(Closed) My bf HATES my parakeets, what am I supposed to do? :(

posted 5 years ago in Family
  • poll: Would you give away birds if your bf hates them?

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 106
    Member
    256 posts
    Helper bee

    OK, my input is going to go a little against the grain. I think you should rehome the birds to safe and secure environment, and seriously take a step back from your boyfriend. 

    Personally, I am concerned that he is making such large decisions (i.e. engagement, marriage) when he has such serious mental health issues that are, according to you, not very under control. He breaks easily under frustration, he bought and then returned a ring because he is too anxious and easily upset over it, and it took an incredibly long amount of time for him to move out of his parents house because of said issues. I would not want to make such decisions with a man who has uncontrolled mental health issues, but I’m also not saying you should leave him. Just my $0.02.

    Post # 107
    Member
    99 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Hello! My opinion would have been no, do not give away the pets but once I found out more about your situation, I definitely think now that you should give them a better home elsewhere. The reality is that these pets deserve a better home then you are able to provide and together with the fact that they are driving your fiance insane… it is just not a good environment for anybody. I also generally dislike people who give away their pets but I can respect someone who knows their limitations and makes every effort to find their pet a better home without dumping them into the system. 

    Since you are clearly trying to do right by these animals, I will give you some advice (from someone who volunteers for many rescues and shelters).

    1.] If posting on Craigslist – make sure to question (in depth) any perspective adopters. Types of questions can include: Where will they live? What will you feed them? Do you have any previous experience with parakeets? Will you provide the animals with veterinary care should they fall ill?

    Make sure to list an adequate price to deter people who flip animals for profits and please let potential adopters know that these birds have not been handled much and will need the extra socialization and patience. Full disclosure. Someone who has knowledge is best. Since your fiance seems like a nice man, you can take your time and be selective when choosing a new home – he can deal with the noise in the meantime.

    2.] Talk to your vet/exotic vets in your area. Ask them if you can post about your parakeets on their reception bulletin board or if they know of anyone who may be interested. People who take their animals to an exotics vet or frequent a vet office are generally people who care about animals so this is a good place to start. 

    3.] Similarly, local shelters can act as a signpost to organizations that take in birds who can then help you find your parakeets a new home.

    Post # 108
    Member
    2393 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    No, do not get rid of your birds. Or any other pet. A guy should know better than to ask that. It is good practice for him for marriage, as there will be plenty of times he will have to put up with things that are difficult. That’s life.

    Post # 109
    Member
    7528 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Find a bigger place to live, even if it means taking on extra hours at work or cutting back your spending. 

    Post # 110
    Member
    586 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    I would never ever abandon a pet for a bf who dislikes them. I see it as abandonment of the commitment. He knew who he was moving in with. He just needs to adapt. You will be resentful if you give them away fOr him. 

    Post # 111
    Member
    1982 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Yes. I would. 

    Post # 112
    Member
    3196 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    silverandgold:  Wow, you and I are just going to have to disagree on this one. It doesn’t make them bad that they don’t consider the implications on another living, feeling entity to not plan for its welfare and happiness? Okay, they might not be bad as in evil, but they are irresponsible, lack compassion and maturity, and shouldn’t be an animal owner. However, it seems like a lot of people will rehome in order to “do what is right” by the animal (with questionable results seeing the re-surrender rates) and once it is done just pat themselves on the back and say “look how unselfish I am” and move on. Then they make the same mistake all over again with another pet…rehoming may be the right decision, depending on the home found and you can never know. If you change your life to do right by your pet so you don’t have to rehome, and you are giving them the quality of life that you promised them when you brought them home, then that is “doing right”. Obviously, this is a moot point for the OP, she has already decided. But let’s hope she learns from this situation and the next time she considers getting a pet, she’ll take better stock of her abilities to care properly for it.

    View original reply
    sylwia212:  Yes, it does sicken my heart to think that you would rather just sweep the problem under the rug than change a few things to give some extra time to the birds, make more space for them, or pay to find a behavioralist to help get you the tools to fix the problem. I just always hope in situations like this that you will actually learn from your mistake because so many people do not.

    Post # 114
    Member
    715 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I would never get rid of my pets. I’d let my SO know that me and my pets are a package deal lol. I know what it’s like not able to relax because of a pet though. I love my cat, but she’s still a kitten and can go insane at times. Where do your birds stay now? Do you have a spare room they can be in? Or have you tried putting a blanket over the cage when he wants quiet time? My neighbor used to do that for her bird because he got really worked up sometimes, so they put a blanket over his cage and he’d fall asleep. 

    Post # 116
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    sylwia212:  I think a lot of pet owners here are giving you a very hard time.

    You aren’t trying to abandon your pets/the responsibility.

    This man is going to be your husband soon. So all these bees that wouldn’t put their mothers, fathers,siblings in front of their husbands think it’s okay to put pets in front of him because “they’re family”?

    Yes I agree pets are a responsibility and do become family, but this was an unforseeable side effect of owning birds. both OP and her boyfriend love the birds and care from them, as you would know if you actually read all of OP’s posts before getting your animal loving panties in a twist.

    Parikeets squaking can be very difficult to listen to for literally MONTHS. How are none of you udnerstanding that? OP only has to deal on the weekends but he has to deal with it all day every day, how can you not understand that is an issue? For anyone, let alone someone with existing issues.

    If you honestly want to marry this guy, the parikeets will need to be rehomed since you’ve done everything else possible to try stop them being an issue.

    The only other option would be your SO moving out, but how will that work once your married? you and your hisband live in seperate homes because of your birds?

    I would do what you saw best. Yes it will hurt, and you love them, but especially if you can still visit them you may feel a lot better about letting them go, at least for the first couple of months or something.

    I am sure you can both get another pet down the road that would suit you both as a couple, that you would never have to rehome.

    I know rehoming is hard, I had to do it with my rabbits, and it really did break my heart, but I didn’t have another choice, I had to move and was not allowed to bring them with me to the new home due to the landowner.

    It isn’t something that will amke you a bad owner or pet carer, it’s just something you may have to do for the sake of your relationship.

    Post # 117
    Member
    196 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    View original reply
    sylwia212:  I haven’t read all of the comments on this thread because it’s super long but I’ve read a lot of them and I can understand both sides of the argument to give away or keep your birds.  I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the people who are attacking you for the decision you made but I think it is a very responsible and difficult decision.  I’m going into my last year of veterinary school and have worked as a vet tech for going on six years now and I have seen so many pets of all species that are just in terrible situations and would be better off rehomed or euthanised but some people “love” their pets so much they’d rather the pet have a poor quality of life with them than give them up.  It sounds like you do love your birds and just want the best for them so you are making the very difficult decision to find them a better home and I can respect that.  Try contacting local veterinary practices that treat birds and they may be able to help you rehome them to a responsible regular client or at the very least let you put up fliers at their practice- that way you are more likely to find a new home that they will be happy and well cared for in.  Craigslist is very hit or miss- if you find someone via craigslist I highly recommend asking them for two references of friends or family members to make sure they are a responsible pet owner and NEVER give them away for free!  Good luck, please update when you’ve found them a new home!

    Post # 119
    Member
    437 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    fvsoccer:  I understand your point of view. I really, really do. But I also understand that many people go into pet ownership not knowing the amount of care a pet may need. The choice they made may have been irresponsible, but I can’t agree that the choice means they lack compassion and shouldn’t be an animal owner. In the case of the OP, it sounds like she has learned from the situation, and doesn’t want to repeat it. That’s the best case scenario for everyone/everything involved. 

    Post # 120
    Member
    372 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    OP I think some people have been *very* unfair to you on this topic. I am the biggest animal lover ever BUT I sometimes work from home and if there was a constant squarking whilst I was trying to get some writing done I would literally go insane. 

    You bought these birds in good faith, the future is a difficult thing to predict and whilst you may have thought your Boyfriend or Best Friend would move in eventually you couldn’t have foreseen a problem if he didn’t have an issue with your birds when he came to visit. 

    I do think it may be best to get your birds rehomed. You obvously aren’t in the house that much anyway because of your working hours so it’s not like they are getting a lot of contact time and attention, something somebody with more time on their hands could provide. Also your BF’s well-being *must* come into consideration if he is living there. 

    Please take the time to make sure the birds go to a reputable owner, do all the checks necessary so you are 100% happy they are going to a loving place 🙂 

    Finally, I would seirously consider taking a break from any pets for a little while. I know you and your Boyfriend or Best Friend want a dog but despite him being at home in the daytime I think after the parakeet’s you could do with a little rest from caring full time for an animal. It will give you a chance to just enjoy living together and finding your feet while getting used to sharing a space full time 🙂 

     

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