Post # 16
His anger over this is alarming. He absolutely should not get so angry at them, or guilt trip you, or calling them names. That is a bigger issue that can bleed into other things – as you suggested, children, etc.
And they are NOT “just birds” nor are they dumb. Birds are incredibly intelligent, emotional creatures. You should know that, caring for them. I have owned birds, and they get very attached to their owners and require more attention than most people think they do.
He needs to deal with it, and find coping measures. It could help if he developed a relationship with them – I’m sure they pick up on his anger towards them and react towards it. Play with them, clean their cages more, do something. If it comes to it, then maybe he just can’t stay at the apartment. Please do not get rid of your pets.
Post # 17
Hmm, that’s a difficult one considering you’re planning on getting married. I can definitely understand both sides. I’m an animal lover for the most part but I can’t stand parakeets for the exact same reason. It’s in their nature to be loud and messy and there’s no way to remedy that, you just have to accept it. On the flipside it seems you are very attached to these little guys and it would hurt to give them away. Think of it this way… what do you expect will last longer – your marriage or the lifespan of your birds?
Post # 18
I had parakeets growing up and all I can say is that if he has such an extreme, violent reaction to them, then he’s very easily annoyed. And that is a possible red flag.
Post # 19
Ok just to clear something up. I said they are “dumb” mainly because I expected people to point it out to me as I had happened to me before. I don’t think of them as dumb, I know they are intelligent. It is just that for people who don’t own birds it seems that they are not mammals, therefore have no feelings. Which I don’t agree with. I am very happy to see so many animal lovers here!
EDIT: And to be fair to my bf, he tried to get along with them. He sings to them and talks to them. He buys them new toys and new treats. So it is not like he just hates them period. He gets very angry when they are chirping (and it is not a nice chirp I admit) literally for hours with no break. He claims that sound of that is like drill in brain and it doesn’t allow him to focus on anything. And he never actually tell me to get rid of them BUT his behavior suggests that is what he wants me to do.
Post # 20
Well to be fair to him they sound obnoxious. Its not like hes just annoyed to be annoyed. I promise you your marriage will be much more emotionally fulfilling then birds. I’d find them a good home.
<br />Also comparing birds to children is hilarious.. I’m sure he will adore his children because they are HIS babies and human beings. If your doubting what kind of father he would be you have bigger fish to fry. That being said if your doubting his ability to parent off his annoyance with your birds….really!!?? Thats a bit too much. It would be like us assuming your will raise unruly brats because of how your birds are…see silly
Post # 21
- Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane Oakbrook
No, I definitely would not get rid of any pets.
By the way, you can tell a lot about a person’s character by how they treat animals… just something to think about.
Post # 22
He needs to get over it.
Birds are very intelligent! They are very sensitive as well. He needs to figure it out. Don’t abandon them.
Post # 23
I wouldn’t marry or ever consider having children with someone who freaks out over some birds. Now if the birds like attached him and shat all over him every time he looked at them…maybe.
Post # 25
Pets are family, and rehousing them is cruel. Keep your parakeets, your BF just needs to deal.
Post # 26
Well, I can see my opinion is going to go against the grain, but here it is. I’d try everything you can to find a way for your boyfriend and the birds to get along. But, if everything fails, I’d pick my husband’s sanity over my pets. It sounds like your fiance has tried and isn’t just annoyed because he doesn’t like birds. If they’re really being that loud on a regular basis, I can understand his frustration. I would be super annoyed if I was never able to relax in my own home, regardless of the reasons. If it was my husband, I’d worry about building resentment and a general decline in mental health and wellbeing which could seriously damage the relationship. We all have our breaking points and I wouldn’t want to push it unless there were absolutely no other options. So try some of the things suggested here (like wireless noise canceling headphones for your fiance or getting a bigger place where you have space for the birds). But, in the end, don’t feel like you’re a horrible person if you end up picking your fiance over the birds. This is the man you want to marry. His wellbeing is an important thing to consider. The bird’s wellbeing is also important, but rehoming them isn’t the worst thing in the world. And, at the end of the day something has to give. My friend had to rehome both her dogs after she had kids and it absolutely tore her up, but after some time she’s realised that it was absolutely the right decision and it was, ultimately, better for all of them. Also, not that it would replace your birds, but have you considered other kinds of pets, now that your fiance is home during the day?
Regardless of what you decide, I think it’s a good idea to talk to your fiance about this. I’m sure he’ll appreciate knowing that you understand his struggles. And hopefully he can apprecaite how much you would struggle with the idea of losing your birds. And perhaps you guys can come to some sort of agreement. Like try everything you can for another X months and reevaluate.
Post # 27
Just realized she’s been with the boyfriend years longer than she’s had the parakeets. It’s not as simple as just expecting him to learn to deal with it. He’s been around them long enough and if he hasn’t gotten used to them by now he never will. I think the parakeets should be rehomed to someone who doesn’t find them maddening.
Post # 28
Are you planning to buy a larger house once married? I’m sorry if you answered this before. Maybe you could take your parakeets into account when you look for the house (Backyard, spare room far from the master room?).
I won’t tell you to dump your boyfriend, I went through the same with my dogs and my now husband. All I can tell you is that you both have to compromise because giving up my pets was out of the question, but I didn’t want him to be angry all the time. You can tell him they will have they own space once you move to your house where he can’t hear them.
Although, yes, is sad that a patner would push someone to give up their pets. My husband never suggested that, but he was constantly mad at the dogs. He has learned to live with them and everything is ok now, but we went through a bit to get this far.
Post # 29
As someone who has serious issues when it comes to certain noises, I totally get where he’s coming from. If I was stuck in a house with screeching birds all day I would probably go insane. I don’t think it’s some big red flag like some people are making it out to be. It is what it is. I’m not saying you should rehome them but if he can’t stand being in the house then it’s a problem. You yourself, the person who loves these birds, even said it’s difficult to listen to and you don’t even have to hear it most of the time. I know I’m coming off as mean or whatever but imagine that he had a dog that barked or a cat that meowed for hours on end while you were home. You’d go nuts.
Sorry, maybe I’m biased because I am not a bird person and noises like that literally make my skin crawl 🙁
Post # 30
If I was him, I’d probably be complaining too. Some birds just drive me nuts. They’re loud, they’re annoying. I don’t know how people live with them. For everyone who says “he just has to deal with it,” imagine living with the most annoying sound in the world, over and over and over and over… You may become used to it, but you also may be driven mad.
Being an animal lover is not a prerequisite to having kids! I don’t know why it should be. Dislike of animals is not the same as dislike of children. If he’s not actively hurting the birds or threatening to hurt the birds, he shouldn’t be labeled as an abuser. (And OP has mentioned several times now that he’s tried to get along with them.)
OP, you may have to accept that your boyfriend cannot live with these animals for his mental health. If you choose to keep the birds, he may need to move out, and you may not be able to get married for a long time (I hear parakeets can live upwards of 20 years), which means you may break up. It’s not “wrong” to choose your birds over him, it’s just a reality of the situation that sometimes you can’t have it all.