(Closed) My bf has an active Match.com site

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4324 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

If you want an honest answer to your question, one that he can’t make excuses to get out of, you can make yourself a dummy account and see if he takes the bait. If he does, you know what he’s up to, and you’ve got your answer about his character. If not, oops. No harm, no foul, right?

What he’s doing is shady, I can tell you know that by your post. If you simply ask him about it, he’s going to either charm you into thinking he could do no harm, or turn the situation into somehow being your fault. That’s how cheaters operate.

Post # 4
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Ag1950:  Hey! First and foremost take a step back from the situation and remove any anger you may have towards him. This wont help you in the end. Honestly, I would approach him and ask in a joking matter “Do you even check your Match.com account anymore? I’ve forgotten I even have it!” if he says “Yea, sure sometimes I look back at it to see” if I still got it”. and laugh it off. Try to explain to him that him leaving his account open means he is advertising to other woman that he is readily available. It’s not only fair to you its also not fair to the other woman on match.com. Try not to make it too much about you to make him understand from a woman’s perspective how this may look on his part. I do kind of agree with your friend. He is using it as an ego boost, which quite frankly might have to do with his selfesteem and what happened in his previous relationship. Reassure him as much as you can that you think he is handsome, or that he smells really good. This confidence that you instill in him will veer him away from getting it from somewhere else by getting these “winks” from woman on match.com. 

 

I hope this helps and good luck to you!

Post # 7
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee

I still have an active okcupid profile, actually forgot until now when I went to look it up.

Isn’t Match one you have to pay for? I’d be more irritated about him paying for it then anyting else

Post # 8
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

If he checked your account wouldn’t it say active in 24 hours too?! You don’t know if he’s just checking the accounts that the emails came from and nothing else. I’m not saying that’s right but it’s far off from cheating! If you met on match could you not just ask outright about it and decide together to close your accounts together? Also, could you not say that you got a mail and went on for that reason and noticed his account is still active? Unless he has given you another reason not to trust him I wouldn’t lie to him(by setting up fake account).

Post # 9
Member
1528 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d ask him straight up.

Post # 10
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@StuporDuck:  If you want an honest answer to your question, one that he can’t make excuses to get out of, you can make yourself a dummy account and see if he takes the bait.

First thing that popped in my head to do!

You can do what others said. Say you started noticing money coming off your credit card for match.com, so you went in and delete your account, and you were curious to see if he’d deleted his yet. And to your surprise, you see he’s still there, paying for it, too. So you thought you’d remind him to close it since it’s debted out of his bank account. I’d then add that I was curious about why it said he’d been on there in the last 24 hours, and the account was still active. Say that, if anything, you’d expected him to have been on it in the last 24 hrs to delete it. So why is it still there?

See how he responds to that. 

Post # 11
Member
59 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What if your BF’s on there to check to see if you’re still on it?  You mentioned he’s been cheated on in the past, well he could still have some trust issues.  I just bring it up bc when my friend was first dating her husband (they met on match), she kept logging on to see if he was still on it. 

Anyway, if you’re thinking marriage with him, I think it’s best you be up front about it with him.  Just say you happened to notice emails from match.com, tell him how you feel about him having an account and go from there.  If he denies having an active account or gets defensive, then try @JulesSchnooks’ suggestion.

Post # 13
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’d be worried about the fact that you can’t bring an honest question/concern out in the open.  If marriage is in your path these things have to be breached sometime.

Post # 14
Member
3092 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@fuzzypeach:  I should have read a little further.  you beat me to it!!

Post # 15
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t create a dummy account and play stupid games.  Ask him about it.  

Post # 16
Member
2646 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

If this is “the man”, you need to be able to communicate & share some of your intermost thoughts.  Be honest with him about how you know & why you checked!  Without going into detail about an issue Darling Husband & I have, let me just tell you, TRUST YOUR GUT!  But before jumping to conclusions, talk to him.  Maybe it is something super innocent & you’re being a worry wart for nothing ;]

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