(Closed) My BF cheated and I took him back. Am I making a huge mistake?

• jennifer2014
• 6 years ago

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. Everything has been going great. We see one another often, talk daily and whenever we have any arguments/issues we are able to talk through things and resolve things really well. Last time I went to visit him I looked through the search history on his computer and discovered that he searched for a girl on instagram. Then I looked through the photos folder on his computer and found, in addition to tons of pics of me, some pictures of other women. He was at work when I found this out and I immediate asked him about it over the phone. He confessed that he had been meeting girls through various game aps on his phone and chatting with them on kik. One women he spoke to on the phone a few times. 

I got that girls number and called her. We had a very long conversation and she disclosed everything that occured. They hadn’t chatted very long and hadn’t talked in a while. She had no idea he had a girl friend. My BF admitted that they had phone sex twice, but the girl denies it, saying that she was never really interested in him (was mourning the loss of her fiance who died in an accident) and never would have become sexual with someone she didn’t even know. 

When this whole saga erupted, I had numerous conversations with my BF because I wanted the full truth–I esoecially wanted to know if he physically cheated on me in any way. He admitted he went out to dinner once with the girl in the instagram photo. I looked through everything–his credit card statements, phone records, etc and everything checked out with what he said. He had talked to that girl on the phone a couple of times (she lived in another state) and did go out to dinner once with another girl. He said he was feeling like he wasn’t sure we would ever actually live together and also felt unwanted by me at times, so he sought out attention from other women. When I found the pics in his computer, I immediately flew home. Realizing that he could really lose me he said was a huge turning point for him and he said he made  huge mistake, never wanted the other girls and knows what he did was very very wrong. 

He has been married once before and as the marriage disolved he cheated on one occasion with another woman. He said he was in tears over it after it happened and immediately admitted to his family what happened. I spoke to his family about it and this is true. I also spoke at length with the ex wife and got her take on things and everything he told me checks out. 

My BF now swears he is extremely remorseful about the cheating and this was a huge wake up call for him. That he doesn’t want to be this kind of person. he has begged me for my trust. Since this all happened he has been very, very good to me–very loving, very concerned about my needs, etc. 

What do you all think? Do you think I’m making a huge mistake? I really want to believe he has changed, but can I believe him?

To be fair, while all this was going on, I was talking to other guys and keeping it from him. I was not entertaining relationships with other men. But I would turn to certain guys for advice and help. These were guys my BF didn’t want me involved with because the guys had wanted to date me in the past. 

• jennifer2014
• 6 years ago

To add a bit of contect. He got married right out of high school when he joined the military and was faithful to his wife during their 8 years together–until he returned from a deployment. He said he knew he was rushing into marriage and that the ex-wife was not the right person when they married. He said he was young and foolish. Nevertheless, he planned to stay and make things work. After he returned from the deployment though he was like a different person and the whole marriage collapsed. He felt he had grown a lot as a military officer and that the wife hadn’t matured much. 

Around this time he and the wife discussed separating and then divorcing. This is when he cheated. He said while he was cheating he knew it was wrong and immeditely confessed to his stepfather–which I confirmed was true. He told me that the chatting with other girls during our relatonship as a carry over from that dark time in his life and that he doesn’t want to be that person any more. He said was flattered by the attention from other women–something he never experience in his life because he married so young. He has offered to do anything I need to regain his trust–give me passwords to his facebook and email accounts, go to counseling, etc. 

Throughout our relationship he has talked to his mother and grandfather (his role model) about how he wants to marry me and how I’m the best thing that’s happened in his life. He told them that he made mistakes and that he prays to god that I will forgive him and be with him. His mom has even spoken to me about all this a few times during some heart to hearts and says she’s never seen her son like this before. 

I wonder if people really can change…