My best man sucks! Advice please!

posted 1 year ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2019

As your Bridesmaid or Best Man chose his wife with zero fault, you are free to do the same. “Hopefully we can rise above and have no hard feelings. You chose your wife, I’m choosing mine. I’ll just take this burden from you, bro. Thanks for considering to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man, but my dad’s, brother’s, cousin’s, roommate will take it from here. Oh and feel free to skip the festivities so my wife won’t be reminded of this”

Post # 17
Member
5556 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

ram7159 :  did she lie and say they were good friends though?

It sounds like over the years you all hung out because of your friendship with the best man. The wives were around each other by default. Sometimes people hang out in couples even though the don’t like the SO because the other person is your SO’s friend.

Maybe the wife was going to grin and bear being a bridesmaid for the sake of group dynamics but your wife was a bridezilla and she couldn’t deal with it anymore so dropped out.

You uninvited her/ your fiancée uninvited her, same thing.

Post # 20
Member
8829 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ram7159 :  What a strange situation. No wonder you’re confused.

Can you give some details about how you and your wife ended up in your friend’s wedding party? Like, did he and his wife take you out to dinner and ask you both together to be in their wedding? Or did he ask you first and then she asked your wife (or vice versa), or did one of them ask the two of you? 

Additional questions that will help us understand the situation better: When was their wedding? Was there any tension or unpleasantness related to their wedding?

Post # 22
Member
9806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

There are people I’ve liked at first and then realized I didn’t care for. Feelings change so I won’t be too harsh on the best mans wife.

As for you, first you need to figure out what your wife feels. Does she want nothing to do with either one? Does she still like Best Man and just is upset with his wife? Figure those things out.

Honestly, I think it’s better for everyone is best man steps out of the wedding. There is too much drama and you don’t need to be dealing with it on your wedding day. Moving forward, I’m not really sure how the friendship will continue when both of your wives obviously have some hard feelings toward each other. 

Post # 24
Member
8829 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

ram7159 :  “His now wife asked my Fiance on their own time” — Can you exand on this a bit please? Did his wife plan a girls’ day and ask all of her bridesmaids together? Did she do “bridesmaid proposal” boxes or anything like that? Did she ask with a sweet card? 

Post # 26
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

ram7159 :  oof! I am sorry this is happening. Wedding always seem to bring out the worst in people. If it were me, I would ask my best man to step down because I think it will be awkward for everyone. When you’re married and you see him in your pictures, you’ll always be reminded of this hurtful time & that’s not what you should be remembering. 

When you said that your fiance disinvited her from all other wedding things, did that include the actual wedding too? I don’t see anything wrong with them both being invited to the wedding since you & him are good friends but having him in the wedding party might not be worth it in this case. 

Also, for what it is worth, I don’t think your best man meant to hurt your feelings and he probably feels like he is stuck between a rock & a hard place, similar to how you’re feeling. Chat it out with him & hopefully your friendship can recover. 

Post # 28
Member
841 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

ram7159 :  I get it, I tend to be an under the rug sweeper too! And I think you’re making the best choice by standing by your fiance in this because I really don’t blame her. 

Is your best man okay with attending & participating in the wedding without his wife? If he is, then let it be what it will be. 

Post # 30
Member
2233 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

So, the wife asked your fiance to be in her own wedding and she never liked her? That seems odd.

 

I mean, it’s not a crime to not like someone, as long as you are civil, but I would be really humiliated to find out someone that I considered a close friend not only did not consider ME a friend, but didn’t even like me. The best man may not have done anything wrong, but this would be a difficult friendship to maintain with that elephant in the room.

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