(Closed) My bestest friend might not be able to be in my wedding :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

This very same thing happened with a Bridesmaid or Best Man when I was previously engaged years ago. There is really nothing you can do. I know it sucks, but if she does not feel comfortable being in the wedding you have to respect that. I was upset with my Bridesmaid or Best Man at first but now I realize that I would have done the same thing. I don’t think anyone really wants to be heavily pregnant and have to worry about being in someone’s wedding. It’s just too much.

Just because she will not be standing up next to you when you say your vows does not mean she can not be there for you, help you with wedding related things and still be your best friend. You can get through this girl 🙂

Post # 5
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Id just really try to talk to her about it. Make sure she gets that you wont be disappointed or sad or anything if she cant be in it. Dresses can be altered, or her dress can even be a different material than the other girls for her belly. She doesnt even know when shes due, so it could be near or far from your actual wedding date.

Post # 6
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@FutureMrsTimmins: Sorry you are feeling a lot of stress at what should be a happy time for you.  I would not worry about your friend having any negative motives for wanting to back out of the wedding.  It sounds as if you two are very close and you both really want to be there for each other for these important and exciting events in your lives.

I’m thinking that your friend has been having her own anxieties about all of this. I’m sure that, under different circumstances, she would want nothing more than to be by your side on your big day. However, having a seven month old baby AND being pregnant is a lot to handle.  Adding the pressure of trying to be Maid/Matron of Honor in her BF’s wedding and being available to help you, while she may be weeks or even days away from giving birth (or perhaps having just given birth) may be a bit overwhelming to her.  

Maybe there is a way to help lessen the stress for both of you.  You should talk to see if there is some type of compromise that would make both of you feel happy and relieved. Chances are that she would have to have a very different dress than the other girls in your bridal party if she is going to fit comfortably in it and look good at the very end of her pregnancy. Perhaps she could order a maternity dress in the same or even a coordinating color, one in which she will look fabulous no matter what size she may be at the time of the wedding. She would look slightly different than the other bridesmaids, but it’s totally understandable, since she is pregnant, and many brides even want their MsOH to stand out from the bridesmaids. 

Maybe you also need to assure her that you would not be expecting her to do anything stressful in her last weeks or months of pregnancy.  Perhaps if you tell her that you plan to ask the other bridesmainds — and not her — to take care of wedding details after a certain time period, as she is getting closer to her due date. Let her know that all she needs to do is show up that day, providing she feels well enough and isn’t in labor at the time. Anything you can do to make her feel less pressured and overwhelmed may result in having you feel the same way about your wedding planning. If it turns out she is unable to be there, then you would still have the rest of your wedding party to be with you. You may even want to have a second Maid/Matron of Honor or at least ask the next-in-line bridesmaid if she would be willing to step up and take on the Maid/Matron of Honor duties on the day of the wedding in the event that your Boyfriend or Best Friend is unable to be there.

I hope you’re able to find a win-win situation for both of you. These really are two wonderful, blessed events (your wedding, and her pregnancy), and they should bring your closer together in celebration, not drive you apart and create sadness. Good communication will really help you to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

Post # 7
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@FutureMrsTimmins:  Does she think she’ll still be able to attend the wedding? Maybe she doesn’t feel comfortable with such a big responsibility while being so pregnant and having a baby. Ask her is she’d still want to hang out with you day of and getting ready with you. Maybe she can take a lesser role that she feels comfortable with.

Post # 8
2702 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

that sucks :(. It seems like you two have a great relationship which is awesome. My Best friend couldn’t attend my wedding becuase she joined the peace corps. It sucked and it broke my heart but I know she was doing what she loved and I supported her 100%.

All that matters in the end is that she is there for you. She may not be able to go Bridesmaid or Best Man dress shopping together, but she will always be there for you!

Post # 10
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could you ask her to play a smaller role that could easily be covered if she cant make it? Maybe a reader or a hostess where she can sit? My cousin’s wedding had all preggo ladies in it, and they looked so uncomfortable. She might also be embarrased to be photographed at that stage. So maybe keeping her in the wedding with an honorary title or minimum work load would keep her engaged.

Hope you can talk it through with her!

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