe it!

Post # 10
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Would you want to know?  I would … I say TELL HER.  If your boyfriend gets that upset at you, then he isn’t much of a boyfriend.

Post # 11
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Speaking as someone with a lot more experience, just file it away in your head.  You dont really know what happened.  And your bf doesnt really know what went on “down there” What people say and what they really did can be very different. Your friend probably should not have forced the issue.  He had to go, or look like he was “whipped” in front of his friends.  If she had just said “I love you and see you tomorrow” it would be a non- issue.

  I say – stay out of it.  Strip clubs are not cheating. He is marrying her, not the dancer.  Its a no- win for you. 

Post # 12
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow, you totally have to tell her. Think about it this way, would SHE be a good friend if she didn’t tell you? He cheated IMO and I would TOTALLY call off my wedding if my Fiance did this to me. Even if “you” cause problems, this is all the FIs fault, and he needs to clear it up with her. I think your bf should respect that you have to tell your friend. In this instance, “the man code” is not as important as the rest of their lives.

Post # 13
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I consider boob-sucking and finger “fun” cheating, and the bride needs to know. Especially, as someone already pointed out, STD’s could potentially be a factor here.

You should also know that if your Boyfriend or Best Friend wants to keep this a secret from her, then he’s probably not the one for you because this is a big deal, you know? I would count on it breaking up your relationship unless he has a change of heart and realizes how silly this sounds.

I’m really sorry, what a crappy situation! 

Post # 14
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

I am going to play devils advocate. Did he really cheat? She put his hand there. He will argue he didnt want to do that. OK so he sucked a little. Gross? Yes? Inappropriate? yes? Cheating?  maybe.  But at the end of the day that is the only thing he did on his on volition. She already approved the dances and the club.

So if you tell, they will have an argument. He only did “one thing wrong” because the other the stripper “made him do it”. So likely she will forgive him, life will more on and you will be considered the tattle tale. It will be a kill the messenger type situation.

If he slept with her, then its a different story, but based on these facts I dont think you should say anything.  I would however, use it as a way to make it clear to your boyfriend that you in no way condone this behavior and if you ever found out he did something like it, what you would do.

Edit: He will lie his way out of this one and since you werent there it will become a “she said”. His buddies will likely either back him up or stay silent. Either way, you would be the lone person telling her what happened via hearsay.  People dont want to believe the worst and are happy to hid their head in the sands to make like easier and happier.  Your friend may very well do this and as a result she will blame you for “making it up”. I have seen this happen.

Post # 15
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

First of all where do you live? We don’t have private rooms in MA and there is a no touching rule.

I personally would take to your boyfriend and explain how important it is that she know. I think it is extremely important that someone knows this before they make a lifelong commitment.

Post # 16
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like he doesn’t respect her or the marriage he’s about to enter into.  I vote tell her…I know its gonna be tough!

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