Post # 47
also, i’d still talk to your friend even if she might stay with him. i would hope my best friend would care more about me knowing the truth than about losing my friendship if it turns into a “he said, she said” thing.
Post # 48
@Love85: By yours or my definition. Not by everyone. That is the sticking point.
Post # 49
@Ticktock: Ok I’m sorry I have to say this. It does not matter if you lose her as a friend, if your bf hates you, if you’re a snitch, whatever. It’s the RIGHT thing for you to do if you tell her. If you lose her as a friend, she is not a good friend. If you lose your bf, he is not a good bf! I know it’s hard but really, it doesn’t matter what the consequences are, just do what’s right for you and primarily, for your BEST FRIEND.
Post # 50
If your boyfriend breaks up with you because you tell your friend something she should know then he’s not worth it. How would you feel if you were in her position and Doug told Tina your bf did that. Would you want to know? I would and then I would confront him about it. It may not be compleatly true, as mcnetn3 said, but I would still want to talk to him about it. I would start the conversation with her saying something like, “I don’t know if this is true or not but there is a rumor going around I, as your friend, think you should hear.” I have a friend (A) whoes bf (J) used to hang out with me all the time. We became really close. He was like the brother I always wanted. A mutual friend of ours (B) got mad at me and told A that J and I made out and I was bragging about it to her. A confronted both me and J about it and we both told her that B was lying to get back at me. Needless to say, B is no longer our friend because she did it to hurt us. If it were true A would still be friends with B and I would be out of the picture.
Post # 52
@DanielleZara: I agree with.
Do what’s right. Would you want someone to tell you? Marriage is a BIG deal. Also, by the sound of it, she probably already has her doubts. Why else would she be checking up on him. Also, there’s more than just friendship at stake. A cheating partner opens up risks to STDs and a whole host of other issues.
Post # 53
i would want to know and i would definitely tell her. that’s disgusting and if my Fiance did that at his bachelor party, i wouldn’t hesitate to call off the wedding.
Post # 54
I’d tell even after all this information. If she decides not to be a friend, well then she’s irrational and in my opinion, not friend quality. You’re being a good friend for telling her. The guilt you have would only get worse, and at some point you’ll want to tell her. She’ll be angrier if you tell her after she’s married (I would). Honesty is the best policy, even when it hurts.
Post # 55
Thanks everyone for commenting.
After weighing the pros and cons, I’ve decided not to say anything. As many of you have mentioned, I have everything to lose and really nothing to gain from this except perhaps being morally in the right. However, if I lose A) Tina as a friend B) the relationship I have with my boyfriend and C) my circle of friends (also theirs) for “snitching”, I could seriously lose everything.
The best scenario to come from this is that I tell Tina, she dumps Doug, and my boyfriend realizes all along that his childhood best bud is a loser and stops talking with him. Realistic? No. Maybe a good ending for a movie, but not the real world. Even if Tina dumps Doug, most likely she will be so hurt and embarrassed by the whole thing that she will not want to face myself or the other girls that know. We will lose her as a friend anyways.
So, even though it’s hard, I’m just going to shut my mouth on this one because I wasn’t there and it isn’t my place to tell her. It is Doug’s.
Post # 56
- Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park
Tell her immediately.
Break up with your boyfriend. If he thinks it’s okay to hide something that serious from the bride to be mere days before the wedding, there’s no way that he’s really the “nice guy” that you think he is.
Post # 57
I would stay out of it. First, there seems to already be trust issues in the relationship. With the whole “no strip club” thing and her feeling pressured. Second, as others have stated you did not see this. How do you know YOUR guy is telling the whole truth? You don’t. This could really backfire on you.
While I agree that what the Fiance did was borderline cheating I wouldn’t get involved unless I knew for absolute sure. And I may get slammed for this but, this is what some men and their friends do at bachelor parties. They consider it fun and a boy’s night, not cheating. Doesn’t mean he will do it all the time or ever again. The guy’s buy the dances and see how wild it gets and they never discuss it.
Post # 58
@rainbow: I agree with Rainbow.
Post # 60
I would defiently want you to tell me. But it sounds like your friend already knows what the guy is like. Hickeys on his neck? That is a little obvious right? She already knows. You dont need to tell her. Plus, you dont know what happen in the room since your bf didnt see it. He could be exagerating.
I think you could talk to her about his behavior in the past that she already knows about and you can offer your advice on that.
Post # 61
My advice is to demand that your BF tell Doug to go tell Tina exactly what happened. HE’S the one who a) let it happen and did nothing and b)told YOU about it so HE could feel better. Obviously even HE feels guilty about the whole thing, which just shows what a jerk Doug is for putting everyone in this situation.
Tell him to make Doug tell Tina about it or else YOU WILL. And to make sure that he fesses up about everything.
Yes, she seems happy NOW. But what about in five years when she has kids and he’s out at the strip clubs fingerbanging the next hot thing? That’s just not right. She obviously has reason to suspect him already, this is just fuel on the fire. I’d fan those flames and encourage her to get as far away from this toxic relationship as possible! You may lose a friend, but at least you’ll know you saved her from a miserable marriage.