(Closed) My BFF (and housemate) is pregnant

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Soon2BeeMrsG:  I think it depends on her.  You really have to be careful not to sway her.  If she does something that’s not right for her, she will regret it for a very long time to come.

If she seems like she wants to keep the baby, but doesn’t know how, assist her in making a budget and making long term plans for the baby.  If it seems like she’s leaning the other way, you may want to encourage her to see a therapist.  Planned Parenthood is a great resource.  Not just for abortion either.  They advocate for adoption as well (and raising the baby).  They can really lay things out for her and give her all her options as well as ongoing support for *any* option she chooses.  Or, if she’s religious, there are many pregnancy centers that are faith based that could help her decide between raising the child and adoption as well as point her towards resources for both options.


Post # 4
412 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s great that you recognize your bias. Make sure to tell her that it’s her decision, that it’s about what’s doing what’s right for her right now, and that you support her choice either way. Then let her set the tone. If you can tell she’s leaning one way, but hesitant (whichever way that might be), try to help her become comfortable with that decision, since both are tough.

A good rule of thumb for you might be for every pro you put out (for either), you also put out a con, or a pro for the other side. Watch especially that your advice for having (and potentially keeping) it is realistic vs idealized. Kids are great, but they’re hard. There’s ups, but when you’re not financially, relationshipally, etc. secure, there’s a lot of tough times… She has support, but when it comes to babysitting, funding, what are the limits? What’s her plan if the support falls through?

Don’t paint a rosy picture because she’ll resent you if she holds that image in her mind, and then realizes once the baby’s there that the reality isn’t at all what she wants. On the flip side, if she wants it, there absolutely are resources out there for her, so make sure she’s aware of them.

If you still don’t feel like you can do the situation justice, tell her you’ll go with her to a planned parenthood place to discuss her options. She’ll appreciate your holding her hand. And don’t be afraid to TELL her, “if it were me, I’d keep it, but this is you we’re talking about, and what’s right for me isn’t necessarily right for you. So while i’m going to try to be unbiased, take my advice with a grain of salt.”

And don’t worry, no one’s perfect. When a friend told me she was pregnant, my first reaction was “I’ll look up clinics and send you phone numbers, okay? Wait. You do want an abortion right?” (assumed from prior conversations). Thank god her answer was yes. And remember that making the decision is only the first step. Following through on it is going to be hard on her either way.

Post # 5
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

pregnancy lasts a long time. so I would reminder her to take a deep breath and really think about it. let the news sink in a bit. she doesn’t have to make any decisions today, or tomorrow or even next week.

Post # 6
1659 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You can be her friend and support her in any way that she needs it, but her situation has nothing to do with you so you need to make an effort to leave your personal feelings out of her pregnancy and relationship. Just be her friend.

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