(Closed) My best friend’s fiance cheated on her at his bachelor party!

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

also, i’d still talk to your friend even if she might stay with him. i would hope my best friend would care more about me knowing the truth than about losing my friendship if it turns into a “he said, she said” thing.

Post # 48
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

@Love85: By yours or my definition. Not by everyone. That is the sticking point.

Post # 49
Member
616 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

@Ticktock: Ok I’m sorry I have to say this. It does not matter if you lose her as a friend, if your bf hates you, if you’re a snitch, whatever. It’s the RIGHT thing for you to do if you tell her. If you lose her as a friend, she is not a good friend. If you lose your bf, he is not a good bf! I know it’s hard but really, it doesn’t matter what the consequences are, just do what’s right for you and primarily, for your BEST FRIEND.

Post # 50
Member
583 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

If your boyfriend breaks up with you because you tell your friend something she should know then he’s not worth it. How would you feel if you were in her position and Doug told Tina your bf did that. Would you want to know? I would and then I would confront him about it. It may not be compleatly true, as mcnetn3 said, but I would still want to talk to him about it. I would start the conversation with her saying something like, “I don’t know if this is true or not but there is a rumor going around I, as your friend, think you should hear.” I have a friend (A) whoes bf (J) used to hang out with me all the time. We became really close. He was like the brother I always wanted. A mutual friend of ours (B) got mad at me and told A that J and I made out and I was bragging about it to her. A confronted both me and J about it and we both told her that B was lying to get back at me. Needless to say, B is no longer our friend because she did it to hurt us. If it were true A would still be friends with B and I would be out of the picture.

Post # 52
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

@DanielleZara:  I agree with. 

 

Do what’s right.  Would you want someone to tell you?  Marriage is a BIG deal.  Also, by the sound of it, she probably already has her doubts.  Why else would she be checking up on him.  Also, there’s more than just friendship at stake.  A cheating partner opens up risks to STDs and a whole host of other issues.

Post # 53
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i would want to know and i would definitely tell her. that’s disgusting and if my Fiance did that at his bachelor party, i wouldn’t hesitate to call off the wedding.

Post # 54
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d tell even after all this information.  If she decides not to be a friend, well then she’s irrational and in my opinion, not friend quality.  You’re being a good friend for telling her.  The guilt you have would only get worse, and at some point you’ll want to tell her.  She’ll be angrier if you tell her after she’s married (I would).  Honesty is the best policy, even when it hurts.

Post # 56
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Philippe Park

Two things-

Tell her immediately.

Break up with your boyfriend. If he thinks it’s okay to hide something that serious from the bride to be mere days before the wedding, there’s no way that he’s really the “nice guy” that you think he is.

Post # 57
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee

I would stay out of it.  First, there seems to already be trust  issues in the relationship. With the whole “no strip club” thing and her feeling pressured.  Second, as others have stated you did not see this.  How do you know YOUR guy is telling the whole truth? You don’t.  This could really backfire on you.

While I agree that what the Fiance did was borderline cheating I wouldn’t get involved unless I knew for absolute sure.  And I may get slammed for this but, this is what some men and their friends do at bachelor parties.  They consider it fun and a boy’s night, not cheating.  Doesn’t mean he will do it all the time or ever again.  The guy’s buy the dances and see how wild it gets and they never discuss it. 

Post # 58
Member
694 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@rainbow:  I agree with Rainbow.

Post # 60
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I would defiently want you to tell me.  But it sounds like your friend already knows what the guy is like.  Hickeys on his neck?  That is a little obvious right?  She already knows.  You dont need to tell her.  Plus, you dont know what happen in the room since your bf didnt see it.  He could be exagerating.

I think you could talk to her about his behavior in the past that she already knows about and you can offer your advice on that.

Post # 61
Member
3340 posts
Sugar bee

My advice is to demand that your BF tell Doug to go tell Tina exactly what happened.  HE’S the one who a) let it happen and did nothing and b)told YOU about it so HE could feel better.  Obviously even HE feels guilty about the whole thing, which just shows what a jerk Doug is for putting everyone in this situation.

Tell him to make Doug tell Tina about it or else YOU WILL.  And to make sure that he fesses up about everything.

Yes, she seems happy NOW.  But what about in five years when she has kids and he’s out at the strip clubs fingerbanging the next hot thing?  That’s just not right.  She obviously has reason to suspect him already, this is just fuel on the fire.  I’d fan those flames and encourage her to get as far away from this toxic relationship as possible!  You may lose a friend, but at least you’ll know you saved her from a miserable marriage.

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